Is he really mine?

[Soffitman]

It's been nearly 3 months since my son (I hope) was born. He's the love of my life and quite honestly, if he wasn't my son I would still care for him. He is such a cutie and will be one heck of a ladies man. Since the day he was born everyone in my family have been talking behind my back saying he looks so much like my girlfriends ex boyfriend. Now that he is just about 3 months old (the 16th) I'm starting to realize he really doesn't have one feature of me.. He has the same coloured eyes as her (my girlfriends) ex and his nose as well. No one on her side has even said "oh he looks like his father!" (Hopefully me). My grandma has ordered a paternity test and insists on me doing the swab for a definite answer. before i continue to freak myself out.. Has anyone else had a child who looked NOTHING like them. Not even the tiniest bit? My girlfriend has always talked to this ex and we've had so much trouble because of him.. I let her see him in September (month of conception) before he buffered off out west.. I'm the type of guy who pays for EVERYTHING. She hasn't spent a dime the whole time we've been together except on our baby boy and herself. I've been told that she appears to have planned this because of who i am that she would be able to save money and leave me. Is my family crazy or is this a possibility? I apologize for my 2 long extensive questions!  - Thank you -

[Anwealde]

First, it is proven in studies done that babies have blunted generalized features which allows everyone to see what he/she wants to see regarding the baby. The features only begin to change and form as the child grows. Currently, my family claims my 11 month old looks just like I did as a child while my husband's family claims she is the spitting image of him as a child. Thus you are seeing what you want to see as is your family. You don't trust your girlfriend thus your distrust of her is coloring your feelings regarding this child in more than one way. Get the DNA test done to put your fears to rest--and to shut up your interfering family who obviously don't like your girlfriend. But most importantly, you need to work on your relationship with your girlfriend. If you don't trust her then you need to figure out how to either trust her if you want this relationship to move forward, OR cut the relationship if you decide to end the relationship. Either way this is not a healthy relationship. Furthermore, you need to keep in mind that family do not always have your best interest in mind. They have THEIR best interest at heart. This is going to hurt his mother your girlfriend that you don't trust her. Even more will be the resentment that your family pushed you into a DNA test. If your family is use to relying on you themselves then they may not want to give you up to the new family in your life. Thus they would be pushing you to know. I have a family member of mine that I doubt his GF is faithful and doubt his son is his but I don't say a word to him because I love him and must respect his family is his choice not mine. I will be there if should he ever find out otherwise, but for the time being, his son is his son and his GF is respected as his woman. It is not my place to put my fears into his head. Your family needs to butt out and let you decide for yourself what is what in your life.

[a_ani]

I would suggest you discuss with him, get to know why he is not happy anytime you talk about marriage, better still, know the reason he says he is committed,..if he still say so am afraid you have to decide to stay or leave...

Wish u goodluck as u do

[Peter_Cone]

For sure its her ex son. Its impossible for him to have other eye color except if its from her mother or yours. If its doesnt bother you then just accept him as yours.

[Nighthawk61]

I wouldn't tell her, i'd do the two swabs, baby and daddy and be done with it. She doesn't need to know does she? Can your grama and you keep this little secret.  You may have a right to yous suspicions and you do have the right to know if he's yours. You can make your own decision after the baby is born what you wish to do. The fact is that the baby , if not you, has a daddy and you don't need to feel obligated for this child, unless it's something that you really want to do. If you leave this girl because she cheated, your next wife does not need be saddled with the little one. You have to think of all people involved. This baby does not need a daddy that was duped. If he's yours, no harm, no foul. If your wife got "busy at work" and you had a private detective follow her to prove to you that she was on point and not a flake, why not do a swab and keep it under your hat. I would.

Ps. I wouldn't bother bringing up something that could create a blow out in front of the baby, i would do my maneuvering surreptitiously and pragmatically. I'm with grama. She sounds like a source of support and strength if she's keeping her cool with this and not badgering you or making a big deal throughout your family. If it's a hush hush thing with grama, keep it that way, Hopefully for all, it's not something that needs to be broadcast as it could seriously harm the trust in your relationship. She might do the same thing, if the tables were turned. You don't know.  If she could walk in your shoes. and you were visiting an ex. and your baby looked nothing like her, she might.

As for your question. My baby looks very much like me and very much like his daddy. No question as to paternity, thanks to course black hair on my son's back (that came off)  from his Eastern European back ground and other tributes.

Good luck. I'm not saying you're not warranted, but try to keep your cool. We're all here to talk to , should you need some anonymous friends.

[RockRose]

I would feel differently if you had just begun a relationship with her,  and she had just days prior ended the relationship with the ex.  This is stickier than that - not only would you find out you're not the dad (maybe) but you'd also be finding out she's a cheat and a liar and she's using you.  If she were honest and hadn't possibly cheated to conceive this baby,  I'd say just let it go,  and be the dad.  I think you need to know.  Have you even discussed your suspicions with her?

[TTinKKerBBell]

Love ain't DNA

[AnnieBrooke]

I'm thinking about the fact that you love the child.  There's an old slang saying, "It's not who makes 'em, it's who takes 'em."  If you love this child, it doesn't much matter whose genetics he has, he will be your child as long as you own up to parenthood duties.  If you distrust what the mother is going to do, thinking she is planning to leave and all, you should probably test.  But if you think that making a fuss over this will cause her to leave and you don't want her to because you love the child, then you might try a method that doesn't cause a fuss.  I believe a dad and child can get DNA tested without the mother's sample, look into this.  That way you can learn what is what, without having to get the mother's back up about you doing it.

[hkjen]

I have to say my son didn't really look much like my husband at all at the beginning.

[AnnieBrooke]

It would be pretty cold of her, but it is definitely a possibility.  Do the DNA test.  

[auntieredd]

I would just take a test to be sure, and your girlfriend should understand your reasoning. If you guys both love one another, it doesn't matter what the test says....be his father and love him with all your heart. Life is too short. What is your gut telling you?