Hoping for some good advice

[Michael_B2014]

Hi All,

First time to post here so be gentle :/

I'm with my partner for 12 years we have two kids 4 and 7, for the last 3 years we have been in what I would call a friendly living arrangement relationship, basically we don't kiss, hug, nothing and sleep in separate rooms. I would love to kiss and hug her but she wont let me and if I touch her anywhere she doesn't like it! When I suggest sex she laughs and says that's never going to happen, and when we argue which is weekly 3/4 times she tells me how much she hates me, what a loser I am and she doesn't love me. Now to be honest I am extremely mentally strong so this verbal abuse is like water of a ducks back, it means nothing to me! The sad part is she goes nuts giving out to me on front of the kids not all the time but a good piece of it, she really really gets mad with me, like nuts over nothing, maybe crumbs on the ground after making a sandwich, or not washing a cup! She also tells me everything thinks im a loser and everyone is laughing at me :) again means nothing to me! I need to be strong. My daughter told her sister last week that mother hates dad and they always fights, so she is more then aware, she has asked me a few times why mother hates me so much, which makes me sad. I work hard have a great job and look after my family better then anyone i know, finishing work and heading home I get nervous as I know what's going to happen once i get in the door, the sly comments, the look of disgust when she sees me, but my kids are so happy to see me and I give them baths, read stories and I love that, then when they go to bed, she doesn't want to talk so she will turn the couch so I'm not in her eye line and I will watch my laptop and she will go to bed later and that's it!

My question is, do I move out and get my own place and start fresh or do I stay for the kids, that's basically it, I have no interest in every being with a person like this! My main concern is my kids and there happiness! Anytime I say I will move out she gets nervous and says she doesnt want to be a single mother and then I forget about it but then its back to the same thing

Thanks in advance

[goldenlove]

I think that it's worse for the children for you to stay together with the verbal abuse that's going on. It will only teach them that it's acceptable to treat someone you are supposed to love in such a terrible way. Plus it's not good for you and must erode your self-esteem even if you say it doesn't. It sounds extremely toxic to me.

[Michael_B2014]

Thanks for the comments!

I have done nothing wrong in the last few years, everyone I know always says what an amazing father I am, I'm very good to her! We are not married thank god! Regarding kids there should not be any issue, if I was to leave I would move to the next town which is about 8 mins by car away I think leaving in the same town where everyone knows everyone might not be a good idea!
She is just always moody like every single day and insults every single day!

[Vance2335]

It does more harm to the kids hearing what they here then having you there all the time. You start the process of filing for joint custody if not more and move out.

[Life360_Dave]

Hi, the living arrangements that you have are not the uncommon nor is the bickering BUT her unchanging abusive attitude towards you is the issue and it would appear she needs a wake up call. How to make that happen, only you know best.
She married you so there is love but she has lost all respect for you and you need to search inside to find out why this happened.
Give us a few thoughts of the things you have done through the years that made her loose respect for you.