My Boyfriend is Addicted to Porn

[sammie_s]

Okay my question is this.  I have been with this guy for a year and a half.  I didn't really know anything about him when we got together and about four months after we were together I realized things had gotten weird in the relationship.  Then one day I heard noises from the other room; sexual noises.  I got really upset because I knew what was going on after a few minutes.  I ended up in tears and didn't have the courage to confront him.  I finally did confront him about some pictures of his ex and the porn I found.  He said he watched it for education.  I knew better but I believed him.  Well, it has gotten really bad.  I finally broke down and told him if he wanted to watch it then he could at least include me in on it.  I thought that would keep him from lying to me and going behind my back.  It hasn't.  I asked him about it one day when I got home from running his errands and he denied it but I am positive that's what he was doing.  He downloads something new every day or at least every day he knows I am at work and probably won't see it.  It really bothers me that he has to lie to me about it.  Then when we do anything together I feel like a used rag doll after.  He tells me he loves me so why does he lie to me and make me feel like ****.  I have told him it makes me feel bad about myself and it's like he doesn't care.  I am to the point that I am ready to leave.  Should I just pack my stuff and get out?  I mean he obviously isn't going to change and it hurts me everyday I find more.  I need some real help here.

[someone4u]

I have been dealing with my boyfriend of 3 years being addicted to porn. Because of his addiction, we only are intimate a few times a year. He can not perform or just has no interest in the real stuff. He does not involve me in his porn. He said he would not feel comfortable. He watches it every night when I am at work, if I run to the store, he has it on his phone and he sneaks off at work to take care of business. I have offered for him to go to get counseling, he said i need to find a way to deal with it. I went on medication and went to counseling. I find that my life revolves around his addiction. I can not do anything for as I know just when I walk out the door the porn will be on. I have even gone outside for 10 min before and walked in on him. I do feel that it is cheating, I feel that if he is getting sexual gratification from other means than me it is cheating. I can understand that if I was not willing then fine. but i beg, i have to try and schedule a day when he can be good for a day or two so he can maybe perform. I do not know what to do. I am mentally exhausted and wore down. I wish he was infatuated with me.

[della2224]

I know exactly how u feel. My ex husband was addicted to porn. He was even in a few when he was 18 to make some quick money he said...It didnt matter how much sex we had he wuld always watch porn. I tried to act like it didnt bother me for a while, but it just got ridiculous. I walked in on him so many time that i just expected it. Needless to say we are not together anymore, but befor i ended things it was a nightly routine. He would stay up late every night and watch porn and masterbate..then come to bed. It made me feel horrible. I think its up to you and how u feel about the situation. Some women are ok with it, and some aren't.  Good Luck!

[Omusicgame]

So what, hes addicted to porn.  Its not like hes hooked on crack or anything.  Realize that to cure his appetite he needs to look at it.  But you are right girl, he should involve you in it.  Best of luck

[ness237]

Hey everyone.. I have a problem I know my boyfriend watches porn.. I did and kinda still do have a problem with it and its only because we dont have sex but like ones or twice every week or two.. I know Im problem just crazy and I know every guy does it.. But the main think that bothers me the most is him looking at girly on youtube dancing around half naked. I think porn would be better and I dont know why? I dont know what to do. He told me he isnt going to chance and every guy does it. But I think it would bother me as much if we had sex more. We have need together for 3 years now.. and our sex life before was great. Than after the first year if went down hill like a old couple. We dont have kids or anything. I dont know what his problems is. His reason he always says is I dont want to have a kid. When I tell him thats why Im taking this Effing depo shot for you and there is something call condoms. He said he hates condoms they arent comfortable to him.. But its the same excuses everytime.. I dont want to have a kid or I dont know whats wrong with me. I dont know why I dont want to have sex with you.. Well i know that answer is because of all the damn porn.. But anyways I was trying to get some answers as to fig out what to do?

[missdaisyd]

I'm dealing with the same thing. I met my boyfriend online in 2001 and we moved in together in 2007. I'm now 23 and he's 27. I didn't care that he looked at porn before we lived together because I wasn't here to satisfy him. But ever since I moved in I DO feel like I'm being cheated on. The first time I caught him, he was cybering with another girl and claimed that that wasn't cheating either.

I threw away his Girls Gone Wild videos and an extremely disgusting asian porn dvd when I first moved in and he never even said anything about it. I found searches for 'anal sex' and 'anal ****' on his phone and confronted him about it - we almost broke up that day. I've found it on his computer time and time again and he doesn't care that it hurts me.

There IS an issue with men (or even women) watching porn. If you're single, whatever.. but anyone in a happy, healthy relationship shoudn't need to.. or WANT TO.. look at porn. I satisfy my man any time, any day, any way he wants it and a lot of times that means that I don't get off, but he does.. and I'm okay with that because I like making him happy.

But we've been together for about five years now and I was hoping that he'd grow the hell up a little and get over this addiction. I've caught him more than once, found it on his phone and computer. I've found everything from gangbang videos to underage anime characters and back again.

Any man who is satisfied by his woman and still needs to look at porn needs some serious counseling.

He keeps making excuses as to why he does it. The first time it was because I had Mirena inserted and he didn't think I'd be able to have sex (that was the gangbang video day). He promised me that day, when I was ready to leave him, that it would NEVER happen again. The next time it was because I didn't "take care of him" before I went to work. So I started doing that - getting up early to take care of him. Then I came home one day.. he had 20 minutes from the time I left until the time he had to leave for work and he STILL looked up porn.

And then just yesterday I came home from work to find out that he'd looked up videos on yahoo again. Now I've installed Norton Family Safety Minder (he doesn't know yet) and all I enabled it to do is block porn, nothing else. We don't get internet access on our phones and we don't get PPV  through our cable.

He says "at least I'm not cheating on you". But to me, he may as well be cheating, because it's the same thing in my mind. If you're pleasuring yourself to another woman and then ignoring me when I want you later, there's a problem. You're IMAGINING yourself having sex with this other woman and that IS WRONG, no matter what kind of label you put on it.

The first step to overcoming an addiction is admitting to yourself and those you love that you have a problem and if you can't do that, you don't deserve the woman you're with.

My man and I are on thin ice right now. I love him with all my heart but I will NOT be second best, or a second thought, after porn.

[specialmom]

Oh dear.  Well, there is not much I can say then.  Unfortunately, you will do a lot of sacrfificing as you are now in this relationship.  I see in your writing, hallmark signs of not only him being in denial but you as well.  And that makes for a dysfunctional relationship.  I'm sorry to be so blunt but you have expressed here that you would like a normal relationship in the romance department.  You will not have that with him.  You've asked and he does not seem to mind one bit the way it is now.  He is addicted to porn and waits for you to be busy and then goes to town all the while not looking to you for his sexual needs at all or fulfilling any of yours.  This will carry over to other areas of your relationship as it continues.  By this I mean, if a partner brings a major concern to the other, his reaction tells you what this will be like in this relationship.  Basically, tough.  Get use to it.  

You did have an unusual begining and often when people make the leap you did, they were very hungry to be in a relationship.  You are in one now and maybe see it as better than nothing.  
And what you are willing to sacrifice for your man is up to you.  Who am I to say that it is wrong.  But you did write here telling us that this is a problem . . .

This is your life to live how you want.  But unfortunately, this is what it is.  You are with a man that does not value a need for intimacy with his partner, is addicted to porn, and is not interested in working on it to please you.  If you can live happily with that---------  then good.  If not, I don't know what the alternative is at this point other than to admit that this relationship (and man) is flawed.  I do wish you luck and hope you are able to figure it out.