My Boyfriend is Addicted to Porn

[sammie_s]

Okay my question is this.  I have been with this guy for a year and a half.  I didn't really know anything about him when we got together and about four months after we were together I realized things had gotten weird in the relationship.  Then one day I heard noises from the other room; sexual noises.  I got really upset because I knew what was going on after a few minutes.  I ended up in tears and didn't have the courage to confront him.  I finally did confront him about some pictures of his ex and the porn I found.  He said he watched it for education.  I knew better but I believed him.  Well, it has gotten really bad.  I finally broke down and told him if he wanted to watch it then he could at least include me in on it.  I thought that would keep him from lying to me and going behind my back.  It hasn't.  I asked him about it one day when I got home from running his errands and he denied it but I am positive that's what he was doing.  He downloads something new every day or at least every day he knows I am at work and probably won't see it.  It really bothers me that he has to lie to me about it.  Then when we do anything together I feel like a used rag doll after.  He tells me he loves me so why does he lie to me and make me feel like ****.  I have told him it makes me feel bad about myself and it's like he doesn't care.  I am to the point that I am ready to leave.  Should I just pack my stuff and get out?  I mean he obviously isn't going to change and it hurts me everyday I find more.  I need some real help here.

[skepticalpeach]

Miss Rambo makes an interesting point, that it ended up not being as big a deal as she initially thought.  I don't think it is worth it to leave someone over a porn addiction. Of course only you know the real one and outs of your relationship, but I hope  you can figure something out!

[rosegirl23]

I am ok with my boyfriend looking at porn with or with out me. BUT i found out that he was talking to one girl so in deep about everything that they started sending pictures to each other. I talk to the girl she said she was a porn web girl Etc. I confronted him he lied at first and then admitted everything... we have fought and i was ready to move out...my entire out look has changed on porn.. Something i thought was normal cuz i look at it too was taken to this level that i dont even understand. He said he would stop and have self control. The thing is i still want to look at porn. i just dont trust him to now ugh help!!!!!!

[MissMickie]

There is a huge difference between men being upfront with women and saying, "Hey, I like porn and if you don't, you can eat rocks because I'm not going to stop". then what the majority of women encounter. Most of us fall in the category of not knowing until we witness it first hand or catch them. Not saying it's a crime but when men throw words out there like "I love you and if you want me to I'll stop" or "It doesn't mean more to me than you" men have transformed from men with hobbies to liars. If we as women are supposed to respect the fact that men are sexually visual then men need to respect the fact that women are sexually and emotionally constructed. If you are honest and upfront with us and we accept it one minute then decide it's not right, to me that's wrong. There are exceptions to the rule, like ie, at one point it was a couple thing and as of recent your guy is sneaking away and doing it in private. What's to hide I ask? this behavior often comes off to us as a form of deception. Most of us are already uncomfortable with the idea of our guy looking at naked women but we pushed over feelings to the side for the greater good of our relationship. Men can not changes the rules anymore than we can without there being some sort of disagreement. For example if your woman wears no underwear to bed everyday for a year and then out of the blue climbs into bed with tent sized granny panties for the next 6 months you guys would want to know why and would openly express your dislike for our new habit. We veiw the changing of your porn routine the same way. However, if it's something that we we're lead to believe was not an issue but as time goes on it keeps creating issues then yes, we have the right to be upset. No man would want to marry a women and 2 days after their honeymoon find out she has children. That's not fair to him because when he decide to marry her based off of what she ALLOWED to know or LEAD him to believe, he felt he was making the best choice. Granted there are some men that wouldn't be upset but most would be because a choice was made FOR them because of their partner's omission. I think that's the biggest issue when it comes to this issue. MOST women would be more than willing to please their man and fulfill any sexual request if they thought that would make their men happy. For my female counterparts, if you're not up to the task of being filmed in provocative attire, sliding down poles or butt-naked in a bath tub, to give him an alternative to surfing the net then I suggest you leave his porn fetish alone. However, if you are willing and have done these things for him and he is still searching for a peek at some random woman's whispering eye......then yes, you have a problem. It's not you, it's not an addiction and it's not even that he's a visual creature anymore.....he's just disrespectful and is flirting with the idea of seeing and  allowing himself to become aroused because it's the next best alternative to cheating. But, that's just what I think. Hope I haven't offended anyone.

[nikki7780]

I feel all of your pain.  I have been with my bf for three years now and his porn problem is in the back of my mind daily.  I feel that I am in my own personal hell.  In the first three months we were together I found out he was jumping on my computer to look at porn every chance he had.  our relationship was brand new and we were having tons of sex!  I just couldn't conceieve why he was doing it.  I confronted him and he said he would stop.  But I found evidence again. and again and again.  Now he doesnt have access to the computer so now his cell phone never leaves his side for a second.  He goes in the bathroom with it for hours.  One day I did get an opportunity to look at the history on it and of course it was completely empty and I know it is because he keeps it clear.  So in the three years we have been together, he has just learned how to be sneakier and hide it from me.  i am miserable,  I feel ugly and unattractive because of his need.  I dont even want to have sex with him cause all i can think about is what if he is thinking about those porn pics while he is doing me.  I have tried everything--even gave him naked pics of myself but apparently that is still not enough.  i feel worthless and hopeless.  i am fed up.  Why can't men put themselves in our shoes?  How would they feel if every time they left the house we were rushing to jump on the computer to look at a penus bigger than theirs?  I am sure it would make them uncomfortable.  so you know what if u cant beat them join them.  And that is what I am going to do.  Screw him!  I can play his games too!  I am going to check out some hot guys and touch myself and think about other men and I am not going to feel bad about it because he has been doing it to me for years now.  Men are dogs.

[VindictiveBunny]

Do you like porn?  If you like porn, you should just go in and sit down at the computer while he's there and check out *******.***.  Go to the video section and they have a Female Friendly category.  Maybe find out what turns him on and how those girls act in the porn videos and just play along like them while in the bedroom.  My husband says he doesn't like the dumb, ditzy girls, but in the bedroom he likes me being giggly, clueless, and slutty.  He would never want me to act like that in public or otherwise.  If I act smart, reserved, and normal in the bedroom he wouldn't be turned on that easy.  He may feel uncomfortable or maybe he will enjoy you watching porn.  I love watching porn, but my husband doesn't.  Acting out what they do in the porn video is always fun.  

The pictures of his ex....  He doesn't need to have those at all.  She is a past thing and that is over with.  There is NO reason for him to have those pictures of his ex.  You need to talk to him and tell him that it's disrepectful to you for him to still keep them.  If he doesn't want to throw them away or burn them ( I would prefer him to burn them) then he has hopes in keeping her around at some point.  That's when I would just leave him.

[nothappy82]

i have the same problem, my man says he is going downstairs to play video games, and then a few mins later i hear him making noises. he told me he has  no porn on his computer, but really he does. and he even looks up dating sites too. we have been togeather nearly 3yrs now and we are getting married next yr. maybe thats a bad idea. maybe im not good enough in bed or i dont please him enough- i dont know.  wot is it with men and porn... i would really like to know.