You say there is no abuse SO let's put that aside,
To address Your question:
You don't 'deal with it", rather You accept it for what it is - or You leave.
You only have one year invested here - They have NINE years - PLUS They are Father and Daughter - that has priority over GirlFriend
it would be wrong of You to stay AND try to change the dynamic of Their Relationship
it would be wrong to stay if You object to the dynamic of Their Relationship
It's okay for You not to like it, it's NOT okay for You to think You should change it. If You cannot accept this, You should exit YourSelf from it.
Idk....this is weird not saying something is going on cause I wouldn't know o wasn't raised around my dad or any males other than my brothers and cousins. But the girls were always with the girls you know. My dad molested me a couple months after I found out he was my dad. So there was never a father daughter bond.
It could be nothing.
it could just be that's how they are together. Don't try to change it. Maybe once you and the daughter react and have more time together you will be able to understand their relationship.
It's these types of things that we get to help us make the choice as to whether this is going to be a lifetime relationship or not. This sounds like it really bugs you. Say it's not inappropriate, or none of anyone's business to comment, are you willing to accept this relationship he has with his daughter ~ Knowing that she's 9, living with another patent, and will be on her own in 9 years or so?
The thing is, this is their relationship, and your boyfriend's type of parenting. I wouldn't feel comfortable with my husband bathing his 9 or 10 year old daughter. It might even be odd enough, or cross a personal boundary with me, so much so that I might end the relationship and find someone who was nearer to my comfort zone.
I sure wish you the best, and hope that you figure out what's best for you right now. God Bless.
Thanks everyone for your advice! I am not trying to come between him and his daughter at all, I know how important having a dad figure around when you're growing up is. I'm just concerned about the actions. If we had children in a few years I wouldn't want the same behavior like him lying on the couch with her and bathing her. Thanks!
If it bothers you so much then you need to accept the fact that this relationship is not the right fit for you. Don't stay in this situation if it bugs you this much. It's not like he's the only guy out there. There are plenty of other guys out there who don't have kids that you can date and you won't have this problem. Find one of them and your problem is solved.
Hi there. First, I would not 'work through' violence with a boyfriend. We date to make a choice if someone is a good partner or not and should be very critical during that process so we can in the end, have a good, healthy long term relationship. It is VERY doubtful that he is all of a sudden 'cured' of his violence and ability to get angry enough to get physical with a woman. That takes some pretty significant therapy most of the time and I will almost guarantee to you that the violence will reappear. I really believe you shouldn't have gone back when he was violent toward you and this alone will haunt you and you'll be back in that position again before you know it. That is a pattern-- the abuse pattern.. You are making the mistake many battered women make.
Second, what you describe with a nine year old daughter isn't unusual. I cuddle with my kiddos all the time, I run their shower, I will even occasionally rinse their hair when in the shower if they are having trouble getting the conditioner out. I have two boys. They are not sexual to me--- AT ALL. (obviously, gross!). They are my babies that I love dearly and I care for. Families are all different and what you experienced sound like a nice, healthy family life but that doesn't mean that other situations aren't also healthy.
Sleeping together does happen between parents and kids but usually until around this time. The kids want independence and then go their own space. But let me ask you this . . . this boyfriend is living at his parents place. What space does she have to go to? It sounds like communal living. Does she have her own room or anything? Or does she get to go sleep on a cot or couch somewhere?? (not very appealing). And if this is their 'norm'---- does she come over enough (as you say this is recent) that she would be comfortable changing the routine at this point?
This really seems like a situation that is not great for you. You question his relationship with is daughter that you say is not abusive but you just don't like it (I'd agree it doesn't sound abusive). The man has been violent. It's just not a great situation. I'd move on and find someone that is a better fit for you and you'll have a better chance to have a long term relationship with. good luck
Hi Bella, (also my daughter's name), I am usually active in another forum, but enjoy reading this one on occasions. I have never commented in this forum until now, because I have something to add. I have a ten year old daughter. Her and my husband, her father, are very close. We all sat on the couch tonight and watched a movie with our legs draped over my husband lap. My daughter always cuddles with both myself and her father. She also loves to brush his hair and loves trying to make it look like a mohawk..lol he helps her rinse her hair and get dressed if needed. He is her Dad for goish sake!! I still snuggle with MY dad and I am 46 years old!! I am not trying to be mean with this question, but are you sure you are not jealous of their relationship? You stated that you felt those situations were intimate between you and your boyfriend. Do you not feel that he should not be as close with his daughter as he is with you? I certainly hope not.
Since you asked, my two cents is that you are way over thinking this...just because you were not brought up the same way does not mean it is odd in any way. I cherish every moment of cuddling time that my husband and I have with our daughter, as I realize she will be away to college before I can bat an eye!