Lizzy, I'm sorry I've come off as unsupportive, but you've been very thin on details.
I wish you the best. I understand you are frustrated, but I haven't been the cause of your difficulties. Just trying to help you sort through them with very little information.
You're kind of swinging a scythe around at anyone who is trying to listen to your story and help you sort things out.
I have made my amends two years ago. My letter to my daughter-in-law who swore I had offended her, but would not say how, was 100% apology and 0% blame. My side of that street is clean. Additionally, I haven't tried to speak to them of any of these issues in two years.
I live in subsidized housing paid for by the State of California.
In 2012 my daughter-in-law's dog (Newfoundland) (just playfully) knocked me down and crippled me. Two surgeries have failed to fix it.
Son and daughter-in-law make high six figures.
Are there any other DETAILS needed?
I should let them know that they have a very supportive community here should they ever need it.
Another thought - filial responsibility laws are financial in nature, and don't have anything to do with a warm relationship.
The spirit of the filial laws is the government is tired of supporting indigent elderly if there's money in the family to do it instead of the state. Same idea as going after biological dads and forcing them to pay child support for single moms in poverty so the state doesn't have that burden, but child support laws also don't mandate a warm personal relationship.
You don't say whether you're indigent, but if you are, you might consider looking into that. Otherwise those laws won't apply.
Elder abuse and abandonment does happen, like child abuse and abandonment, and spousal abuse and abandonment happens.
Since none of us here know you and you aren't willing to discuss details, I think the big picture here and the message is that you can only control your own self and you can't control others.
If you think you've done nothing wrong whatsoever, and it is no fault of your own whatsoever that you are now estranged from your son, there's nothing at all you can do.
If you DO find that you made mistakes that you regret, and may have apologies to make, there is hope that this might get mended.
Best wishes.
There is no question about why. There's nothing mysterious about my son's estrangement from me. I'm not going into the specifics here, but elder abuse and abandonment is a real problem and denial isn't the answer. I'm not suggesting that the existing laws concerning filial responsibility should be enforced, but I think their spirit ought to be considered as should the statistics as the baby boomer generation grows old. There is a human transaction, call it a circle of life, that includes the elderly in it whether sons and daughters want to embrace them or not . So there's a half of a bargain that people with parents in my generation don't want to deal with. It's unity in denial. I'm not saying you, RockRose, have done any such thing. I'm just trying to permeate the wall of denial people have about elder abuse and abandonment.
Lizzyfish, since you have posted that you have bipolar disorder, I suspect there's a lot to this story that would explain your son distancing himself.
On the other hand, there are kids who are inexplicably cruel to their parents.
AND, there are kids who inherit mental illness from their parents, so the combination of a son who is bipolar and a mother who is bipolar is pretty much unworkable.
If your son was asked why he's estranged from you, what would he say? (I'm not asking what is truth, or your perspective, but for you to truly think about what he would say his opinion was, from his perspective). And there's your answer about why you don't have a relationship with him.