No desire for sex

[endoftether45]

I am a female & have been with my partner for about 8 years and before we actually started living together, he had quite a high sex drive.. Now there is nothing, no interest at all. Not even a passionate kiss. He just says he is not interested and has no idea why.  Has anyone any ideas?


This discussion is related to Lack of desire.

[Gotmoxy]

Thanks specialmom. Oh and I almost forgot. Don't push him to be affectionate, endoftether. It will only make him become more distant. Just give him his space. That's the way I feel right now. I love my bf, and enjoy having him around, being cuddled, saying I love you, etc. But right now, I don't want to be mauled

[specialmom]

Yes Gotmoxy, they will.  You seem very atune to your feelings and that is a great start.  I think a lot of people go through periods like this and the desire to come out of it is usually the driving force in doing so.  Good luck to you and hope all of the things contributing to it get better.  

[Gotmoxy]

I am going through the same thing. Except I'm the one that is lacking the sex drive. I have been going through alot stress with my work, finances, children, etc. I also have a severe UTI, and am on a second dose of antibiotics, because the first round did not take it away. I've been having alot of kidney pain with it. I really want to increase my libido badly, as my partner's is very high! I wish I could go back to normal and even better. Your bf's problem could be from stress and depression. Cuz I know that's what I am feeling. I know things will get better eventually.

[specialmom]

Hm.  Could he be going through a really stressful time?  Could he possibly have some underlying depression which can cause a sharp decrease in libido?  Our mood can directly affect our sex life.

Have there been any other changes that you can think of either with you or him?

You've been dating a long while.  If I may ask, why haven't you married?  Do you have children?  How are the other things going in your relationship?  Often the level of intimacy is an indicator of other issues going on.  

Hard question----------  is he disappearing a lot lately?  Is he faithful?  Yuck--------- hate even asking that but as you asked what could cause this I felt I should include it.


I would say that you  like a lot of couples need to reconnect.  Would couple's therapy be something you could do together? I think it would be beneficial to explore what is going on and to try to bring you two closer together.  A date night is always helpful.  I think long term relationships can kind of get into a rut.  So, plan some special outings for just the two of you and enjoy one another's company.  

Good luck and stay in touch with us ------ let us know how it goes!