Is it ok?

[lover808]

Me and my husband got married before he delpoyed to Iraq. He has become even more paraniod and distrustful towards me.This has been going on for a long time since September. I dont know wiehter its ok for my husband to ask me all these questions since hes in Iraq. Such as what did you do today? being secretive on seeing what I did? Constantly asking if im still not gonna go to the club and parties?  He also judges me based on the music I listen to such as if it talks about ******* another dudes chick and stuff he said that I must be like that if i listen to it.And just today he asked me straight up "You sound so happy,are you ******* around?" I find that so disrespectful and dont know if its ok or not, sinces hes in Iraq. I feel like its not ok he says hes gonna change but it doesnt. I find it extremely disrespectful that he could ask me such a thing just because I was happy. What should I do? Is it ok? Is he paranoid? DOes he trust me/ Because he said he does but if he did why would he ask me all these questioons. Also he was like this before he left but now its to a higher level.

[lovemykids465]

Have you given him any reason to doubt you in the past? If so this could heighten emotions that are already on edge do to his circumstance. Or Maybe someone he is stationed with has found out about an infidelity at home with his or her significant other, this too can get him thinking about it.

[Judy246]

It sounds as he has fears of losing you or that you will be unfaithful to him. It's important to reassure him that he is the only one and tell him you will not be going out to parties without him (this will be hugh for him and will ease his mind) and it's important to let him know how his words have offended you and that you need for him to trust and respect you as a person. Reassure him that he is your life and will be waiting for him when he come's back, but he must trust you in order for the relationship to be functional. Good Luck Judy

[penswriter]

Look at it from his perspective. He's in iraq, fighting in war. His YOUNG wife is home and he has no idea what you're doing and who you're hanging out with. My husband (we were dating at the time) was deployed to Iraq and 13 hours after his unit landed there he was in an IED (or whatever the roadside bomb things are) accident. The Truck behind his blew up and he watched his best friend die. He was EXTREMELY paranoid after that. (He was diagnosed with a mild form of PTSD) He would always ask "So what'd you do today? Who's so and so? Why are hanging out with him/her? blah blah blah" Has he been evaluated for PTSD? paranoia is one sign of it. (also ask if he's having nightmares, gets angry for no reason, if he's yelling, insomnia...if he is he may want to get to a psychologist or talk to someone ASAP) I'm still fighting with my dh to go to the VA and get his ptsd checked out. (I have a feeling it's more than a mild form)

If you love him. If you honestly do love him and want your marriage to work (If you didn't marry him for the extra money, bha, benefits, etc etc) you're going to have to be patient and work with him. and be understanding. military men are stubborn. (mines the most stubborn of them all) even if they know there's something wrong they may not seek the help they need. that's why they need us. like my hubby told me...we're their strength and their rock. even on their worst day they think about the family they have at home and it helps them make it through. i know it hurts having him be like this (i went through the exact same thing with mine) but they're just so used to hearing about other mens wives getting jody's. just reassure him and let him know you love him and aren't going anywhere.

[specialmom]

Also wanted to add that it is right for you to expect him to treat you respectfully.  I don't know what this relationship will be like when he gets back.  It is just very tricky when a couple is in your circumstances.  So if you are wanting to stay married and are committed to him,  reassure him of this and then communicate with him about the appropriate way to speak to you about any concerns or fears he may be having while away----------  and then work really hard to resolve these issues when he gets back.  good luck

[specialmom]

I have a few questions for you, if you don't mind.  How long were you together before you married?  How long were you married before he left for Iraq?  Is he 19 like you?  Why exactly did you get married?  Do you want to stay married to him?

Those would be helpful to undersand the situation.  Overall, I think that this is a special circumstance.  He is over in Iraq at war and you are at home in your normal enviroment.  He has the raw end of the deal in that one.  His imagination is left to wander a lot.  I think if I was committed to my husband and he were there and wondering if I loved him and wanted to be with him----------  I would work hard to let him know.  Do you work hard to let him know?  If he were just controling and a jerk, that is different.  But this situation is a little different.  And if you say he was like that before he left to Iraq, then I have to say, why did you marry him?  

My husband can ask me any question he wants to about what I do with my time.  I'm an open book.  He doesn't ask me if I have been ****  around because I don't leave any room for him to doubt me.  good luck