Our sex drives donrt match

[Catrina28]

My husband and I are both in our 50's. My sex drive is low, his is way off the scale at times. (Its as if he still thinks he's in his 20's) I have went through the menopause, got arthritis in my hip.

Sometimes I feel as if I'm being pressured into having sex, the more pressure I feel he puts on the more i seem to switch off.
I've tried explaining to him, it works for a couple of days, then its back to square one.
Apart from that problem we have a solid and brilliant relationship.

Any advice would be very welcome.

Catrina x

[grannienannie]

you should be thrilled that your husband want you so much,,,if he feels like he he is twenty you should too...you might feel pressured but at lease he still craves you...its when he stop wanting you you should be worried...go and move those hips with him...maybe your hips will continue to get the excercise it needs...ya know.

[sue1239]

You need to feel sexy again.  Get some sexy underwear, get your hair and makeup done and when you feel attractive and fancy yourself you will get interested in sex again.   Look at yourself in the mirror and touch yourself, turn yourself on.  Or try having a tantric erotic massage or better still learn how to give each other tantric massages.  You need to invest more time into this side of your relationship as sex brings you closer in mind and body.  Go on romantic breaks, talk, look into each others eyes, touch each other and be in love again.  Go on naturist holidays.  We have both just turned 50 and been married for 32 years and we do all of these and have a great sex life.

[specialmom]

This honestly seems to be common in marriages/relationships.  It is a pain, isn't it?  I wish we could all be on the same page and not have to worry about it but I guess that is not the case . . .

I think sometimes the one who has the higher sex drive feels unattractive and unwanted.  So, I'd suggest that at other times of the day being affectionate with him.  Make him feel desired even if you do not wish to have sex every 20 minutes.  

Then the one who has the lower sex drive feels kind of used and starts to resent it.  I'd say that with this, you must fight the urge to feel that way.  For some with a higher sex drive, it feels like a need and it is how they relate to their partner (I know.  But some really do feel like this physical contact is how they feel connected.).  When you look at it from that point of view, the intimacy in a marriage takes on a new meaning and becomes more than just an "act".  So, it may give a little more motivation to participate willingly more often.  

Is there a number of times a week that makes him satisfied enough?  Figure out what that may be.  Is it one time, two times or three times?  Whatever the number is so that it is just enough---------  try to meet that need.  I don't think anyone should be forced to have sex and do it if they flat out don't want to.  But if you can muster up enough desire and energy to have a schedule of sorts--------  it might help.

For your low sex drive, have you talked to your doctor about this?  Could you be depressed at all?  This is known to take a toll on desire.  Also if you take any medication, this can have an effect as well.  I think trying to get regular exercise helps sex drives rise.  When we feel good and look good, we get in the mood easier.  

I don't know if this was helpful at all------------  but I do wish you lots of luck!