Did we do the right thing?

[gidget426]

I have a 16 year old son who has an emotional disorder. He has had problems since he was a child. About 4 years ago on Thanksgiving Day he was throwing a fit, he has ADHD, generalized anxietydisorder, obstinate defiant disorder and just diagnosed with intermittent explosive disorder. Anyway about 4 years ago in a rage while I was trying to contain him he knee me in the back, I already have a bad back so this caused an issue. About an hour later I was walking down my stairs and my legs gave out from under me and I went through a window at the bottom of the stairs I ended up being taken to the hospital by ambulance with 32 stitches in my arm. My husband and other children were livid with at that time my 12 year old. After that we got him into counseling and he's been doing well on and off
About 7 months ago his psychologist released him from weekly counseling seeing he was doing so well. About 2 months ago I started to see issues again I called her and she said it was probably hormonal and stressed due to the end of the school year. 4 weeks ago his girlfriend of a year and a half broke up with him. He started spending a lot of time in his room I knew he was depressed. I took him to the doctor but he convinced them that he was okay. I received a phone call from his older brother who was in college who had a mutual friend as my other son's girlfriend, this friend told my older son that my younger son was threatening suicide. We kept an eye on him and his counselor felt he was using it to hurt this girl. I try to get him back into counseling but he refused to go and seeing he is 6 foot 2 and 160 lb I cannot forcibly put him in the car to go. About a week later he wanted to go out with some friends who are questionable and he had not kept up his end of the agreement on keeping his room clean so I said no. He freaked out on me screaming and yelling so in turn I did raise my voice at him and he pushed me. When he realized what he had done he took off to his room. After about an hour I went in and spoke with him, I wanted him to have time to calm down first. He cried and apologized but told me he hates his life and thinks about dying. Once again I mentioned something this time to his general practitioner who made an appointment with him. We thought seemed he had grown 2 inches and gained about 15 pounds he needed a med change but he knows how to say what people want to hear and the doctor felt he was okay just stressed out with school. Well on Wednesday I had taken him and his brother out he was being a little disrespectful to me in the car because he wanted money for something but again he had not completed tasks I had asked of him. His older brother spoke to him about the way he talked to me. He began screaming and swearing and even punching his older brother. His older brother intern began punching him. I literally pulled over on the side of the road and sat there and told them I was going to call nine-one-one if they did not stop. They did stop and as we continue to get on the highway my 16 year old said I think I will kill myself today and proceeded to open the car door as I was going 70 miles an hour. His older brother grabbed him and restrained him. We got home I gave him his anxiety medication and he fell asleep. His older brother went to work when his father returned home I told him what happened. He heard me talking to his father and came out of his room screaming and yelling he proceeded back to his room slammed the door and punch the wall putting a hole in the wall. My husband went in and started yelling at him to calm down. I asked my husband to stop yelling as I felt this would escalate the situation surprisingly he listened and came back to the living room with me. About 10 minutes later our son came in the living room saying I hate you both I hate my life you wonder why I stay in my room all the time well guess what I'm going to do it tonight I'm going to kill myself. At this point my husband picked up the phone and said he was calling 911 normally I would not agree but I was at the point I was beginning to believe he would do it because of what he had done earlier in the day. Our son started screaming at me for not standing up for him with his father and his brother and when he realized his dad was on the phone with the police he took off out of the house. He returned about five minutes later because a police officer had spotted him and sent him back to the house while two other troopers were here. We live right on Main Street so he was mortified because people were calling our house are cell phones and his cell phone wanting to know what was going on after speaking with all of us they put him in a car cuffed him and took him to the hospital where he was admitted overnight for a mental health evaluation. He was released in the morning with mandatory counseling ordered. The first day home he would not speak to me said he hates my guts we were in his life what parent would have their child thrown into a cop car and admitted to a mental ward? It hurt so bad. He did tell me that night he loves me and understands. But last night we went to eat as a family he agreed to go nut 10 min before said no how do you expect me to go with you guys after what happened?

[specialmom]

Oh my oh my oh my.  Mom to mom, this hurts.  You did do the right thing no matter how hard it feels with his behavior after.  Your son is in crisis. He's threatening suicide and you have to believe he may do it.  The statistics show that boys are impulsive with suicide.  They will decide to do it and just do it.  Girls take longer to do it and plan more. Boys get a whim and follow through right then and there.  Your boy is threatening.  I'm surprised they kept him for so little time.  I believe he needs in house treatment for depression and suicidal ideation.  I would call his doctor, plan to see a psychiatrist and make this happen no matter what kind of fit he pitches.  Don't be scared to do it because of his reaction.  His reaction whether you do it or not is bad and your doing this is in response to his threats. Your number one goal is to keep him safe.  

You will need the help of a psychiatrist to adjust or add new meds because the complications of treating adhd, odd and now depression/anxiety make it a fine balance of choosing the right course of therapy.  He was doing better when he had counseling---  no brainer.  Keep him in counseling even if you have to pay eternally out of pocket.  

I can only imagine the terror you feel about what he might do and what his future is if he doesn't overcome these mental health issues.  

on another note, does he have any passions?  What are his areas of exceling?  He's very tall and physically mature for his age it sounds, does he do any sports?  

[gidget426]

I also had a rough morning yesterday because I finally called the Counseling Center due to the fact the hospital never called me back with his appointment, I called the Counseling Center at quarter to 8 and they told me his appointment was at 8:20 a.m.. when I told them I was never informed they were upset with the hospital. They only do Hospital intakes on Monday and Tuesday so now I have to take him in on my own. They wanted us to come Wednesday morning at 10 but that is Joshua's first day of work he works 6 in the morning till 2 in the afternoon. So they told me to bring him at 2 which means we will not get there until 2:30 and the counselor he is supposed to leave generally leaves at 3 p.m. So we're apparently just taking the chance that he can get us in on a whim. So ridiculous.

[gidget426]

I I'm so angry. I called the Counseling Center this morning at 8 a.m.. because I had not heard from the emotional health unit at the hospital on Joshua's appointment. The Counseling Center tells me that he has an appointment at 8:30 this morning. We live 40 minutes away. When I tell them no one informed us they were very apologetic. Now we have to go in not as a hospital visit but a self visit which means Tuesday or Wednesday between 1 p.m. and 3 p.m. You go and wait to see when you can make an appointment in the meantime you fill out all the paperwork. Joshua starts his job on Wednesday from 6 in the morning till 2 in the afternoon, I guess we'll just leave straight from work and get there 15 minutes before they close and hope we can at least get an appointment for sometime during the week. I'm going to call the doctor the psychiatrist that he used to say that is over 2 hours away and see if we can get him into her sometime on Friday seeing that his his day off. He has his good moments and his bad moments. He is doing better with me not great but better and he's tolerable with his father. But totally avoids his older brother. As I was at the hospital last night with his sister she has kidney disease, he sent me a text saying he hates his brother his guts and doesn't ever want to talk to him again. Apparently some of his friends messaged him and said the rumor is he was arrested and admitted to a mental hospital because he pulled a knife on me. He said that his brother is the one telling people that. That is so far from the truth on all levels. His brother was the one who came to us very concerned about Joshua's emotional health and his brother is the one telling people to mind their business.

[RockRose]

Gidget,  I know this is very hard but maybe the job starting Wednesday will help him.  I do think the one thing I would change is punishing him for not keeping his room tidy - that really seems so very far down on the list of what's important now.  I don't know about his questionable friends - it's your decision whether they're too sketchy - but if he has another wise positive invitation from friends,  I wouldn't restrict it because he hadn't been keeping his room neat.  Priorities.

Best wishes.

[gidget426]

I agree. We discussed this.The 2 boys he wanted to go out with are 18. Were teammates but graduated. Both been on probation for underage drinking. This was a definite no. My son has impulse control issue already. He has a great group of friends he usually hangs with, 3 of them will be working with him this summer, but has distanced himself from them lately.

[gidget426]

We live in an extremely rual area. Hospital not equipped for adolescent behavioral health. Wanted to send him to inpatient 2 hrs away but no beds available so kept him  from 9 pm to 2 am in emergency department than 2 _6 on floor. Spoke with counselor while there. Was told per release will see counseling, if not will be picked up by trooper and taken to hospital 2 hrs away. They still have not made appointment. I called and psychiatrist office had not received anything as of Friday. I called and gave info to them. Will call me back tomorrow.  He is an amazing athlete. In 8 grade played varsity soccer and basketball and ninth grade basketball. He started in every sport over Juniors and seniors. He had lots of friends but the past  6 months stays to himself or his brother in law. He does begin a job Wednesday working for his school over summer with other athletes from school. Hoping that will help him socialize more. I know he is angry with us and in long run will see it was for his good. Just breaks my heart.

[gidget426]

Suppose to be soccer and baseball.