Relationship Compromise

[Jozie77]

Hi, I tend to be a bit of a worry wart, so I am not sure if I am worrying unneccesarily or if there is actually something to be worried about.

I have been with my current boyfriend for about 10 months.  Before this relationship I was with another guy for about 5 years, in what can only be described as an indifferent relationship.  Anyhow, my new boyfriend is wonderful, considerate and caring in contrast to my ex who really couldn't care about what I did or who I did it with and by that I am just talking about going out and having a bit to drink etc etc (nothing more sinister than that).  Anyhow when I have had a few drinks I tend to get a bit over friendly, although not with ulterior motives, towards guys/my work colleagues (who all happen to be men).  I won't say that I was having one night stands with any of them just wild dancing and general sort of crazy behaviour but always with guys.  Anyhow, when this new boyfriend and I got together he happened to witness this sort of behaviour when we went to a wedding together.  It was nothing more than having a crazy dance session with some guy, but it really upset him.  Anyhow since then we have come to the agreement that I won't really drink if I happen to go out without him (which is very seldom), but I just can't shake the feeling that I am overcompromising here.  I mean nothing was happening with these man, it was just random fun and I feel a little bit hard done by.  I am aware that if the situation was reversed I wouldn't have been happy either and I wouldn't like him to go out and dance with all the girls, but I just feel that what I was doing was ver innocent and am not sure if I am changing myself too much.

Does anyone have any advice for me?

Thanks

[kathy434]

Well gal, this looks pretty obvious that you cannot handle alcohol at all.  When you can't understand that your behavior was inappropriate to the point that your BF was very upset, you are not aware of what you are behaving like, and you are over the top for your alcohol usage.  If you ONLY had a few drinks, which I suspect is not true, you have an alcohol problem.

If you go out from here on out, drink a soft drink only.  If that does not make you satisfied to have a good time, then you are an alcoholic.  You had better stop this now, and get help, even though you don't think you need it.

Neither did that woman in NY who was so intoxicated she drove the wrong way down the freeway with a high blood alcohol in her and still undigested alcohol in her stomach and she killed 7 innocent people, and herself.

I know you will say what you want to say about a couple drinks and some fun.  Well your fun was over the top.  You don't need to compromise.  You need to stop entirely.

[iam1butterfly]

I suggest that you avoid social drinking... based on what you described,
it's out of control and creating problems with your relationship.

[Saint666]

Look at it this way, people never change, its there habbits, is you like him as much as you say, then you should be willing to make him happy, HOWEVER....if you change sumthing for him then he to should be willing to change one of his habbits if need be. ido agree with him being upset, but it cannot be a double standard situation.

[imanaddict]

If you are aware of how you would feel if the situation were reversed, then why are you even questioning yourself? Would it not hurt you if your bf did those things?

You may feel it's all innocent and in good fun and that it won't go any further, but in someone else's eyes (like your bf) it isn't so innocent. People do things they wouldn't normally do while intoxicated. Whether intentional or not.

You can go out and have a good time without being overly flirtatious. I don't see this ending well. Especially since these things are happening with co-workers. I hope I'm wrong though. I wish you luck....

[MrS_L0PeZ]

If I were your bf I would leave you too. Your acting like Your single. If you want to get drunk and dance with guys other than your bf then you should definately be single. Its your choice either you live a single life & get drunk & dance with all the guys you want or salvage your reltationship by being respectful towards your man & stop drinking and dancing with other guys. How is your bf suppose to trust you when You get drunk and dance with guys in Front of his own face. Who knows what you'll do behind his back. We all know when ppl drink & get friendly it leads to other things. Put yourself in your bf's shoes and see how you'll like it.

[Judy246]

If I were your b/f, I would leave you.

[mami1323]

You should behave towards other men the way you would want your bf to behave with other women.  If you think that you would be uncomfortable with him dancing with and flirting with other girls in your presence then you can understand his feelings.  You could only imagine how he thinks you behave when he's not around if you did this infront of his face.  Have some respect for him and for your relationship.  If you want to do single things then be single.  You are not overcompromising, you are salvaging your relationship.

[Jozie77]

Hi, thanks for your comment it give me a bit of perspective.  Just to be accurate, I wasn't rubbing my privates against anyone else, but I get your point.

Thanks

[megochick101]

I don't consider dancing with other men to be innocent at all. Especially when most people dance together they are grinding their privates on each other. If I was out drunk and dancing on other guys my husband would probably kill me lol Ok joking aside, he would be extremely pissed off. And i feel the same way, i don't want my husband grinding on some other woman.

There's nothing wrong with going out and having a good time and having some drinks. But why weren't you dancing with your boyfriend. I'm sorry but I completely agree with him, if you're in a relationship you shouldn't be "having a crazy dance session" with ANY other guys. If he was there why didn't you dance with HIM?