Relationship Help!. I broke my celibacy after one year and feeling odd

[Celestial_Goddess]

I need relationship help. I am not sure why I always come the forum whenever I am in relationship problems.. Maybe its because people I do not know give me honest opinions. Well yesterday I gave my celibacy to a great guy. We have been going out for a month now and things are going fantastic. We both agreed on being just friends until we are both ready for commitment. We both talk to other people but it never gets to the next level because we both in some way intrigued by each other presence. He is almost everything I want in a guy minus the fact that he is younfer than me and he is not ready to settle. He met my family and I met his family and every single time we hang out it is always fun. Although he has all these great attributes after giving him my celibacy I felt so empty on the inside. It wasn't what I expected. Losing my virginity was much better experience than losing my celibacy. . I wanted to do something spontaneous so We had sex in the back seat of my car while watching the moon. Everything happened so fast. I did not even reach orgasm because he ejaculated so quickly. Not only that he had trouble with finding where to put his penis. Maybe the car was not a bedroom and things were uncomfortable for him. Afterwards I felt so sad... I began to cry and he comforted me and told me he does not think differently of me and that next time things will be better. He hated to see me cry so he did things to make me laugh. When I got home I began to think about why I was feeling so empty and I dwindle it down to 3 reasons. Losing my virginity to a guy that left afterwards paranoid me, losing my celibacy was not at all a pleasuring experience, and lastly I lost my celibacy to a guy that I am not in a relationship with. I did told him how I felt and his response is I am overthinking and worrying too much.  Like I stated previously he is almost everything I want all for the exception he tells me he is not ready for commitment, but every time I tell him I am about to date or when he sees my phone gets a message from someone else he gets curious and tells me not to go anywhere. I am 23 and he is 18. At 23, I am young but time is ticking I can not wait for him.

I understand this post is all over the place but I need advice

[Chima7]

You're not going to find a meaningful long term prospective partner on the playground. This 18 year old kid is at the age where he is supposed to be running around acting like an idiot and chasing as many girls as possible. You should not expect a commitment from him at his age because he is as far away from that mindset as possible right now. You knew this going in, we all tried to warn you,  but you insisted you were just going to stay friends with him. I'm not sure why you'd want anything more from a child who literally is still wet behind the ears.

You have far too many of your own issues going on right now and instead of chasing after kids on the playground you should be concentrate on yourself and healing from your last experience before getting involved with someone else. You have way too many unresolved emotions going on right now and the combination of that plus chasing after a boy who still plays with GI Joe dolls is not going to help you. Hopefully you'll realize this and stop trying to hook up with him anymore.

[Londres70]

The other possibility is that you are a commitment phobe.  Meaning you seek unsuitable partners to have relationships with because you know they will NEVER go anywhere; nothing pass sex and fun.  You could be doing this on a subconscious level; not realizing what you are doing.

[Londres70]

Celestial Goddess,

You definitely are all over the board...............that's about the only thing you are exactly on the money about.

Sleeping with a guy in this short period of time is usually NEVER a great idea.

"We both agreed on being just friends until we are both ready for commitment."...............Why are you having sex with him if you are trying to establish a friendship? Are you wanting the "friends with benefits" senario or are you really wanting a TRUE, meaningful relationship?  

Sounds like this 18 year old guy is happy with the "friends with benefits" senario.  Don't think you are going to convince him to make a serious commitment to you because you are sleeping with him.  He is 18 for heaven's sake.  

You need to be realistic about this and be honest with yourself.  You KNOW this will probably never be anything more than SEX AND FUN.  

Quit sleeping with him and see what happens.  

The ONLY reason he tells you "not to go anywhere" is because he wants you available for sex with him...........trust me, it is ONLY for his selfish reasons not because he may want anything serious with you in the long run.

Maybe I am old-fashioned, but why are you sleeping with someone who is a friend?  Is it normal for you to sleep with your guy friends?  I guess the "friends with benefits" situation is popular and common nowadays.  I just don't get it.  Why give YOUR body to someone who told you he isn't going to COMMIT to you?  Do you think that little of yourself?

"When I got home I began to think about why I was feeling so empty and I dwindle it down to 3 reasons. Losing my virginity to a guy that left afterwards paranoid me, losing my celibacy was not at all a pleasuring experience, and lastly I lost my celibacy to a guy that I am not in a relationship with."................Of course you didn't feel great because you KNOW deep down inside that this situation is NOT right and is a total MISTAKE, but you continue to plod along trying to make it into something that it isn't and will NEVER be.

Wake up and drop this.  You need to figure YOU out BEFORE entering any other relationship; you are not ready for any relationship with a guy. You do things without thoroughly thinking them through.  It is only after you do it you think about it thoroughly.  You need to think THOROUGHLY about it BEFORE you do it.  Sounds like you are TOO impulsive for your own good.  

[RockRose]

For someone who really was dedicated to being celibate,  I'm not sure why this line is so blurred.

I COMPLETELY agree that you should be celibate until you are in a relationship.  At the very very least,  you should be in a "relationship" whatever that means.  He's 18.  Of course he's not ready to commit.  

You've known this guy a month,  and have been having sexual behaviors with him since early May.  

Whatever you're healing from,  I think you still need time to heal - you've once again become physically intimate with a partner too early in the relationship.

Best wishes.

[Celestial_Goddess]

Yes he's the same guy. I talked about my feelings with him last night and he replied that it's ok and that we can take things slower. I am happy that he understands. He told me next time he will make it up to me. Although I've only known him for a month, I am building trust with him each day. He's right about taking things slow and not rushing into a relationship. I also feel like as each day passes he's growing closer to me because he shared a personal thought with me last night. I told him I enjoy our friendship and that if things going the way they are then we will have a good relationship when the time comes because of the bond we're developing as friends

[Nighthawk61]

Well you are wanting to hold off on intimacy until you find commitment...
(good idea)
you cry when becoming intimate with someone who doesn't want to commit

and he wants to have intimacy, with no commitment...
(his mind is made up, this is his choice)
he sloughs off your feelings about being intimate without commitment
(so he can continue to get some)

it doesn't sound like it's a good fit for you
it seems it doesn't matter to him about how you feel as long as he gets some

is this the same 18 year old guy that you posted about on May 7th, when he didn't ask you about "fingering your butt" without asking.?
he's immature, and just trying to get some experience with you and anyone else he can manage to get some from

In my opinion, i  think that you should wait until you are in a committed relationship or you will feel like you've been used, every time you participate in casual sex.