Right or Wrong?

[tinydreams22]

All right. Question for you all! This is an opinion question, please no rude comments.. Just a question.

Heres the situation:
I'm almost 19 years old. Steady job, steady relationship, apartment, etc. I have been with my significant other for nearly four years now and have loved every minute of it. There's no doubt I want to be the mother of his children. However, I'm only 18 still. We both have graduated high school, have jobs, etc. He will be 21 this May. I find myself really wanting a child for the past 6 months or so, and he too. Is it wrong to have a child this young if you can support one and have been in a secure relationship for almost four years? I would really like one and think we'd both make excellent parents. But the age thing is really an issue, which it should be. But I'm sure this is what I want and I'm sure we could take care of a child. Is it wrong to try to conceive a baby this young, even if I know we can take care of one?

[specialmom]

Children are a wonderful thing.  I'll be honest with you--------  I enjoyed a successful career, got married in my mid 30's and had my first child at 38.  It did change everything.  I'm not a party animal or the kind of person that has to be out and about all of the time, but I do like to read a good book, exercise, etc.  Well . . . once you have children ---- no matter what the age-----  your time is no longer your own.  You are accountable to a little being that is counting on you to care for their every need.  It is a beautiful experience and all the success I had in my chosen profession was never as fulfilling as caring for those precious ones I gave birth to.  But . . . it IS hard work and much more difficult than I even imagined.  You should be prepared for this.

I would say having waited as long as I did may not be the perfect scenario.  I was lucky but friends my age that have not been successful having their own children as it does get increasingly more difficult as you age.  I think the perfect age to have a child is 30.  If I could re do my life . . . 30 would be my pick for myself.  However . . . who really gets to pick their life, right?  With that said, I would wait a few years.  good luck to you.

[EveKendall]

You've got a good 25 years to have kids. What's the rush?

I traveled after I got out of undergrad and before going to graduate school.  Traveling is more fulfilling than kids in a lot of ways - different cultures, learn a different language, see how other people live.  

Plus our economy isn't going to improve. The middle class is being collapsed by the ruling class and isn't coming back any time soon. There is a race on to flatten wages to those equal to what is being paid in countries like China and Indonesia.  Do you really want your kids growing up in this environment?  

You can't just think about your "needs" when you have kids. We are already at peak oil, probably will hit peak water soon, and climate change is having disastrous consequences. Overpopulation really isn't the answer.  

[jo929]

you are to young, also you have missed out on being a teenager, wait awhile, you srarted living together to soon, and you are not married, there is plenty of time luck  jo

[teko]

I think it is normal to want a baby, especially when your in love. But..... You are not married and would it be better for a child to wait? Until you can provide them with a good solid stable beginning with a Mom and a Dad that have committed to each other and him/her.  Not to mention financial security, as they are very expensive. I allowed my daughter to get married at 17. She was in a relationship with her first date/boyfriend and they were in love. 8 years and 3 children later, they are getting divorced. I would really urge you to wait. Anything worth having is worth waiting for. You have the rest of your life, dont be in a big hurry.

[RockRose]

Tinydreams,  if you were married,  I'd say go for it.  As it is,  you kind of have two strikes against you in the parenting department right now - you are pretty young,  and you're single.    I don't mean that rudely,  but that should play a part in the decision.  You two aren't committed to each other yet.

[imanaddict]

LOL! Feel free to come babysit for my kids anytime you like! LOL! You'll change your mind real quick! hahaha

[tinydreams22]

Thanks for all your advice and comments! As for going out and such, we don't really. We may go to the movies once a month, but for the most part we just stay home and spend time together. I guess I've never really been into "enjoying my youth," lol, I've  always been more the type to stay home and read or watch a movie. I try to babysit as much as I can but all the mothers I know never want to hand over their babies! Lol.

[imanaddict]

I agree with the others. Take it from someone who has 4 kids, don't rush to become a parent. Enjoy your teen years while you can because one day you're going to wake up at age 30 and say man, I wish I was 18 again! I can totally understand the biological clock, mine starting ticking at 15 and I am grateful that I never got pregnant at that age! I didn't have my first child until I was 25 which was a good age for me and I was at a better place maturity wise. I don't know what type of financial situation you guys are in, but a baby is extremely expensive! Daycare for a newborn is avg $200/wk, diapers are expensive, formula is expensive, then there's sickness, the hospital bills, etc. The getting up every 2  hours to feed the baby is so incredibly tiring and can put a huge strain on young parents. There's a LOT to consider!

I'm really glad you have a good relationship and a good head on your shoulders. My opinion is to wait at least a few more years. Enjoy your life, take trips, see some of the world, get married, etc and then have a baby. I guarantee you will be glad you waited.

[mami1323]

It's not wrong at all, some people want babies younger than others.  However, what is the rush?  Like Judy said!  You have so much life to live yet, you want to be able to offer so much more life experience to your child.  How about vacations?  What about the simple things like just going to the movies?  Yeah, you can hire babysitters but it's not that simple when you have a child.  The child gets sick, the babysitter gets sick, the child has a breakdown the minute you are leaving.  It's really not as simple as just getting someone to watch the baby.  Intimacy changes once you have a child.  It's not passionate, and loud or long, because you are trying to listen to make sure the baby isn't going to wake up and when they do, what a mood killer.  Not to mention, the utter exhaustion you feel 24/7.  You just don't have any energy.  You can have a child at 19, but why not wait until you've had some kind of fun.

[Judy246]

Take your time, young lady, don't you rush get get old! Bringing a baby into this world is a life time responsibility. There are also so many factors beside love: Stable home, parents should be financially stable or responsible to provide financially for the baby's needs: food, cloth (contant buying due to growth), doctor visit's for vaccinations, when they get sick, baby's cry day and night, constant diaper change. Your life is no longer yours at 18, but the baby's and it will reach a point where you will see your friends going out, school, college, dancing, shopping and you will have to be looking for baby sitters and too tired for anything, so although a baby is a gift and a blessing the responsibilities that come with one is huge which many young teen moms most of the time regret and wish they could haved just waited. The age difference between you and b/f is no big deal (3 yrs). I'm 5 yrs. older than my fiance and he looks older than me.

Right now you are at a beautiful age, where you should be in a wonderful relationship and enjoying your youth, because youth will get old, time will pass and if you rush into anything right now, your life is going to change and pass before you and when you get to my age you will say, "If only I could have waited", "If only I could have's......". So, take your time and don't rush to grow old. Trying babysitting a newborn for a week day and night and I bet you are going to fall on your knees and say, "Thank you God, that I didn't rush in adulthood, before my time". Judy