Is it possible to be friends with someone you once dated?

[Hypnoash6]

My story-
I dated a guy in high school into college  for about 4 years. We went to different high schools and then went to the same college for 2 of the years since we were 2 years apart. We then realized we were just best friends. My family and his family were very close. We both moved separately to Florida, I came down for school and he moved down with his family. We live 4 hours apart.

I started dating a new guy when I moved down 2 years ago. He met my new boyfriend and they got along well. They both knew the situation but were both comfortable with it. My current bf and I would take trips to visit his part of FL and he would come down here.

Then he started dating someone in January, he had a very difficult time finding someone who was attracted to him. I was the only person he ever dated and it was 4 years. They bought a dog together a month into the relationship. My boyfriend and I made plans to meet up one weekend in March with him and his new gf and he blew us off because his gf wanted to paint her room. Then I got a txt message from him saying that him and his gf decided it would be better off if we only talked on a limited basis. He then sent a email clarifying himself saying by sending that txt was the only way she would fully trust him. He said I would finally meet her once they were engaged and he saw that happening within the next 8 months, this was in march.

Since then he barley talks to me anymore. I feel like I have lost a good friend. I received a email from him the other day saying that he is going to have some surprising news coming up soon (meaning they are getting engaged within the next few weeks). Then through a txt message he would like all of us to meet up at the end of August. I realized by then they most likely will be engaged and thats the only reason he wants to hang out.

Ive talked to many people about the situation and they were shocked about the situation. I am disappointed about the situation because I feel l have lost a good friend. What do you think of this situation? Should I be mad at him for acting this way to me?

[specialmom]

Well,  truth is . . . neither my husband and I remained friends with past flings . . . like real friends.  He was friends with some before we got together and so was I.  In fact, an old bf of mine was a mutual friend of ours and he did a lot of damage to our relationship.  Sometimes someone can have a lingering feeling or two that they don't even know they have and it comes out at the oddest times.  This guy had some lingering feelings and didn't like my now husband, then boyfriend and I being together and happy it seemed.  

We went on a double date once with an old girlfriend of my husband's and her boyfriend.  She said something to my then boyfriend and they had a private laugh.  I watched and thought . . . yuck.  Didn't like it.  Now I was in my thirties, mature, professional, quite confident.  I also was pretty confident in my relationship.  But I got a bad feeling from that double date.  I never said a word about it . . . but my husband never suggested we get together again.  We never have.  As to woman friends . . . only the ones that befriended me with their whole heart remained.  The others drifted off (the one's mainly concerned with his friendship).  Again, I never said a word.  But my husband is super loyal and just didn't keep in contact with woman that would call only him or email only him.  It happened very naturally.  (make sure you marry a loyal guy, by the way!)  

So, my suggestion is this------------  try to relax about it.  See what happens.  As they become a more solid couple and she is less insecure (as she seems to be a bit)-------  the opportunity to get together may be back on the table.  Then you are super friendly to HER and practically ignore him.  Try to get to know her and treat her like she is important.  And see how the friendship develops between you and her.  If it doesn't, then no---------- you probably won't remain friends with him (if he is a good boyfriend to her).  

Then you'd be just friendly aquaintences.  That is okay too (you'll live).  But hopefully, as their relationship grows------ you'll be given the opportunity to "friend" them as a couple.  Or . . . they'll break up and you'll have him back as he was.  Until the next girl.  (dating sure screws up "real" friendship after you break up!)  good luck

[kay2486]

some girls think boys and girls can't just be mates, and shes one of these, or shes just insecure

my boyfriend used to go out with his mate and his mates girlfriend and i wouldn't let him go out with her now, i just don't trust her and we've both got kids now

all my friends in school were lads and i got on better with them than the girls, they were bitchy, ive always been the same got on better with the lads.

i think hes moved on and find someone he really likes, do you still have feelings for him?
or dp you just feel angry you've lost a mate?

[Hypnoash6]

Its just very hard because our families were very close and as weird as it may sound, I saw him as a brother. I dont think he ever clearly explained our friendship to the gf which caused this when he answered a phone call from me in front of her. I have been having dreams every night about this, last night I had a dream he called me and told me he was married.

[imanaddict]

I understand why you would be upset. I can see both sides. I'm not sure if the new GF is just extremely insecure, or if she thinks she has a valid reason to not want you two being friends (she may think he still has feelings for you or vice versa). Regardless, sometimes we have to be a friend and honor their wishes, no matter if we agree with it or not. Maybe after she meets you, she will change her mind. Who knows, maybe the two of you will hit it off and you will get to keep an old friend and gain a new one.

[lovemykids465]

I feel if you really care about him you will let him do what he needs to do, I had the same situation and the more we talked the more he would say he is confused about his feelings for me, this really bothered his girlfriend but he did not care he kept calling me so I told him to stop calling me. We are good friends but it is not worth causing stress in his relationship.