Should I reach out or leave it alone?

[trulyme1909]

Trigger Warning:  attempted suicide/self harm

Its been two weeks since no contact with my narc ex. I just got a call from his sister letting me know that their nephew (who my ex was close to) tried to unalive himself. He is stable and doing ok and placed on a watch for the next few days. I feel bad that me and ex narc are not communicating ( I had to get a restraining order). In situations like this its always good to have someone to lean on or talk to and I always that person for him. Part of me wants to break the order and just call or send him a text to check on him and see how he is doing with all of this. I did ask my ex sister how he was doing but she didnt know because when the family was at the hosptial she didnt see him. Despite how he treated me I still want to make sure he is doing ok in regards to his nephew. I need advice? Should I reach out to him? What should I do?

[auntiejessi]

Absolutely not.

First, breaking it may place you in legal issues, but secondly, it will just start the cycle all over again.

He has people in his life that he can talk to. He can talk to his parents, right? He must be living with them.

You are not his friend. If you were, it wouldn't have taken since Feb (your post about breaking up with him) to two weeks ago for him to respect your wishes for no contact. You wouldn't have needed a restraining order to get him to go no contact.

I'm very sorry about his nephew, and hope he gets well and gets the help he needs. I hope your ex gets the help he needs. But if you had to get a restraining order, that means it got ugly, right?

Protect yourself and your kids. That always comes first.

That you are thinking of doing this means it's time for some counseling. The co-dependency is real.

Wishing you all the best.

[AnnieBrooke]

If the two of you have reached a state where a restraining order is necesssary, please re-think your motivation for wanting to contact him.  

[AnnieBrooke]

After reading jessi's comments, I looked back at the posts about this guy. He's the one with five kids from different women who said he wouldn't want to see his kid with you if you broke up, right? Who is in every way no prize. What do you imagine you would gain by contacting him in violation of a restraining order? (Besides giving him a big card to play against you in any kind of fight before a judge.) Do you really think that if you act nice, he will magically be prompted by your goodness to be a perfect boyfriend when all along he was a user and a loser? It hasn't worked all along, why would anything be different now? As jessi says, it's time to talk to a counselor about why you are so willing to embrace a person who is using and abusing you.