Should I suspect something?

[CassCore]

My husband is a wonderful, wonderful man and I love him very much. He has never given me any reason to doubt him in any way. However, the past couple of months I have noticed he has become very territorial over his computer. For example, I walk in the room and he "X's" out of everything, I'll ask him who he's talking to on AIM and he'll sort of beat around the bush and come up with an answer like "his cousin". The other day I got on his computer (with him in the room) to print off some coupons, as he was getting ready to leave for work he made me turn off his computer, even though I was still looking for coupons, because he "wanted to look for coupons with me". Another time I came home from work and saw a chat screen up on his computer and started to read it. The conversation was between two screen names I didn't recognize and the conversation was VERY sexual and inappropriate. When I asked my husband about it, he said it must be some virus and he erased the messanger from his computer. He doesn't like me to be in the room with him when he gets on the computer because he says he's playing a game and he wants his "alone guy time". He gets annoyed with me sometimes when I want to come lay in bed when he's on the computer. When I asked him why he was so defensive about his computer he said because it's his only "guy time to himself". We do live in a very small apartment and he is someone who likes to have alone time. I want to respect his request for alone time especially since he doesn't have a "man cave" or anything, but I can't help but wonder why he's so defensive about his computer! Anyone have some advice? Should I approach him or let it go?

[brice1967]

I'm with Vance on this as well.  I won't get into my story, but this sounds a lot like me. As for what to do?  I give.  I mean, at the least, this behavior is innappropriate.  It can and should be addressed.  I enjoy a little alone time as does anyone.... but its all an open book now.

[louise96]

'I believe in privacy.  An example, I'm on med help and answer questions that I guess I wouldn't really love my husband hovering over my shoulder reading.  Not because I'm inappropriate but it would mess up my mo jo.  The difference is . . . he COULD because I'm not doing anything I shouldn't be doing.'

I agree with that, and I feel the same. But that doesn't me that if my bf came over while I was on here that I would suddenly click all the pages away - I would simply ask him to not read over my shoulder because it was private.

[louise96]

Yep sorry but yes, I would definately be suspicous. He is definately doing something online that he doesn't want you to see.

If you don't think he could be cheating on you physically, then perhaps it is about some sort of sexual fantasy he has that he doesn't feel he to talk to you about? Try talking to him - tell him you know he's up to something and he HAS to be honest and tell you what. Explain that you won't judge him (unless he is having an affair of course!),

Good luck.

[Michele, Katy, TX]

I'm sorry but I agree w/ the others.  Really sounds like your husband is hiding something.  I know myself.  I would have to ask my husband and depending on his response, I'd find out for myself.  Another words, if I was satisfied with his answer, then that would be it I guess, but if not, I'd do some snooping.  I know many are against that, but if you are dealing with someone that is not willing to be upfront with you, then it kind of leaves no other choice, and I would have to know one way or another.  But I am just speaking for myself.  It just seems to me that most people with secrets, or with something to hide, aren't very forthcoming about it.

Good luck.

[specialmom]

I must join the  bandwagon of these wise people.  

I believe in privacy.  An example, I'm on med help and answer questions that I guess I wouldn't really love my husband hovering over my shoulder reading.  Not because I'm inappropriate but it would mess up my mo jo.  The difference is . . . he COULD because I'm not doing anything I shouldn't be doing.  

He's acting secretive-----------  he most likely has a secret.  I'd have a heart to heart.  NOT a confrontation in which you immediately put him on the defensive but  a real conversation about what is going on with the computer.

By the way, how is the rest of your relationship?  Any issues or lack of closeness lately?

[TTinKKerBBell]

a Man who has "nothing to hide" is hiding nothing

"alone time" is not the same thing as keeping secrets

I would suggest "something" is going on here

[penswriter]

I'm with Vance, I've never heard of any virus popping up as chat sessions and I'm married to a freakin computer genius. I know about viruses...my netbook is always getting them. (He's the comp genius...not me. He just fixes what I break...all the time. lol)

Also there is no reason for him to pretty much forbid you from being on the computer when he's not there. My husband has his "guy" time on his computer while I'm on mine and we do it right next to each other. A man who isn't hiding anything doesn't get so paranoid when his wife is near the computer.

[Vance2335]

Well all this kind of adds up to the fact that he is having sexual conversations online. He may not be doing anything more then that but I would really ask him about it. No virus is going to pop up a chat session.

He may want alone time which is fine but his alone time does not seem to be what anyone would really expect.