doctor patient relationship

[queens610]

My male doctor is always complementing me on my appearance,hugged me a few times and rubbed my back.
I'm not sure if he's attracted to me or just being friendly? During my last breast exam,he stayed in the exam room while I dressed, with his back towards  me. Am I reading too much in to this?.

[momagain59]

((Thanks, I like my doctor he is cool and funny, but I'm not interested in him. I'm in my 20's he's 40 something. He's my first male gynecologist, so I just wanted hear what others thought.... ))

I think he is taking advantage of his patient/doctor relationship. I wonder how many other young girls he has done this to. You do not owe him anything, he was just doing his job.

[melissajean]

yes you should definitely get a different doctor. there should always be a nurse in the room, my doctor always has a nurse in the room even when hes not doing an exam, its for his protection and mine. and he should never be in the room while you dress or undress no matter what. any doctor should want to leave so he can see other patiense while you dress so he is more efficient...that seems sort of wierd that he would stay.

[RockRose]

Queens,  this is your choice.  I honestly feel like this guy is completely inappropriate,  but inappropriate never killed anyone.  If you feel like he's a better doctor than most,  and you trust his medical decisions,  that's a reason to keep going to him.  

I've chosen pediatricians and ortho surgeons who have horrible bedside manners - the surgeon regularly uses the F word right in front of patients.  But he's the best surgeon,  in my opinion,  in the area and I trust his skill.  One of the pediatricians my kids used when they were little looked like that actor from House - and he was even more gruff and hateful than Dr. House,  but as good a diagnostician.  I put up with his gruff edges because he was good.  

So it's up to you.  

[queens610]

The reason I feel a certain loyalty towards him is when he operated on me I lost so much blood,most doctors would have removed my uterus to keep me from hemoraging but he didn't. It was touch and go for awhile but I made it. He did not want to perform a hysterectomy because of my age, and not having any children yet...I've made appointments with  2 other female doctors, we'll see how that goes....

[SixStringer]

By all means, switch to another doctor.

[katarina777]

I'd be interested in knowing what you decide to do. This attraction factor really has nothing to do with it, either if one does or not. I like it and don't feel threatened by it and I just threw that out as a possibility but not as a fact that would matter necessarily. I hope you know what I mean. I was not suggesting that you are, or that it would complicate things either way. Even if he is attracted to you, it does not matter, and it's not wrong. his behavior is, and all you have said could under different circumstances be a problem or not. but that you can only decide subjectively, and not we objectively.

[queens610]

Thanks, I like my doctor he is cool and funny, but I'm not interested in him. I'm in my 20's he's 40 something. He's my first male gynecologist, so I just wanted hear what others thought....

[katarina777]

PS: And I think with my gynecologist just about everyone has a crush on him. He even got a degree in marriage and Family counseling a few years ago so he can be more in tune with his patients. he is a great surgeon and chief of staff at the hospital, he is incredibly attractive and nice and he takes his time, and more. yet, he is totally professional, just in a way that is so much nicer than this 'stiff' distance others show, trembling with fear about a lawsuit.

[katarina777]

After you now got all of our advice, and have also listened to your own thoughts, like the last one, you need to go with your own truth and what you know in your gut and heart about this relationship.

Maybe you are yourself a bit attracted and that may scare you?

Only you can know. And I don't think the fact that he doesn't have a nurse with him should be the determination at all. My gynecologist does not either. He has a statement posted about this in his offic, which goes something like this:

'I do not have a nurse present because my patients tend to feel more comfortable without one there. They feel more relaxed and open. Idf though, you as the patient feel differently and want a nurse present, please tell me and she will be there.'

I myself definitely feel more comfortable without a nurse, and I was talking with a neighbor about this and she said she does too.

Hope this helps.

[treazzure007]

sounds like someone has a crush on you....

unless you're interested, you should find another doc

[queens610]

I live in Virginia

[RockRose]

Having his back turned while you are dressing after a breast exam is only the smallest part of this,  queens.  You don't say what country you are in,  and maybe physican standards are different there,  but in the US pelvic exams aren't done alone with a male doctor only in the room.  I've never heard of this,  ever - and I'm thinking there may actually be AMA standards in writing about that.  I don't know for sure,  but doing a pelvic alone is not acceptable.

Best wishes.

[queens610]

Thanks,  everyone for your advice and for  hearing me out. I guess it's time to find another doctor. I just want to be clear  about him being in  the room while I got dressed.It only happened once, during a breast exam,I was fully dressed below the waist, he had his back towards me.I don't want to sully his reputaion as doctor, I just needed to get a second opinion. I can't tell my family or friends they would go ballistic...

[Michele, Katy, TX]

I have a male OB/GYN.  He has been my doc since I was 15.  I am now 33.  He has also delivered all 5 of my children.  He has NEVER stayed in the room while I am dressing.  He also doesn't examine me without a nurse being in the room ever.

He does give me a quick hug sometimes, but he does that with my husband too.  After 5 kids, he's like family. LOL!  It's really just a side hug (quick squeeze) by putting his arms around my shoulders.

This is not normal as what you are describing about your doc.  And honestly, the slight  (and I mean slight) affection I see from my doctor has just been in the recent years.  It took years to develop that type of relationship, for him to be that comfortable with me and vice versa.  With my last baby, he did give me one of those side hugs and quick kiss on the cheek but it was right in front of my husband and then he gave my husband a hug.  That was the first time he had ever done that but after 5 kids and after knowing him 18 years, that didn't bother me a bit.  My husband loves my doctor and we both feel nothing but comfort with him.  Heck, my husband wants to invite him over for dinner.  LOL!

I didn't mean for this to be so long, but go with your gut.  If it doesn't feel quite right, it's not right.  And from someone that has all male doctors (my reg doc is male also), this does not sound right at all!!  I agree with others.  Run, don't walk!

[MrsOckert]

This is not normal behavior for a doctor.  I don't care if he's like this with all his patients or not.  I would be extremely uncomfortable.

Women that have been abused growing up make perfect targets as adults and predators know exactly how to find them and nurture them.

Predators can be doctors, police officers or the dirty old man on the corner.

Run, don't walk.

[katarina777]

The only thing I find down right inappropriate, and without any further information from you, is that the doctor stays in the room while you are getting dressed.

[queens610]

There is no nurse present at anytime, even during a pelvic examn. I've been his patient for a year now, I'm pretty sure  that's the procedure regarding all his patients.

[RockRose]

When you have a pelvic exam,  there is no nurse present?  Even if his intentions are completely honest,  he's playing with fire.  This is not normal procedure for a male OB.

[queens610]

There is no nurse present at anytime,except once when I was having my stitches removed,but my doctor decided to remove them himself.All his patients say he is very cool....

[RockRose]

My ob is very affectionate,  too,  but I notice it's with everyone.  That's his nature,  to be touchy and affectionate.  He doesn't stay in the room while I'm dressing,  though,  that seems inappropriate.  Where was the nurse?  Shouldn't there have been a nurse in the room while he's in there?