worried about my husband... pls help

[essel24]

hi, im 24 my husband is 29. he is a singer with a band which plays at night clubs while i stay home.his band has got a new female singer...the type which wears the shortest skirts, wears the blouse showing half of her stomach, full make up, hugs and touches other men etc - note that this is an asian country where other women dont do those-
the other day, they came here for a lunch (to our home) and she totally ignored me and seemed so interested about my husband.

she calls his mobile, sends texts etc...

they work together at nights, they work in the same field, she has the same interest for music as him. so... im a little worried.there is not a big problem yet but ...you know when a woman feels something........
what advice can you give me? thanks :)

[iam1butterfly]

Yes, one does have a sense for these things.
Have you spoken to your husband about your concerns?
If not; you should.
If you have, what does he say?  
Also, is it possible for you to accompany your husband to the night club?
Or, can you occasionally show up at the club, on your own... unannounced
... a surprise visit?
You can sit back and relax; enjoy the atmosphere and music; applaud the performance and, at the same time, watch your husband... and this woman.
Her rude and dismissive treatment of you is an obvious attempt to minimize
your existence and position as the Wife. Make your husband and this woman
aware that you are there... make your presence known and felt.
Maybe, this will serve as a necessary reminder that you are the Wife... and
that you will not be ignored!

[teko]

Follow your gut on this one.  While you cannot control the situation, you can work on your relationship with your man, making it hard for him to be tempted by the temptress. If your relationship is solid then your relationship will win out.

[megochick101]

Do you ever go to the club with him for his shows? if not I would definitely go like iam1butterfly said. If it's a little out of the ordinary for you to be there adn your husband asks you about it, just tell your husband you wanted to get out of the house and decided to come and listen to some great music. he can't really find any fault in that can he?

Then you can sit ,relax and enjoy the music while checking out your hubby's and other girls relationship. Plus you being in the audience will let the hubby know you appreciate his work and fully support him and will make him think more about you than this other woman. Also like teko said, work on your relationship to make it stronger. Just simple things like talking about how his night went will show him that you care.

[megochick101]

*sorry I didn't mean to go with him when he leaves for the show i meant go there a little later so you can catch some of the show.

[essel24]

it is not normal for a lady to be at a night club without a man.(as i said , this is an asian country- i hope you will try to see the difference,thanks for that) the night clubs are filled with drunk men and my husband would really dislike it if i show up there, alone.
any other advice? thank you for your time and effort :)

i told him about my concerns - just casually . he says thats how she is.
but ignoring me completely and being over friendly with my hubby using the pet name his close friends use cant really be "the way she is"

[iam1butterfly]

It probably is "the way she is."
But, that doesn't make it right.
And, it doesn't make it acceptable.
Since you can't go to the night club, then you need to tell your husband that you would feel better if his contact with this woman was less sociable and more businesslike. Explain to him that the way she ignores you gives you an uneasy feeling; and, that you are surprised that he is not insulted for you... as most men
would defend their wives when treated badly.
If he can make excuses for the woman by saying, "that's how she is," then, he
can explain to that woman, "that is how my wife is."

[essel24]

she called today (to his mobile) he was in the bathroom i answered the phone. i didnt say hello. she said "hey i missed you thats why i called can you tell me how to sing blah blah blah" then i said "this is eseseli" then she asked "oh wheres hug bear" -ok... dont laugh :) thats my pet name for my husband coz he always hugs me and that feels good :) - this got me on fire and i said "wtf do you think you are to call my husband using that name" she just cut the line.no sorry nothing

[sammy73]

This girl is who she is.  There is nothing you can do to control her behaviour.  The only thing that matters is how your husband reacts to her.  She can flirt all she wants, if your husband does not take the bait then all is well.  In fact it's good - if he can resist her flirting it's a demonstration of how committed he is to you, and you alone.

Even if you could go to the club (or if you got a male friend you trust to go and watch him and report back), I disagree with the other posters that this would be of any value.  When they are on stage, it is an act - they could be flirty, they could put arms round each other, and it could just be part of the performance and nothing more.  It's just a show.  How they behave backstage would be far more interesting.

As far as you've seen, is she flirty with all men, or does it appear to be clearly aimed at your husband?

[teko]

I agree with sammy. While this girl may or may not be flirting with your husband, it is up to your husband to control her.  All the antics of being sneaky, spying and treating your husband like a child is what will destroy your relationship, not some flirt. There will always be girls like this around your man, so do you trust HIM? That is the bottome line and if you show him you do not, that will cause the issues that you fear not the flirt.

[Judy246]

I'm bold enough to go up to her and introduce myself as his wife just to make her aware that he is married, see you, know you and I'm sure she will be aware that you are on to her.  Marriage's are based on respect and trust, but temptations are all around, especially in a band. That is the type of environment that he is in. Just make sure you attend some of these events early on and make your presence known to her that you are there and your onto her. The rest, leave it up to your husband to behave himself.

[Judy246]

I have just read your telephone conversation with this girl. You tell her straight forward that she is to respect your husband as a married man that he is and neither you or your husband are going to tolarate her crossing any inapproprate lines with name calling, etc. Tell her you don't like it, appreicate and will put up with him, if she wants to continue working with your husband. Tell your husband that if he does not have her respect him as a married man and personal attention......ALL HELL IS GOING TO BREAK LOOSE and does he need this drama in his life, both personal and professional life. Put the burden on him to take care of this now or you will.

[Judy246]

sorry, I meant is "Tell her you don't like it, appreciate it and will not put up with it, if she want to continue working or having a professional relationship with your husband. Tell her, " I will make it a point to make life for you in this band miserable".....kind of bold. Put the burden on him to control her and have her respect you both and your marriage.

If she want to call him, make her aware that you answer the phone and text to help him him.