Two Really Great Guys?

[WhisperRain]

I really hope this is the right place, please tell me if it isn't.

I'm not the type of girl that this normally happens to because I have really bad trust issues and it takes a lot for a person to earn my respect. However I do have two guys that have surprisingly earned it.

Guy # 1: I've been with for 3 years (Long Distant Online) and yes we've met in person. He's sweet, caring and an overall great guy. Good husband and father material. We get along great and I know nothing is perfect. Never done drugs, smoked or done really anything bad. He's 21 and still lives at home. Not going to college but has a full time job, hard worker and very family orientated.

Problems: He's very sexual but not really physical. He'll hold my hand for a second and that will be it. He spent a little too much time on his computer, the last time we were together which kind of made me angry (cause I was only able to stay with him for 7 days). He doesn't really have a set future in mind, he wants to marry me, have kids but he never really says for sure I'm in his future. Another thing, I email him all the time and I nearly have to beg him to email me back (me sent him 1,000 and him like 63).

Guys # 2: I met 3 months ago,  (21 years old) he doesn't look at sweet as he really is. He's so very intellegent and as deep as center of the earth. He can read me like a book and has been through some dark stuff like I have. He tells me I'm beautiful everyday and emails me several times a day, just to tell me he misses hanging out with me. He's much more touchy non-physcially then my boyfriend is. He holds doors open for me and walks me to the door. He's already said he would protect me with his life and I'm meeting everyone that he knows. I spend 3 hours on the phone talking to him, that wouldn't happen with my boyfriend. He's going to go to a 4 year college, we're in the same community college class that's how we met. He's got his own place. He even once said how many kids and their genders which was the exact same as me (he did not know, it was scary), that didn't happen with my boyfriend.

Problems: He smokes, trying to quit though. He has some emotional issues which he's trying to take care of. He has a crazy ex-girlfriend who still tries to control him but she won't hurt me or anything. He gets kind of low on money which I know is to be expected sometimes.

I care about both of them so very much and I've done everything possible as of right now to try to help me decide. I know one is going to have to get hurt but I want to make the right choice in the end. No regrets type of deal. I just was wondering what someone else's opinion was but it'll be my decision at the end, regardless.

I know an old fortune cookie saying "when there is love there is no question". So if I'm so in love with my boyfriend then why do I have questions?

So which one do you think would be better choice or right for me?
How would you decide on who was the better choice?
Tips how to pull away easily?
Getting stuff back from boyfriend?

Anything would help me and I really appreicate any advice or help you give.

[specialmom]

I think it is almost impossible to make a mature decision about whom to be with when you are with two men at one time.  Take some time off from both and all men and then decide.  I know you probably won't do that because those who overlap men usually aren't willing to be alone.  But they are also the same ones that find themselves in chronically unhappy relationships.  So, for the best chance of happiness you should  attempt to be by yourself and examine your feelings and then go back to dating in a couple of months with a clean head and heart.  That self examination will help you make a better decision.  If you can't do it-----------  and you have to be with a man------- prepare yourself for difficulties ahead.  good luck

[AHP84]

In my opinion, I don't think I'd make a decision about either of them just yet. My reasoning is this: Guy #1 is, in my opinion, "immature love." You deeply care about him because you have a bond with him over three years, but the fact is, it sounds like you are outgrowing him. Your life is moving forward, and, well...he's not. It's hard to break those ties, but if you do stay with him, it will most likely be a rocky relationship within the next few years because you'll feel like you're the one doing everything to support and provide for a family--you'd be the breadwinner, the decision maker, the over-seer of finances. So eventually things *may* lead to resentment issues. His uninvolvement with you may get worse, he'll spend more time on the computer, probably seeking out porn because he's "very sexual," which may lead to more problems of resentment. I'm just speculating about all this...none of this may actually happen. I'm simply speaking from similar experiences in my past.

Guy #2: he's great now because you've known him for three months and it's all still new and exciting. He's giving you all you want in a relationship because he's trying to impress you right now. If you stay with this guy, how do you know that three years down the road he won't be similar in behavior to Guy #1? In this case, all I'm saying is that after three months, there's no way to determine if this guy is going to be good husband or father material just because he's going to college and talks about having kids.

So my advice is to step back and ask yourself what YOU really want in a man. Make a list if you have to, of everything that is ideal to you, and then check off one or two things (or however many you please) that you are willing to compromise, because nobody is perfect.
Then what I would advise is to maybe take a break from your relationship with Guy #1, and do not pursue a relationship with Guy #2, until you are absolutely certain that what you want in a man can be found in either of these two. Then you're not dumping one for another or cheating on Guy #1. In time, you may find that neither one of these guys is what you want at all, and then you may want to start anew and move on, knowing your life is going exactly where you'd like it to go.