Unhappy with fiancee

[kay2486]

Hi guys, ive posted on here a few times bout my boyfriend.  Been with him nearly nine years n im so un happy the ways things are here are a few things:
He will not come out with me anywhere i.e the pub or for a meal, he doesnt help me at all with the kids, decorating, gardening, if im struggling with money.

Well now i have found another guy who i like n he likes me problem is he is married.......he says he likes me he can talk to me, hes helped me with money when ive needed it, and for some reason i feel like weve clicked.  He talks to me about his wife saying shes had problems with her woman bits, he got emotional talking about a misacrriage the told me about an affair he had years ago. also alot of the time he feels likes running off to get away. It started with txting each other then flirting n that led to more.....

please give me your opinions on what i should do thanks :) i think i know what most of you are gonna say

[Londres70]

Ditto SM.....absolutely.  

He might not be having any "sexual" affair with you at the moment, but he definitely is having an "emotional" affair with you.  I am not if this man really UNDERSTANDS love.  If he "loved" his wife he sure wouldn't be interacting with you and giving you money.  Trust me.....he isn't giving you money just wanting conversation.  I am sure he will or has asked for more if you know what I mean.  The ONLY person this man cares about is himself.  

I just think you should leave both men....neither is a good choice.    

[specialmom]

Well, dear.  Stop talking/texting/communicating with him in ANY way.  He's a creep.  Who really cares why he is willing to keep his wife while having a primarily sexual affair (as that seems pretty clear what it would be) with someone on the side.  Like you said, he has done it before and he will do it again and heaven forbid his wife die form all of her ailments and some woman actually believes that he'd have an exclusive relationship with him.  He's just a low character, life time cheater.  Lowest of the low.  Biggest of the scum.

And sweetie, you ARE participating in his game by talking to him and even entertaining the idea of being his side woman/sex.  Gross.  

Stand up tall and realize that it is seedy and beneath any strong woman to get involved (even just talking) with this kind of scum.

You clearly need to leave your current husband.  Be alone hon and sort yourself out.  Going from one bad thing to another is very telling that you have some work to do to get your life back on a functional, healthy path.

I would love for you to find a way to see a therapist.  Is that possible?

PS:  you know that guy would only temporarily want to hook up with you, right?  It is not the answer to your problems. No matter what he says, those types of arrangements are very detrimental to a woman's ego and life.  

good luck

[kay2486]

thanks for all replies,

i am not having an affair with the married guy, i have the option too but will not, i have so much to loose happy or not happy with my current partner, n he has a wife and older children.  It would be absolute hell if we did and it got out.........

He has done it before and if i dont do it with him there will be someone else that comes along, i feel for his wife, shes had a stroke and been diagnosed with cancer years ago n now has to have her insides taken out including her thyroid glands.

Why would he wanna tyr this if he loved his wife????

he says he loves his wife and will never hurt me or her n he couldnt love anyone else, then says theres something about u i like but cant put my finger on it. x

[urwithkirsten]

??? dont be so... instead make happyyy each other

[Londres70]

Geez......this is NOT the solution to your woes, i.e. hooking up with a married man.  

The only thing you can do for this married man is give him the name and number of a THERAPIST so that he can work on his issues and his marriage.  Sounds like he is just trying to escape his problems by having an affair with you.  This married man is feeding you typical cheater lines, i.e. I can talk to you or you are so easy to talk to.  He should be at home trying to find a way to talk to his WIFE.  Just imagine if you were in his wife's shoes.  Have some compassion for this poor wife who probably doesn't have a clue about what awful crap is going on behind her back.  

Get RID of both men and figure out a solution WITHOUT involving a MAN.  

[brice1967]

End one relationship before starting another.  Do not get involved with someone in an established relationship with someone else.  

Those 2 rules will make your life 100 times easier, if you stand by them.

[Life360_Dave]

Find a new boyfriend but not a married man. What your doing with the married man is not right. Put yourself in his wifes shoes.

[specialmom]

Because there is a definate pattern in women who go from relationship to relationship.  They want to only blame someone else (he is such a jerk, he does x,y, and z) rather than look at the fact that THEY stayed, they contributed to the problems, etc.  so what happens, the pattern absolutely repeats.  Different face of the guy, but pattern of dysfunction follows you.

So, you need to sort that out and that is best done with a therapist.  good luck

[specialmom]

cont.  Why wouldn't you leave the boyfriend?  I went back and read your posts from over a year ago when things were bad then.  You were wanting to marry this man.  

Is there some reason you are afraid to be without a man?  Is it strictly financial reasons that hold you back from being without a man?  

The right thing to do here is to break it off with the long term boyfriend, cut all ties with this creep that you are doing whatever with that is married (his poor wife) and work on you

[specialmom]

Oh my goodness goodness goodness.  This is not a good idea.

You say you know what we will say and that is because your internal voice that has integrity and character is telling you the same thing.  

You provide sex to this married man and he'll give you money. Oh, I know you'll say it is more but it really probably isn't.  

and even if he were, it is very doubtful this would turn into a lasting relationship.  Relationships that start out of cheating hardly ever do.  The reason being both people keep suspecting the other of cheating because they know they are both capable of it.