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Avatar universal

VENTING

So I've been at work all day and  I just want my bf to be comforting like my stomach is hurting bc if these cramps I get I've had the worst headache since I got off work my knee is swollen bc I had surgery a few months ago but it's trying to a just to the me being on my feet with the extra weight...but all my bf keeps doing is yelling telling me to stop crying and lay down ! The most he has asked was are you good not bae are you okay or everything is going to be okey he just keeps yelling get used to it it's gonna get worse ! Ugh idk if I'm just over reacting or what but I just want him to be alittle comforting !
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973741 tn?1342342773
COMMUNITY LEADER
Hi there.  So sorry as I'm sure after a long day of work, the last thing you need is someone yelling at you.

I think you need to address this yelling.  That is not called for and just creates a sense of volatility to your home life that is unnecessary.  I would talk to him.  At a calm moment, ask him to work on his style of communicating with you because yelling just causes you to shut down emotionally.  

Even if you decide you don't want to be with this boyfriend, he's still the father of your child and you don't want him yelling at his kid all the time either.  

Yelling is a nasty habit.  he probably isn't even fully aware that he is doing it.  And people often yell when they feel bad on the inside.  It makes them feel powerful and big when they for some reason aren't feeling that naturally internally.  But it does damage to loved ones to always yell at them and make them feel like they have to walk on egg shells.  

Maybe he was mad at himself or disappointed that you have to work so hard or something.  Or maybe he's like many guys and just wants the problem go away as in 'be quiet about it' because they cant fix it and they don't want to hear complaining.  

Have you verbalized what comforts you to him?  My husband, lol, once asked me to make a list of what I considered 'nice' things he could do for me.  I made a big old list and found it a few months later with things crossed of it like 'done' or 'check' as if he only had to do it one time.  Men are thick sometimes (women too probably).  so you maybe have to be really clear about what your needs are and what would comfort you.  Don't do it when you really need it but when you two are just hanging out and having a good time.  Then he won't be defensive and he'll think "oh, she wants TLC when she gets home from work."  (and spell out what TLC means to you.)  

He may just not be that type of guy.  some people have  a hard time being super sweet and caretaking.  He maybe never had it done for him.  So, then you treat HIM that way and model it for him and he'll hopefully start to catch on.

But he HAS to stop yelling at you.  good luck
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Avatar universal
Sounds like both of your boyfriends are total jerks. I don't know why you're putting up with it. You don't have to just sit back and take it, you know. You have a right to tell him that you're done with being treated this way and that he either starts treating you more respectfully or else it's over. But you have to be ready to leave because empty threats are also no good.

Some guys are just selfish mean jerks and unfortunately that's what you've got. There are plenty of better guys out there who would be supportive and loving when you're not feeling well because they would actually care about you, unlike the current jerk who apparently doesn't care at all how sick you feel and just wants you to shut up. Your life sounds like a total nightmare and if I was in your shoes, I'd do everything I can to make arrangements to leave him as soon as possible. Because, at least for me, my happiness is more important than any guy and if I found myself with a guy who treated me so badly, especially when I was not feeling well, I would be out the door so fast, he wouldn't know what hit him.
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Avatar universal
my bf too. i feel like since ive become pregnant he treats me like crap.
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