I agree regarding getting therapy if you have not done so since the end of the abusive relationship. You need to understand what made you willing to get into an abusive relationship in the first place (many women would be outta there at the first hint), and what made you stay so long. Then you need to unravel the damage done by the guy with whom you stayed so long. I'd also be working with the therapist about why you were willing to go for a "friends with benefits" relationship at all, those are pretty much about a guy getting laid and a woman getting little emotional connection. All of that needs to be figured out before you commit to a relationship -- sex is not that important (you can use a "toy" if you are horny), and you're not really ready for love. Don't go in for sex with some guy, who might just use you, or even be a decent guy and get his heart broken.
The other problem is, you and this new guy got together when you had been away from the bad relationship a while (good) but, unless you had had therapy, were still damaged (bad). One reason it is bad is that he might be reacting to you because of your lack of interest was intriguing or challenging. If you had been perfectly emotionally available, would he have been interested? (In other words, is he a guy with a rescue fantasy? A friend of mine dated one with that m.o. after her father died, and he was great -- wonderful and sympathetic. Then when she got happier, he lost interest. He liked 'em sad and vulnerable.) Or does he like 'em hard to get? (...and when you are ready to commit, he will get bored that he no longer has the thrill of the chase).
From what you wrote, your emotional status quo at present is not you in a perfect state. It's more important that you get well from your four years of abuse than it even is that you have a boyfriend now. Please do seek some counseling.
Ditto Londres70
These are YOUR issues. This is about You, not about Him. You are holding Him 'responsible' for the behaviors of Your ex. I too think personal therapy would benefit You.
and I totally agree that "friends with benefits" can only complicate a (any) relationship.
Have you ever sought therapy for your issues? If not, I am afraid you are going to carry this into other relationships if this isn't resolved properly, i.e. with the help of a professional therapist.
I can't comment on whether this man is decent or not, however, at this point sounds like he hasn't done anything to cause concern.
Does this current bf know about your abusive past?
Perhaps you could just be strictly friends WITHOUT benefits until you sort "you" out? I wouldn't complicate things with the "friends with benefits" senario.