exes...

[penswriter]

i have a dliema. My hubby HATES my exes. granted i do to. except for 1. this 1 has been my friend for almost 6 years. yeah we lost touch for about 2 years but we've recently found each other again. we only dated for maybe 6 months out of the 6 years we've known each other. we both realized us together like that was just not working. i was in love with hubby (who was a friend at the time) and he was in love in another woman (who actually passed away last month).

my dilema is hubby hates him. and no he doesn't know we're talking. there is NOTHING sexual between us. we just....really like talking to each other. we feel comfortable talking and can talk about anything. i've really missed this friend. i don't have many and he was one of those lifetime friends that i don't want to loose.

should i stay friends with him and tell hubby to suck it up? or just ditch him? (which he can't complain about exes since he has all his on myspace and facebook and i haven't said a word. they don't bother me b/c i KNOW he loves me and isn't going to leave me.)

[specialmom]

Honestly,  I'd stick with your husband.  You can talk to him but why cause a marital problem?  That is just my opinoin.  And those we dated . . .  there is often some subtext underlying things.  How could there not be when you've had sex with someone?  I think if you are uncomfortable with his relationships and he is uncomfortable with yours-------  that is a not a great thing for a relationship.  And no man wants to hear that I can talk to HIM better than anyone (IE:  YOU).  That is just my opinoin on it--------------  you may get some opposite than mine which is okay.  You ultimately have to do in your heart what you think is best for your marriage.  good luck!

[mami1323]

I agree with specialmom (as always) that I would stick with your husband.  He's the one you took vows with, he's the one who should be your bestfriend and he's the one who really matters.  So even though you like talking to your ex, if it's going to cause friction in your home life, better to leave it alone.  Just wanted to say I totally understand where you are coming from.  I was with my ex for 2 1/2 years and when we broke up and I started dating my fiance, we stayed friends and he actually helped me through some tough times.  However, Richie did not approve of our friendship and so I had to let my ex go.  I wouldn't of ever cheat on Richie with my ex, and I certainly wasn't attracted to my ex in that way anymore, he was there out of comfort.  But I respected my relationship and if me and my fiance were to ever part then that's a different story.  If you don't mind his ex's being on his myspace and FaceBook then he's never thought that it was a problem for you but he did express his dislike for you to talk with your ex.  Even if it is a double standard in your eyes, he communicated how he feels to you.  If you don't want his ex's on his pages then tell him you want them off.

[penswriter]

thanks guys.

as always, you're right. it's gonna suck letting my friend go but...my husband is my husband. the man i love, the father of my children...the person i'm spending the rest of my life with.

thanks for the kick in the rear! : o)

[teko]

yeah, I agree with the others, nothing good will come out of hanging on to him but quite possibly alot of bad. Its just not worth the rift it will cause between you and your hubby.

[penswriter]

see the thing is we don't hang out. just chat on aim occasionally. he's busy with work, buying a house and blah blah blah while i'm busy with mine and hubby's kids, taking care of the house and my writing. so we get a few minutes here and there. so it's not like we meet up for coffee or lunch.

but i still see your point. i don't want to cause issues with the hubby man.

[mami1323]

Yeah, in your eyes totally innocent, which it is but if your husband gets wind of it and he already dislikes him the sh!t will hit the fan and it will become more than what it really is.  Plus, it will cause major distrust with your hubby, he may not think it's so innocent and then you will have to sit there and defend yourself.  Not a pretty picture and totally not worth the few AIM messages.  If you can't tell your hubby about it then you know you are doing something you shouldn't be.  It was hard for me to give up my exes because I was friends with most of them.  We had gotten past the hurt caused and were able to see eachother as just friends.  I was like that with them all.  But once my fiance came into the picture I had to think, do I really want him to have his ex girlfriend's as his friends?  Heck no!!!!  So I had to do the same.

[penswriter]

i wouldn't mind him being friends with his exes...normally. except the two he was serious with are nuts. one pressed false charges against him (which since she was a minor at the time she only got a fine for filing a false police report.) accusing him of beating her. which he'd never hit a woman. the other one....she stalked him, then stalked us. she still messages him telling him how much she loves him, how he should leave me (and HIS children) to marry her and raise her children (she's 21 with 2 kids to two different men). so if he had normal exes....sane ones, i really wouldn't mind.

[mami1323]

Where do these guys find their women?  I mean geesh.  My fiance has some psychotic exes to.

[Ashelen]

so does mine....my husband's ex came to him and told him she was pregnant (which was true) and then about 2 weeks later said she was having a miscarriage...turns out she went and had an abortion and lied about it. she admitted it at the same time she admitted she had slept with his best friend...as they were getting on the plane to head to the place they were going to get married. CRA-ZY. She was also a model and a tv commercial actress so I think she was a little unbalanced from the get-go.

You could always have your friend approach your husband and say "I was considering contacting your wife again, but I wanted to make sure that you and I were on the same page and you were comfortable with it." that way you can maybe still be friends with him, but your husband will feel like the friend is respectful of his position as your husband...i don't know, that's how I might go about it. Obviously you should have told him when you first started talking again...but since that chicken's already flown the coop and it's too late to go back, if you want to keep this friendship the best way might be through your husband via the ex. Just a thought, but I would stick with hubby too.

[penswriter]

we've only talked twice. just a hi and how are ya. so we aren't really talking. i haven't talked to him in 2 days so i think i'll just let it go.