Pregnant, Frustrated w/ Husband

[arlandonbloom]

I am 22 weeks pregnant, of course this should be a very happy time for me and my family. I am just overly stressed and frustrated with the way my mom and husband are acting. When my mom found out I was pregnant, she was so mad for numerous reasons, the main one being that both my husband and I are both young and haven't been married that long and my husband hasn't talked to her since (it's been about a month). But before that, everything was fine with them. He doesn't even go visit my parents with me anymore, and when he does, my mom tries to talk to him but he completely ignores her and that is so rude. I told him that whether he likes it or not, he is stuck with both her and I now for the rest of his life because we now have a child in the picture. I asked if he would just help make life a little less frustrating and just deal with my mom and not make it so uncomfortable when we are over there. He got mad at me telling me that he shouldn't need to kiss my mom's a$$ and that frustrates me because no matter how she acts, she is my mom and he's going to have to deal with that. I was raised to always respect people's families no matter what and this is just really bothering me. I have told him numerous times that it bothers me and he has just gotten more cocky about it, and last night we got into a fight about it and he barely talked to me today and when he did, he had an attitude. I don't know what to do anymore, I am afraid that our relationship is going down the drain.

[VICourageous]

I agree with the above. I think he was hurt by his parents divorce for sure but hurt deeply again when your mom was upset about your pregnancy. He is young so I do believe she can break down them walls with kindness. Maybe sit and have a 3 way conversation or if and when she comes over and he is there, just leave so they can be alone to talk. I am no young chic and believe me life can go by really fast..So I sure do pray you can work this out before it is to late. I wish you the best that Life can offer.
Bless

[arlandonbloom]

That is what I am thinking is the problem. Because yeah, I mean of course my mom at first was kind of rude to him because that may be because "no one is ever good enough for their baby girl" but still. Then their relationship got better, they started hanging out and everything was great but it all changed after I told my parents I was pregnant. So I don't know if her reaction scared him away and made him mad (which could be) or if he is jealous that he is seeing how my mom is now treating me. Yesterday he really upset me because my high school has this huge football rivalry and our cable was out at our house so I asked him if he wanted to go to my parent's house to watch it and he immediately just said "NO" which surprised me because he originally wanted to watch the game.

[RockRose]

arlandombloom,  I think you were probably right when you said his mother rejected him and he's jealous you have a mother.

[specialmom]

Jumping in here.  One thing that I picked out from nighhawk's post is something I really agree with.  I mean, who can deny someone that is really kind to us.  Like go out of their way kind to us.  Maybe she can hand write a letter to him saying that he is now her son.  She wants to get along with him. She's sorry that she's created friction because ultimately, now you all are family. That she wants YOU (her daughter) to be happy and he makes her happy so she is wanting to do what she can to repair the relationship.      and then include something nice.  A gift of some sort.  maybe a gift card in an amount like 20 dollars to somewhere he likes or just 'something' that he will feel is a nice gesture.  Then you say to him how you feel again---  that you want to feel like one family.  That you love him and you love your mom and you want everyone to get along as best as possible.  Would he please give her a chance?

One thing is this . . .  if your mom was disappointed about the baby coming so soon after meeting and how young you are-----  is she willing to put that all aside and be loving and kind to him??  I guess you should talk to your mom about this first.  

If he is rude to her after that-----------  then he is being stubborn.  And I'm afraid that doesn't compliment him.  and I worry for you being married to someone so stubborn.  ??  

[Nighthawk61]

Maybe it's because she's not apologizing?

[arlandonbloom]

He just will not be around my mom at all. He refuses to come over when I do, and he just ignores her when she talks to her.

[Nighthawk61]

Well, it appears your hubby must be damaged from his own family situation. Maybe your mom can reach out to him? She got angry because you were pregnant with his child, and that hurt him an put him on the defensive. It seems that as close as you are with your healthy family unit, that you might reach out to him (he is young and under a lot of stress). Your mom could make a point of going to visit him alone, and making an apology, that she understands how he must have felt. That there was not a lot of thought behind her getting angry, it was a knee jerk reaction, and it was thoughtless. Had she thought about it, I'm sure she wouldn't have rained on your parade. Lots of gramas and grampas are a little crusty at the thought of a young marriage moving so quickly, but it just isn't the best thing to do to get mad when informed up a new baby. If mohammed won't come to the mountain, I say, let the mountain go to mohammed. You know? Your husband has been abandoned by his mother, i'm sure he thought the verbal assault was more of the same, and in his young mind he was already overwhelmed with the news of the baby, especially after his own wretched family life. I say embrace this young man. Don't let it go on and fester. It could have been handled better, I'd at least give him that. He probably thought he was in heaven having a relationship with your mom, moreso than either of you know. (I know, i came from dysfunction). and it broke him up when she raged against the product of your union. Something to think about anyway. He's young, and he has no family. He's sensitive, but he's trying. A soft hand on his shoulder, a loving gesture, an apology, might go a long way. Peace

[arlandonbloom]

Thank you, I have always been mentally mature for my age. As for him being close with his family, his parents are divorced. His mom pretty much chose another man over her family and I am thinking that this is why he is so against my mom... Because he feels like his mom abandoned him and his family, so why should I have a mom too? But who knows?

[specialmom]

Hi there.  Wow, you are a smart cookie!  You are much more mature than your years and I really admire you for understanding this situation's bigger picture.

Obviously your husband isn't handling this very well.  I would make it clear right now that you love him but love your mom as well.  And that part of loving you is getting along with your family.  That you see both sides to the issue and that it really isn't worth a rift in the family.  

If he is unwilling to act civilly, as I totally agree that it is obnoxiously rude to just ignore her when she speaks to him, then I'd not bring him along.  Tell him that you are not willing to cut your mom out of your life and hope they can mend it.  But you will always have a relationship with her as will your kid.

I agree that your husband is acting really odd and digging I.  I don't think he understands family unity, loyalty, and peace.  Is he close to his own parents?  He really is being defensive about it rather than looking at it from your point of view.  I hope he doesn't do that about other things.

so, make some plans with your mom.  Let him know you are going and let him know that if he can't be polite, that he isn't going.  

I don't absolutely love my in laws.  But I respect that they are/were my husbands parents and siblings.  That he loves them.  And I am old enough to know that unless they are doing something evil to me, you learn to get along with people.  That everyone can be annoying from time to time (including me).  You just accept family unless they are harming you.  And in my years as I get older, I can relate more and more to what his mother/father are like.  ya know?  Sure glad that in my youth, I didn't make a decision about them and decide I didn't want anything to do with them.  Not worth it.

Anyway, it is hard.  Let it cool down.  Still be with your mom when you want without him.  And in a way to try not to make him defensive, talk about how much your family means to you.  All of them----  him, your mom, and everyone.  peace