anyone have success story for spouse's porn addiction?

[jazzyben]

Does anyone have any success stories regarding porn/ masturbation issues with their spouse?? I am ready to bail and i really could use some positive words. I love him and I know he wants to stop but gets frustrated and caves. I am getting so tired of it all tho. I told him last night that I wanted to postpone our wedding and he was very upset- I'm not sure what will happen from here.

[Kim2009314]

I will probably take my own life over the internet porn my partner watches. Lies, scenes, deceit are pulling my world apart and if women are lower than animals in the pecking order then I'd rather die.

Thing is I do get asked out even though this porn issue makes me feel hideous, utterly unattractive..  Too afraid to let anyone touch me now so death seems like a warm and comforting release. The last six months have been the worst of my life after finding all the porn links, shelled files non accessible extensions. I can't talk about it to anyone and can't stop crying. Mentally I am so tired of it and I wish he'd go away now. Something very bad is going to happen over this sickening abuse of women - both myself and the porn victims.

We are living in the dark ages with porn - essentialist discourse justifies this abuse in the 21st century and so many women suffer one way or another.  

I just hope I don't kill him before I kill myself.

[woodhaven]

I will be married 14 years this mnth to my husband who I found out this past year had a huge problem with porn.  I new he like looking at the pictures and watching that garbage on line but to an extent.  After a while I had a feeling something was going on, coming to bed late...ALWAYS on the damn laptop!!!  Anyway, I searched and searched, found stuff that shocked and broke my heart.  Needless to say, laptop in pieces OK.  Without God in my life, lots more would've been broken!  I called him at work told him I was out and took a shower, when I got out, he was standing there!  I have 3 children and mind you we were at the happiest time of our lives, I thought.  (he is military too by the way, will retire in a yr; 39 yrs old) This man was on his knees, crying, begging me not to go.  Blah Blah Blah.  I finally listened...heated! Long story short, He is a saved man and has changed.  We have gotten out marriage blessed and renewed our vows and he has been very loving. Trust and images are a big issue with me as also forgiveness. It is really hard to feel the forgiveness rather than just say it.  It will take time and this has happened 6 mnths ago. We have friends that have helped us and he has hung his head low with shame and went to a pastor. What I am trying to say is, Yes I caught him and I dont know if it wouldve stopped, but it did.  My husband loves me and he didnt truly know what he had until he almost lost it.  Now, I bought another computer for the home, the kids.  I have the password to get in and his email password.  Thats the way it has to be right now.  Not every man will change, but there is hope.  If the love is truly there and you have God in your life, nothing is impossible.  Some may not believe that but I do and I am still believing that.  He shows me everyday, but like I said, trust will be an issue for a while and my husband knows that.  He knows he f*****up and that this is all his fault but it will all work out for good.  Maybe it will make us stronger as a couple or maybe we will be able to help someone else get through a similar issue, I dont know, I do know that there are days that I hurt.  I know I never said what he really did, but it was an online affair, cyber sex maybe, whatever it was it was sick, but its over and we move on from here. (I guess I just needed to vent)...thanks!

[SeriousSam]

Sorry I was just going from your post where you said.   "My view of myself has changed too. I am not ugly, though I now feel very ugly, and undesirable. I DON'T like sex much. I think it is BORING, because I am one of the unfortunate women in this world who does not have orgasms during intercourse (I don't lie there like a dead fish either...I try to MAKE him think I am enjoying it and I actively participate...I do not fake orgasm though, because that would only be a lie and an insult and I don't play that way). The only way I can achieve orgasm (with a partner) is through oral sex...which I RARELY get because once he gets his, he just rolls over and falls asleep...leaving me to take care of myself. Now, even though I DON'T LIKE sex, I have never deprived my husband of sex...in fact, if I ever want sex (I do crave the feeling of being close with my husband and I do want to make him feel good), I have to initiate it...which was getting pretty boring anyway. He never initiates, which, compounded by him looking at internet porn, just makes me feel even uglier and more undesirable. I feel like he is lying to me, and I am deeply insulted and hurt and even lonely. I keep wondering what is wrong with me that he would rather look at these strangers nude online than be with me. I have even gone so far as to just walk around the house naked to see if I could get ANY reaction from him and he just sits and stares at his computer. What kind of man would rather look at pictures online than take advantage of the naked woman in the room with him? And believe me, he is LUCKY to have me. "

It just sounded like you didn't like it, don't respect him much and really arenn't sur you like yourself much.

[AnimlNitr8]

I don't fake orgasm. I don't fake sexual enjoyment. I participate in sex with my husband with the intent of making it enjoyable for him, rather than just lay there like I am feeling absolutely NOTHING physically (which is exactly what I feel physically...NOTHING). Yes, I did date before, and yes, I was sexually active before...in fact, I would go so far as to say that I think I am more sexually experienced than my husband is. He is very "vanilla" and not quite so adventurous when it comes to sex. I was with one of my previous boyfriends for nearly 7 years, with a very active sex life, and felt a little more than NOTHING during sex, but not much more. I didn't marry my husband because of his "prowess," but also I didn't marry him thinking that he was going to hurt me in this way either. And yes, it does hurt. I don't care how many of you say that it has nothing to do with the wife/girlfriend, it does have everything to do with them if it is something that bothers them. If I was doing something that hurt my husband like this, I would be sure to stop doing it! I talked to him about it the other day...CRIED to him about it...bared my soul to him about it...and yet, he is still doing it as if what I said to him didn't mean a damn thing at all. THAT is what hurts the most. I feel like my feelings don't mean a damn thing to him. It feels like he made his choice to continue looking at other women online rather than to honor my wishes and have concern for my feelings. I don't control him at all. I have no problem with him going out and having fun with friends without me or anything like that. It's just this one thing that bothers me so much...and I feel like he doesn't even care. I can't understand why he seems to NEED to look at other women online...and I can't understand why he would choose that over me. Feeling like he has such disregard for my feelings makes me feel differently about him and makes me feel like I can't trust him. His habits are damaging our relationship and I don't know if he even cares. It's also damaging my health, because I can tell you right now that my blood pressure at the moment is through the "effing" roof!

[SeriousSam]

Give it a rest your getting paranoid and controlling.  I have a friend who is a dj and occasionally has don gigs for strip shows male or female.

And I've gone with lady friends to male strip shows and they've gone to female shows with me and then we've gone home together.  Big hairy deal.

If this is your biggest complaint, get a life.  I notice you don't say that you enjoy sex but you have to orgasm in some other manner.  You say that you PRETEND to enjoy it!

I am sure you are drop dead gorgeous etc.  But if you either read romances or pretend to enjoy sex can you blame a man for fanasizing about somenone who doesn't have to pretend?

Just do counseling.  You don't have to become the crazy cat lady, but do try to be a bit more realistic?

PS.  Did you date much or were you ever very sexually active before this?  You may want to look up the DEERS exercises.

[AnimlNitr8]

update...i deleted his collection of pictures on his computer and trashed his online bookmarks. he hasn't said a word about it. but he is still going online to look at porn...he isn't smart enough to delete his history, i guess. i have a hard time feeling anything but disgust. i'm not even interested in having sex with him anymore. i can't get into it at all. i feel like absolute sh*t that he can sit here and look at pictures of other women without their clothes on, while i am sitting in the room with him. it makes me feel like i am not good enough and makes me feel like i will never be loved the way i deserve to be loved. i can't believe i wasted all that money on our wedding...yeah, i paid for it. i should have just become the crazy cat lady instead...