Dating someone from the (recent) past?

[EveKendall]

What do you all think of dating someone from your past?  

Last year  I dated a guy for about 6 months. He refused to be monogamous when I broached the subject back when we started having sex, and I continued to see him while dating other men. (When I told him I was seeing other men, he freaked out and said something like "women will always screw you over." So apparently what is good for the goose isn't any good for the gander!)

I finally got sick of "sharing" this guy with other women (there was one woman I knew about definitively and  he said he was open to meeting other women as well!). I broke it off last July after 5-6 months and never made contact with him again.  

He called me about a week ago to say he saw my car parked in his neighborhood and he was wondering how I was doing. We had a great conversation on the phone, one thing about this guy is he's very  intellectual (which I like), and we have the same sense of humor. So we had a nice talk for about an hour on the phone and he casually threw out that maybe we could see a movie together sometime. I said that was a possibility, and that is how we left it. He hasn't called since, and I haven't called him either. No emails, no contact at all.

I don't know why I took this guy's call, except that I'm not seeing anybody at the moment.

So what do we think? Bad idea to get together? I will add that I have no intention of contacting him but if he calls me, I don't know what I should do. I think it would be difficult to be "friends" with someone I'm attracted to, or at least once was attracted to in the past.

I'm seeing huge red flags popping up on this. But it may not be anything I need to worry about - maybe he won't call again! :o)

[Palaima]

hhm depends what do you want from him? If casual relationship then he is the guy, if you want to build a future together-forget it. he didn't offer you to start everything from beggining and be exclusive. So if you can separate fun part from your emotions go for it. if not, then better not to see him.

[teko]

I have not seen to many do overs work out. If your on good terms now it might be a good idea to keep it on the friends with no benefits list. Otherwise you may find yourself right back in the middle of the mess you walked out of before.  You can do better.

[Judy246]

Mami, I do agree with you that some people do change. Eve, you are single and if you want to take a change this is your decision, but as most of us agree, proceed with caution and protect your heart and emotions.

[mami1323]

I don't think a friendly dinner would be a problem, as long as you are aware of how he is, or how he may be.  Some people do change and he may have grown up a little while you were apart.  But I would be cautious, but just use your head on this.

[Judy246]

There is a reason why he is considered the "past" and you should proceed with caution. You are single and not in any type of committed relationship and he showed you his true colors in the past. If you feel there is a "red flag" here, you have to listen to it and do what is right for you, but proceed with caution and keep your heart and emotions in check!

[sk123]

Do you still have feelings for him? It sounds like you do from your description, or at least you're still attracted to him. I think it's fine to see your ex and hang out in a friendly manner if you are indifferent to him. Indifferent meaning you don't care who he dates or doesn't date, indifferent about whether or not he calls. If you still have feelings for him, I think it would be best to leave it alone and not hang out with him. He doesn't seem like the kind of guy you want to be with in the long run.

[imanaddict]

If you guys had dated and ended things for reasons other than him not wanting a commitment and seeing other women, then I would say go for it. Since you are still attracted to him, you may find yourself caught back up in his web and IMO you'd  only be setting yourself up for more heartbreak. I applaud you for seeing that relationship for what it was and having enough dignity to not let him continue to hurt you by ending it. If it were me, I'd steer clear of this guy!

[EveKendall]

Good point about the guy not changing. Not enough time has lapsed. If it had been 5 years I could perhaps go into it with a little different mindset (although you still never know) but I should assume with this guy that NOTHING HAS CHANGED.

Exploring a dinner or a movie I think I can handle. I will absolutely not be contacting him. I don't have any urges to call him or contact him, and for me that means I must have "moved on" to some extent. (I recalled being disgusted with some of the song and dance he gave me at the end of our "relationship" about wanting to date other women.)

I'll just deal with it if he calls again.  

[specialmom]

Good question.  I think as you seem to have your head on straight and know the background of this guy, you could get together with him.  As long as you realize that he may be that same guy he was before and that won't hurt your feelings, then I think it will be fine.  I wouldn't sleep with him right away------  often the player types are with a woman, she likes him and wants a commitment, he won't give it so they break up.  Then . . .  they start getting back together for "hook ups" that he thinks is fine and she is trying to see if he has changed.  I wouldn't fall into that trap-----  but going to a movie or dinner and checking out the situation seems safe.  

I think you are smart to not call him again but if he calls you and you feel emotionally strong enough to read him for what he is--------  then go to dinner or the movies and have fun.  Good luck.