feel so guilty after almost cheating

[guilty89]

about a week ago I almost cheated on my girlfriend of 18 months ,  I was out on the drink with my friend for the 1st time in over a year( I never drink) and ended up at a house party. at that house party I tried it on with a girl who I find completelty unatrracitive and never will , I was being sleazy and saying dirty things , she rejected me  and straight after that I was so happy she did and I instantly regretted it, I love my girlfriend so much she is best thing to ever happen to me she is my 1st love and hopefully my last as I would like to be with here forever , this happened before when we 1st started going out but I only gave my number to another girl instantly regretted it and told me grlfriens strightaway about it and she forgave me , now  find myself overwhelmed with guilt , I cannot stop thinking about what I have done , I wake up its the 1st thing on my mind and stays there until I go to sleep , I don't know what to do its taking over everything I think about , I am so scared of telling her thinking that she will not forgive me yet I want to tell her as we are completely honest to each other about everything she is best friend  , I don't live with her  but spend every weekend with her (apart from the last one) and I going to see her tomorrow and don't know what ot do?? how long will this intense guilty feeling last  , how can i get over it without telling her because thte last thing i want to do is hurt her , please help me its taking over my life

[nursegirl6572]

I agree that it sounds like you have some issues with anxiety.  I would address that with a professional.  

Good luck!!

[Londres70]

Sounds like you are your own worst enemy as there wasn't really any need to tell your gf anything.  You created drama out of something that really was nothing.  

Secondly, you can't keep your stories straight.  

Thirdly, alcohol does impair judgement and all, but you need to really figure out why you needed to try to hook up with another girl and then blame it on the alcohol.   If the relationship between you and your gf is so great then why would you do this?  You need to figure that out before you have a repeat.

[TTinKKerBBell]

and drinking reduces inhibitions and impairs judgement.....

[Chima7]

I get the anxiety angle because I've struggled with that in the past myself but I was able to overcome it largely on my own just by making the conscious decision to not dwell on things that were causing me to be anxious. It seems like in your case you are ruminating too much about things after the fact and not working harder in the moment to make better decisions that will ultimately not lead you down the path to that anxious place. So my suggestion to you is that you work toward being more present and engaged in the moment so that you are clearly and consciously making better choices. Like not drinking, for example. That's a big one because it only makes anxiety problems much worse. If you get a handle on the drinking you'll be much better equipped to handle situations in the right way so you can avoid this kind of panic stricken anxiety later.

[Life360_Dave]

I not trying to badger you but not going out and when you go out would only be with your girlfriend to help avoiding cheating. I think accepting how you really feel would help you deal with this. Just because your attracted to other women dosent mean you dont love your g/f. Its like your trying to not admit to yourselve that you are attracted. You might consider dating again to compare your girl to others as it appears you still are not ready to settle down.

[TTinKKerBBell]

Don't drink anymore.
Address the anxiety.
GoodLuck

[guilty89]

sorry i miswrote as i just said above

[guilty89]

I understand why I made the decision it was due to being far to drunk and in a situation im not used to  , I now know that I must avoid these stuations and the way to do this is by not going to house partys and to not drink unless I am with my girlfriend  , and now im going to use this guilty feeling to serve as a constant reminder to never ever doing anything like that again ,i still feel really bad about it but i think i made a step in the right direction , i think i will feel better once i spend some time with my gf ,

[Life360_Dave]

You also say tecnically you didnt cheat but being rejected from wanting to cheat is the same as having cheated. You seem to rationalize things you do and also as chima refers, telling your girl you rejected her is worse than lieing as is decieving her of the love she thinks you have. She now thinks you love her even more by rejecting advances on you. Very confusing.

[specialmom]

The you write to me indicates you have some anxiety.  I would see a therapist to discuss ways to overcome this.  I agree with the earlier posts that said to not tell your girlfriend.  You seem to be taking this over the top on your own volition.  I would consider that it is all part of some type of anxiety issue you have and would seek professional help.  good luck

[guilty89]

sorry I miswrote I said I tried it on with a girl

[Chima7]

Interesting. Because that's not what you told us. You specifically said, and I quote,

"at that house party I tried it on with a girl..."

Then, to your girlfriend, you said, and I quote,

"I just said I was rekd at a house party and a girl tried it on with me..."

You were so adamant about telling her "the truth" and now you went and told her a lie. The actual real truth wasn't even a big deal, and it didn't even need to be said. But instead of letting it be like I told you, instead you went and lied to her. That's even worse than keeping it from her! Looks like you stepped in it this time. What are you going to do now?

[Life360_Dave]

You mentioned stupid decisions, why did you make these decisions? Unless a person understands why they do something it tends to get repeated.

[guilty89]

I have never been diagnosed with anxiety , but I used to get it when I was trying to sleep , I do feel anxious a lot what can  do to reduce this?

[specialmom]

I'm curious if you've ever been diagnosed with anxiety.  

[guilty89]

well I told her most of the situation , I just said I was rekd at a house party and a girl tried it on with me and nothing happended , she was just upset that I hadn't told her about it sooner which I understand which is the main reason I have felt bad as we tell each other everything , I am going to be back intouch with her later , but I feel better now that I told her and the reasons I felt upset about it because shes my best friend, I understand she is not going to trust me for a while but I am going to show her how much I love her and this was a HUGE wake up call on how stupid decisions can haunt you the longer you let them, I finally feel better for telling her but still feel really bad for not doing it sooner , I am going through tomorrow and sunday and I will let you know how I get on

[Life360_Dave]

Hi, just put this behind you and move on but i must say you do have a tendancy to do this. This last one you can blame it on the drinking but drinking  relaxes a person and tends to bring out some true feelings. Are you sure you love her as much as you say or do you want her and also a bit of fooling around. I know in my own love experience that when my love was strong it never crossed my mind to temp at cheating.

[Chima7]

I don't think you should tell her anything so I can't help you there. I think you're seriously obsessing over something that doesn't need to be. You didn't do anything!! You talked to the girl, that's it! And, if you are going to turn all mental over it and not insist on telling her something that doesn't matter then there nothing anyone can say or do to help you. You have to be the one who stops yourself from creating a mountain out of what's not even an ant hill at this point. I don't know what else to tell you. You must chill.

[guilty89]

some body please help me  , its killing me

[guilty89]

i know technically I didn't cheat but I feel like I have emotionly , its killing me I woke up today and its all I have thought about and its taking over my life my heads in overdrive I just cant knock it off ,I think I want forgiveness I cant forigive myself so I am just going o have to tell her, I am going to see her later and im going to tell her  just don't what to say , I need to tell her I cant keep secrets from her shes my best friend and love of my life  , im just so scared of what could happen , what do you think I should say

[Chima7]

So, all that happened was that you chatted up a girl at a party and now you're beating yourself up over it? Well, it appears that you've learned your lesson and that you're not likely to do it again so, you need to just let it go. I'm speaking from the experience of having been cheated on by several of my ex's, and I don't see this as a big deal. I think you're creating more drama in your head than what actually needs to be there. You were just talking to her, you didn't even kiss her so, I think you're going to just have to chalk it up to stupidity and let it go at that. I don't think you need to tell your gf anything because nothing actually happened. That's my take on it.