My ex is having a baby

[Kendall27]

I'm currently in a relationship right now and we're doing great and getting stronger each and everyday. He makes me feel like the luckiest girl on earth always and i'm the best with him and i never been so happy like this since I met my current relationship. We're almost together for one year now but yesterday I found out from a friend that my ex boyfriend is having a baby with someone. It's been already 4 years since we broke up last 2012 but I'm still shock and still in disbelief. And when my friend told me about that my heart can't stop from beating faster and just can't control it. I'm just a little bit confused to myself cos I'm already happy in love with someone but I was not expecting that my reaction to the breaking news was this. And I cried yesterday driving to work thinking that your ex lover already have a baby. And I feel guilty to my new boyfriend and think to myself that it was like I am cheating to him cos I still feel this way to my ex that seems like I still care or what. I just wanna know whats wrong with me. My reaction to the news. And my feeling to mu ex and to my new relationship. I'm just so confused. Thanks.

[AnnieBrooke]

In law school they warned us that there is something called "the emotional moment of divorce" that can happen months or even years after the actual divorce.  It often comes as a result of the ex having a big life event, such as, the ex gets married, the ex has a child, the ex reaches a big educational goal).  It has to do with having always thought YOU would be the one to be enjoying these milestones with the ex.  Somehow we aren't prepared, even when we were the ones to end the relationship.  It can have to do with competitiveness, or just the feeling of loss, or feeling not so special.  Try to understand it as normal, and don't let it worry you that it means something about your relationship with the person you are with now.  If anything, you going through this is your last letting go, and that is a good thing.

[Kendall27]

Thanks so much.

[Nighthawk61]

I agree wholehearted with both ladies. I think it's 100% natural, and in no way is having these natural feelings disrespectful of the relationship you're in right now. btw, Congratulations on being in such a good relationship. Be grateful that you are enjoying a loving relationship while finding out this news. It's all relative. You could be single having these feelings, but instead you are moving along in your life with someone that you adore and who i'm sure adores you. Just be happy that your ex is being blessed with a child and send out good vibes into the universe and they will come back to you.

[Kendall27]

Thank you!

[Kendall27]

Thank you!

[specialmom]

Hi there sweetie.  Well, I think, sincerely, it is perfectly normal to have some mixed emotions regarding an ex and I do NOT think that means you ultimately still want to be with them.  When we have a history with someone, we can be melancholy over them in years to come once we break up.  That's all this is.  You'll move past this and continue to grow with your current boyfriend or someone else---  

Don't feel guilt over having emotions.  You aren't made of wood.  It doesn't mean you want your ex.  It just means you cared for him at one time and this is weird to you that he has this new life.  Don't give it power over you.  good luck

[Kendall27]

Thanks so much. It helped me a lot not to worry about my feelings towards my ex and to know that it is just normal is a relief for me.