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grown daughter and father in same bed
Im visiting my 71 year old father that I just met for the first time in 49 years,Im 50 years old and I looked and found my biological father after all these years.When I got to his house and it was bed time he said he wanted me to be close to him,because he wasnt able to hold me in his arms as a child.well Im totally not on his page,and I feel so uncomfortable about the situation.Am I wrong for the way I feel? Is he wrong for wanting me in the same bed with him?I Love him as my father,but not enough to sleep in the same bed with him.HE says theres nothing wrong wit a father wanting to love his child.What is getting to know me as his daughter have to do with us getting to know one another? I need some kind of feed back.PLEASE
Im safe n mexico,ny now.I thank GOD for that.I feel 200% better n my heart,mind,life and soul.Just wanted u all to know that I will keep n touch on how im doing and if i have any other problems.May God Bless each and every one of u.U all r a big part of my family.It does not matter if u break things down to me,and I feel hurt,atleast u would care enough to tell me ur oppenion out of caring and love.
I dont nor do i get into that incest crap.My dad is wrong and there is no good in that.Ive had 2 rape episodes n my life,and old fashion or not,ITS UNEXCEPTABLE........Im now out of that situation,so im good.Some people may think its ok,and u have alot of people say and think its down right nasty.I know how I feel,what I had to deal with,and see the person the dad I thought I was missing all these years.I didnt miss a thing.
I would NEVER allow my boys to sleep wit me,and they wouldnt do that such thing.Im safe n mexico,ny now. Thanks for the help.My mission is over.
god bless you hun..prayers and thoughts are with you for all aspects of things your dealing with in your life right now,.keep posting and keep strong x
Your story is very sad, and I honestly feel for you.
I was adopted at birth, and I've often flirted with the idea of finding out who my birth parents are.... just for a sense of self. Thinking of that had me wondering, "what kind of people are/were they?". I personally have no expectations of my birth parents, if I had the opportunity to meet them.
I guess we just don't know what we are getting into, until we make that leap. I think you were a very brave person for giving it a shot. You've done that, and unfortunately it didn't work out.
You seem very strong... Im sorry it all panned out like this, but I have every faith that you will move forward from this point and at least you've had some questions answered, just not the way you had hoped.
I was adopted at birth, and I've often flirted with the idea of finding out who my birth parents are.... just for a sense of self. Thinking of that had me wondering, "what kind of people are/were they?". I personally have no expectations of my birth parents, if I had the opportunity to meet them.
I guess we just don't know what we are getting into, until we make that leap. I think you were a very brave person for giving it a shot. You've done that, and unfortunately it didn't work out.
You seem very strong... Im sorry it all panned out like this, but I have every faith that you will move forward from this point and at least you've had some questions answered, just not the way you had hoped.
THANK U ALL very much.,I am very greatfull for positive out looks on my situation.now we all have to deal with this weather crap.Im truly stuck right now,bcause i want to leave and the weather turns for the bad.Oh well,i have waited this long,im sure i can stand a couple days after the storm.GOD BLESS
hey minnie..all i can say is i wish you all the best..i think you already knew the answer to your question before you posted..,and i wish u all the best dealing with your situation..good luck hun
Agree with you. Compromise would be my suggestion. "Dad, I am accustomed to sleeping alone. I hear you need and desire to be close to me but I am not comfortable with your suggestion." THEN, "Invite" him to sit next to you on the couch (if you are comfortable with this action) and reach out and hold his hand, pat him on the shoulder...maybe put your head on his shoulder. He is elderly and vulnerable. Most likely needy. His feelings are important but NOT at the expense of your own!! Stay in touch with us. We support you in all of your decisions.
You've already had good advice and opinion so I'll just add my vote to the group of Ladies You've already heard from. This seems odd to me as well. The only one here who doesn't have the same feel we Women have is Life360 and my guess is He has probably had a life long relationship with His Mother and that may be why He feels differently.
You are an insightful, smart woman, with a big heart. You sought after a relationship with your father, and certainly, the reality fell way short of your expectations, and I'm so sorry for that, it sure is a big disappointment.
I agree that most likely, this is giving you a clear picture of different ways as to why your life was probably better IN SPITE of your father...and better without him in it.
You can at least have closure, you tried, and were let down. Now, you'll appreciate your family even more than you did before. Safe travels...don't be too hard on yourself about any of this...you've handled yourself perfectly.
Best wishes.
I agree that most likely, this is giving you a clear picture of different ways as to why your life was probably better IN SPITE of your father...and better without him in it.
You can at least have closure, you tried, and were let down. Now, you'll appreciate your family even more than you did before. Safe travels...don't be too hard on yourself about any of this...you've handled yourself perfectly.
Best wishes.
Yes i tried alittle too hard and I refuse to take it to another level.I am packed and ready to go soon as this storm thing is over.He just showed me that filming a dog show is more important than me.Im DONE.Thanks for the imput.My mind is made up.I feel sooooooooo hurt and inside I feel like I dont ever want to c him again.Maybe months later I can conversate with him on the phone for short periods.Maybe I just wont.He probably could care less,so I dont care.my sons dont care two ***** about him,its ambout their motherme).As long as there is a GOD up above Im gona b ok.Thank all of u for my SMILE.I will keep u posted,It feels good to have people to talk to.THANKS!.
No he is not worth my time or Love.I am leaving,but its one thing thats holding me here now is the storm.By friday I will be on the fist bus outta here.THANK U
Well, you didn't know until you tried whether this would work out with a relationship with your dad.
I would have been more encouraged if HE were the one to initiate the contact - but it's been you doing it apparently against his will. For him to have such disdain for his grandsons, also, and obvious complete lack of interest in them, I think it's time for you to pack this up and go home.
Nothing ventured, nothing gained. At least at this point you won't be regretting all the wonderful years you could have had a with dear old dad - likely, had he been around instead of abandoning you, your life would have been worse for it.
Move on -
Best wishes.
I would have been more encouraged if HE were the one to initiate the contact - but it's been you doing it apparently against his will. For him to have such disdain for his grandsons, also, and obvious complete lack of interest in them, I think it's time for you to pack this up and go home.
Nothing ventured, nothing gained. At least at this point you won't be regretting all the wonderful years you could have had a with dear old dad - likely, had he been around instead of abandoning you, your life would have been worse for it.
Move on -
Best wishes.
COMMUNITY LEADER
In all honesty, I question his sanity. I really do. But don't stick around to figure out if he is senile, insane in a clinical sense, or just a pervert. Not worth it. He's not been in your life all these years and clearly that very well have been a good thing. Limit your exposure to 'whatever' is going on with him. good luck
Im not sure if my father has a sexual intention,but i dont want to find out.He claims he Love me,but he cant seem to spend a whole day with just me and him out on the town,or watch movies and talk.Ive been here for two and a half weeks and he has no intrest in spending time with his long lost daughter.I wish i hadnt come for this long.I feel so lost right now.maybe in his mind nothing is wrong with it,but I have a problem with not being able to get answers to questions to past life.He claims he cant remember.Thats bull,my father is very sane at 71.
Thanks to u also.My stepfather would NEVER consider something like this.May my mother rest in peace,she would totally flip if she was alive.
Thank U 2.Im glad to hear that others understand my point of view,Ill keep everyone posted,and still want the comments.
Thank u so much.Im sure by phone he will still be unbelievable.I will let u all know and keep posting my out come of future situations
COMMUNITY LEADER
Well, that is sad and I'm sure disappointing. Sometimes knowing when to leave it alone is good and regarding him, that might be a good idea.
Good luck and go back to the people that love you. Your REAL family. peace
Good luck and go back to the people that love you. Your REAL family. peace
Ive read what u all have said and i Truly aqnd Honestly agree.Thank u for the comments and input on my situation.I am leaving from my fathers and going back to my boyfriend,I do feel very uncomfortable.When I tell him im gona let my sons know what is going on and c what they say,He tells me F my sons and he dont care what they say or think bcause they dont run him or his house hold. That statement really pisses me off and I dont know if I will ever come back to c him.My heart hurts and I feel bad for my father,but he has a serious problem. This is 2012,not1940. I am his first born child,we were seperated when i was age4.Now im 50 and decided to find him.Now that I have,a part of me wish i could have kept it as a phone conversation only.
COMMUNITY LEADER
By the way, I don't second guess myself when someone that is basically a stranger asks to sleep with me. I would be uncomfortable even staying in their home and would opt for a hotel and let's meet for breakfast in the morning.
good luck. Obviously not normal but maybe not just incestual thoughts going on but mental health issues.
good luck. Obviously not normal but maybe not just incestual thoughts going on but mental health issues.
I have a concern with the way this thread is heading.
So often, very clear signals that someone has indecent intent are "poo pooed" and the person reporting those very clear signals is made to judge their own capacity to observe the obvious - and their own ability to sense when something is horribly wrong.
They end up doubting their ability to sense danger.
Something is very, very wrong with a 71 year old man who, at the first meeting of his now adult (and pretty) daughter immediately says they need to sleep together to get to know each other.
There's no two ways to look at that intent, and it's dangerous to tell a person who is trying to discuss this that it's nothing than gold old fashioned values.
"Good old fashioned values" in fact, dictated that girls who were sexually abused at least have the decency to not discuss it in polite company - participating in something that disgusting should be kept private.
I'm quite sure that more incest was committed during the "good old days" than is going on now.
So often, very clear signals that someone has indecent intent are "poo pooed" and the person reporting those very clear signals is made to judge their own capacity to observe the obvious - and their own ability to sense when something is horribly wrong.
They end up doubting their ability to sense danger.
Something is very, very wrong with a 71 year old man who, at the first meeting of his now adult (and pretty) daughter immediately says they need to sleep together to get to know each other.
There's no two ways to look at that intent, and it's dangerous to tell a person who is trying to discuss this that it's nothing than gold old fashioned values.
"Good old fashioned values" in fact, dictated that girls who were sexually abused at least have the decency to not discuss it in polite company - participating in something that disgusting should be kept private.
I'm quite sure that more incest was committed during the "good old days" than is going on now.
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