living situation...

[HaYnSweetie]

Ok so my BF and i live together and i kinda like that its just us. We have a 3 bedroom 2 bathroom house ((the house my dad helped me buy)). Well since he and i are together, hes been paying the mortgage since he gets BAH & BAS & he has more than enough to cover the payments as well as the bills, i just help with the bills lol. Anywho one of his friends who he knew from high school got stationed here the end of 2008, navy guy. Well last year his friend went back home to visit family and then headed to San Fran to visit his GF...he ended up not coming back for 5 months...so basically he went AWOL. Well he thought he was just gonna be put on restriction and spend 45 days on the boat, but instead the Navy kicked him out. This happened this past Jan. Anwyho he lived with my BF up until April until he got busted using my BF's military ID card ((my BF thought he lost it, so he had a new one made)) to try and get on base to eat at the chow hall and use the gym, he got my BF in alot of trouble with his commander, but after a couple of weeks things cleared up. My BF's friend was banned from base and if seen on or around military property he would be thrown in jail...my BF lived in the bachelor base housing at the time, so his friend went to live with another guy we all hang out with.

Ok so heres my dilemma...my BF asked me if his friend could come live at our house and if he could have one of the bedrooms upstairs. Ok BEFORE my BF moved in i already had everything settled...1 bedroom upstairs is a guest bedroom, i always have family visiting or friends from outta town or for when my sisters spend the night...and the other is a smaller bedroom which i plan on turning into a nursery. Well my BF's friend HAS NO JOB, HAS NOT BEEN LOOKING FOR A JOB AND HAS NO CAR since his car got repossesed! When he was living with my BF he was wearing his clothes, driving his car around and of course NOT puting gas in it because he has NO MONEY! When i used to go over there id bring food and of course my BF asked if i could bring food for his friend too...it was like his friend was our child! My BF treated him like he was our effing kid...spent money on him, gave him money, bought him beer, everything...you name it! Well hes been living with this lady we are all good friends with for the past month or so...shes in the Army...her 3 year old son lives there & her sister lives there too. Also...these freeloaders i used to hang out with live there too now...so all together 9 people are living in a 3 bedroom townhouse...well my BF's friend says its too crowded and wants to come live with us...which i know by him coming is just gonna make the others slowly migrate to our house. I told my BF absolutely NOT...well he calls me today and says his friend is gonna come spend the night...YEAH OK, hes gonna come spend the night and never leave! Im so angry...and all he says is its ONE NIGHT STOP BEING ANGRY AND SELFISH! Do you think im being selfish by not wanting his friend to live with us?? Plus i like my privacy, i like to be able to walk around my house in a towel or a wrap and lay on the couch downstairs and watch what i like to watch. Im always tired after work so when i get home i like to sleep on the couch while my BF plays video games or watches his dumb guy shows. I feel like all my privacy and freedom is being taken away. Ive explained this to him, but he just tells me im greedy. I feel like ive lost this battle :(

[Michele, Katy, TX]

I didn't read all the comments and didn't have too.  I agree w/ everyone.  Good for you in standing your ground and this guy is a loser and is TROUBLE.  Your BF needs to wake up!!

[specialmom]

I agree.  I think in the long run you did the right thing.  It would have put your relationship in jeopardy.  I hope that the friend keeps his distance!  Good luck and I think this will blow over.  
good job and good luck!!

[penswriter]

Good for you!!!! Not many women would go through with it!!! That is awesome that your bf agreed and that you put your foot down. Good job!!!

[teko]

Good for you for standing your ground. That is a long winding road with a dead end you don't want to travel, ever.  I have seen so many people lose relationships or do permanent damage to one by doing this, and losing friends in the process. You did the right thing!

[HaYnSweetie]

Thank you everyone!! Friday after work i told my BF that his friend can stay the night 1 night and that was it! So he spent the night friday night and then saturday we dropped him off at the house hes staying at now...i pretty much gave my BF an ultimatum...it was him or me.

[specialmom]

It is unanimous.  I would not allow someone that just so happened to get caught with my boyfriend's ID card in his pocket and was using it to live in the same house as me.  Nope.  What if he finds your credit card mysteriously in his pocket?

Your relationship will suffer.  I don't think you have to make it confrontational when you tell your boyfriend that his friend can't move in--------- you just say that it is not the best thing for you as a couple.  

And reading that you are pregnant, no.  You do not need this drama.  Be super loving and sweet with your boyfriend and talk about how excited you are to start your life together------- the two of you.  But don't let him guilt you into this.  It would be a disaster.  good luck

[mami1323]

I agree with everyone and say a big fat NO! Why is your bf even still friends with this loser? He almost got your bf in trouble and is a complete moocher. You will hate it if this guy stays there. Plus you will become very resentful towards your boyfriend. You two haven't had the easiest of times in the past so you don't add more issues into a new relationship and one where there is a baby on the way. Having a baby adds stress to some of the best relationships. You don't need a houseguest from hell making it worse.

[penswriter]

No, no, no, no!!!!! It will only lead to trouble. One night...sure. But if that one night turns into another and another and another...tell BF friend HAS GOT TO GO! That's not fair to either of you to support the lazy man. He was the one who screwed up his military career. He's the one who won't look for a job. You're not his family...it's not your responsibility to look after him, house him, feed him and clothe him. It's obvious this boy needs to fall on his butt to get motivated to get a job.

[teko]

If you value your relationship with your bf, his friend and your privacy, you should not go along with this at all. Make it very clear and stand your ground... No ifs, and, or but about it. Or you will all 3 regret it in the end.

[frank_noahsmommy]

Wow, u need to stand ur ground on this one!!! This is not a good situation. This guy is going to try to take advantage of good people once again. It sounds to me like your BF is a good guy and does not no how to say NO, well he needs too!!! You are pregnant and have a baby on the way that needs to be supported not a grown man!!!!! You are in no way being selfish, maybe if this guy had a job and was planning on contributing in some form, but he does not and obviously does not plan too. He has done something totally wrong to you and your BF by stealing that ID and could of resulted in more serious problems, I bet he did not care aout your BF then!!!!!!!! remind him of these things!!!! I am sorry you have to go through this, I am sending you lots of hugs and strength to get through this.....Let me know how it turns out!!!

p.s why don't u tell the "friend" it is for one night only and u expect him out by tomorrow!!!! give him a time!!!!!!!

Michelle

[Ashelen]

This is a simple one to me...no. this guy is trouble and with a baby in the future you can't afford trouble to be hanging around. That's what you need to emphasize to your boyfriend...you have a baby's future to consider, and you need to put that first and foremost. even your feelings about this are second to that. the important thing to realize here is that this guy represents trouble and to put your baby in a situation where this fellow is living in the same household is irresponsible, selfish at best, and dangerous at worst. not that he's a dangerous person, but he clearly has no problem breaking the law and getting your boyfriend in trouble....and what happens if he breaks a very serious law and your boyfriend gets blamed for it, and then you lose your baby?

so...no. time for BF to grow up and realize that his friend is either capable of doing this on his own and they can stay friends, or maybe this friendship should become a relic of the past.

this "one night" thing...say yes. if it goes past one night, you leave until BF's friend is gone. it's that simple. one night...sure..no big deal...but if BF doesn't respect the agreement and enforce the rules with his friend that it's just a one-night thing, then he isn't responsible enough to protect your baby from his friend and you should leave until the friend is moved out.