relationship problems...help

[kkgirl03]

i had a previous post on here about 4-5 months ago... it went along the lines of:
i was involved with someone who was leaving for the marines, he left and didnt even bother to say goodbye. but would write me a letter at least once a week. after he started writing to me i felt like maybe he actually did care about me. we talked about so many things and we would share so much together just by writing to each other. he never asked me to wait for him, but i thought i would try to, considering how much i cared about him. however, about a month after he left, i met someone. hes amazing, and he treats me so well and he cares about me so much. hes never hurt me the way the other guy did. i decided i wanted to give this person a chance, and give myself a chance and i knew that i deserved someone better.
weve been dating for almost 3 months now and i know if i let myself, i could really fall for him.
but, the marine came back, mad obviously that i didnt wait for him, but now hes telling me he loves me and hes willing to do anything to get me back.
i feel horrible because i still want him back because i never really had much closure with him and theres a lot that we still have to talk about. i know that i still have feelings with him, all my friends tell me that i should just forget about him but i just cant help who i fall for.
i feel horrible because i care so much for my boyfriend, but i cant help but feel like maybe im doing the wrong thing? is it even possible to feel so strongly for two people like this?
i feel like such a horrible person.
any advice? be blunt if you have to! i know i deserve it

[myown2]

Well I'll say this. The marine could care less it seems. The reason I say this is because I don't know of a man who would say lets be a couple in 4 yrs but in the meantime "you keep dating that guy you are with". Any man that has an interest in a woman for a long term relationship is NOT going to like to think about that woman being in the arms of another man. And not only that, he knows there's a chance you could actually develop feelings for the guy you are with and that would knock him out of the game. I don't know how old you are but it sounds like you are not ready for a "going steady" relationship even though your bf thinks you and he are in one. Tell the marine you're now all his and you probably won't hear from him again. I think he, just like you, has somebody else. Just that he hasn't told you. I think you'll wind up regretting losing the guy you're with. But the other thing is, the bf wants to "start his life with you" you said. But "living together" is nothing special or something that you can consider starting a life together. Its just the short end of a stick that women have decided to take for some stupid reason.

I hope I don't sound harsh but you really need to look at your life and think of how you would feel if your bf was making plans behind your back like you are doing, eh?

[kkgirl03]

Hey I'm not sure if any of you who posted on here remembers my situation from last summer? But basically I still feel the same for the guy that left for the marines almost a year ago. We still talk almost every day, and we talk about slot of really personal things. I've shared alot with him and I still have really strong feelings for him. But I have a boyfriend of nine months and he has no idea I've been talking with the marine. Is it possible to love two men at the same time? I have no idea what to do. The marine tells me to stay with my current boyfriend because it will be best for me for right now. But he wants me to wait for him until he gets out in four years. I have no idea what I want and in the meantime my current boyfriend wants to start his life with me and move in together in the fall. I want the same things he does but I also feel I'm being unfair not only to himbut more importantly to myself. I can't let myself fall for two people but I have no idea how to stop it. I can't discontinue talking to either of them. They both make me so happy. I truly don't want to lose either of them... What should I do?

[kkgirl03]

thanks everyone. that definintely helps alot. i think i just need to make up my mind once and for all. thank you!

[specialmom]

I hear that tune right now "torn between two lovers . . . ".  I'm old, so you probably haven't heard that song before.  But this is a timeless situation people find themselves in.  

The marine should not have been mad at you for moving on with your life and dating someone else.  You weren't a couple and he didn't do anything that would make you think he wanted to be.  He is just back now and you are extra attractive to him because you are taken.  I mean, I'm sure he is attracted to you and likes you and all but that you are now unavailable makes this a challenge and he'd be the grand winner if he gets you.  There is very powerful psychology in that for some people.  

It is easy for all of us to say that you should stay with the guy that has proven he will be there for you but it isn't fair to him for you to stay if you are pining away for another guy.  

What I'd do is sit down with pen and paper all by yourself and write this out.  Pros and cons of your current guy, pros and cons of the marine----  be totally honest and look at it in black and white.  If you can't give your new guy your heart----  you should let him go.  So he can find someone that will be as into him as he is in to them.  If you see that the other 'thing' is an infatuation and not a safe or good choice for you, then put it out of your mind and focus on your boyfriend.  The ball is in your corner.  And sometimes picking the safe guy isn't the best thing.  Sometimes it is.  But it is for you alone to decide.  good luck

[Londres70]

For starts, you aren't a horrible person at ALL.  You might feel like one, but you aren't.  It is possible to care about two persons at once; this has happened to me as well.  Confusing as hell though.  :(

This Marine, hmmm, he has already showed you he can be an insensitive "jerk."  Then, he starts writing letters after he left WITHOUT saying goodbye to you?  This is NOT someone who loves you.  Sounds like he is playing the "yo-yo" game with you, i.e. come to me, don't come to me, I love you, drops off the face of the earth, pops up again, etc.  You get the picture.  Plus you would have to be dealing with a "long-distance" relationship with him as well; not easy at all and usually don't work out.  

I would recommend pursuing this relationship you have with the other guy.  Seems like things are going good between you two.

You can stll have your "closure talk" with the Marine.