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Avatar universal

Am I safe with these kind of precautions?

Please do not judge. My life is very sad and lonely and you could only imagine my situation. That being said, I’ve been negotiating with a woman online. She is under the impression that I am making an adult film and needed an actress for it. I will be paying her between $300-$600 for her services. I’m making it as official as possible.

And, although I do plan on filming, mostly to legitimize this, the basic point is for me to have sex. I’m deathly afraid of STDs, but have only been with one woman and never had vaginal sex. And I’m 29 nine years old!

Anyway, I had her answer a series of questions, will have her sign a release and am requiring her to get a series of 7 STD tests and providing me with the results.

She claims to have only had one partner in the last 6 months.

She is OK with getting the tests I said I would pay for.

She is going to be signing a release that says I can sue her if anybody gets an STD from her.

Basically, I’m tired of been basically a virgin and pretty much have had no chance of anything resembling a regular relationship and I’m desperate.

I’m just trying to get a feel, maybe scientifically or statistically, as to how safe I am (STD wise) if I follow through on this.

Any info will help.
23 Responses
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Avatar universal
Don't do it! Its not worth it! You don't want to even take a chance on catching something like HIV or HSV2. YOU CANT TRUST WHAT SHE TELLS YOU! The test won't mean anything because she coulda caught something yesterday. And you suing her won't mean anything because HSV2 and HIV are incurable! Your best bet is just to try and meet somebody and start a relationship with them and hope they don't cheat and then make them get tested after 6 months. Listen to me please! DON"T DO IT! If you get burned, its NO TURNING BACK! Its your life you're playing with, BELIEVE ME!
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
Jayman,

I just ran into this chat, you really need to listen to vance and auntj and the others, getting laid is not about looking great, it's confidence and compassion.  This is the same with a relationship, I am sure your probably better looking then you think and there is a girl out there for you.

I do not agree with adult finder and all the cyber junk, just start going to groups or clubs that interest you.

also the 8,9 and 10 women are a pain in the ***, boney and high maintaince and usually too vain. My wife is not a 10 nor am I; just find someone who will love you and let the rest work it's self out.
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Avatar universal
As a peson, I generally am all the things your describe that you would like. Due to the fact that none of it works, and your get absolutely no respect, I'm desperate.

But, as the "good guy" (and perhaps wuss) that I am, I'm backing out.

It seems like girls like you only exsist in chat forums.
Helpful - 0
652407 tn?1300737199
Let me also let you in on something, not all women are into "those" guys, I would much rather have someone who is going to respect me and be faithful then a pretty boy or a rich guy... but I also would rather have someone who  has confidence rather then someone who needs to feel the way you do and try to trick women in having sex with them.
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Avatar universal
Just wanted to let you know, I do model photography on a professional level and about 1/4 of the models have had me shoot shots for them for websites that require nudity (but that's all). In my professioanl life, I am just that and would never cross a line. I'm assuming with a proper release (I don't use a drummed up one for this sort of thing) and age documentation, all is good.
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Avatar universal
As long as there was no money exchanged and she was aware of it. If money is exchanged it can be considered prostitution (depending on the law in the area). Some areas will say that the $ exchanged was for sexual gratification no matter what was done other might not see it that way. Because if you give someone $ and they just masterbate who is to say that more will not go on?

And if the person does not know they are being taped then a couple of different things can come into play (invasion of privacy) but does that person have a reasonable expectation of privacy? That is a debatable subject.
But also there are many laws the prohibit the video taping of someone without there consent. You see it all of the time on the news where a guy vsets up a video camera in an apartment he is renting out to someone, or with guys who film "upskirts".

So just to summorize...if the person is made aware of the taping and is willing and no money is exchanged then all of that is legal. if you did something like that you can hove the woman admit before the taping starts that she is fully aware that she is on camera and it will be used for personal use only.
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Avatar universal
Since you're a criminal justice guy, are there any issues if I where to film a girl doing something solo? Just asking - not planning on doing it.
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Avatar universal
I try to better myself. I'm constantly looking for a job that suits me better, have been for years. But, living in Pittsburgh and with this economy, easier said than done. I've been on several interviews, none worked out though.

As for the other stuff you suggested, I already do all of that, and probably more than most people in fact.

I'm sure there are girls out there like the ones you are suggesting, but they seem to be the vast minority and I've never met one.
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Avatar universal
Here are my suggestions. Work at bettering yourself. Find and keep a good reputable job. Be active in your community with volunteer work. Join and participate in a worship center of your faith. Exercise, eat well, avoid alcohol and tobacco. Read the newspaper, be educated as to the daily events that surround you. Believe me, a good woman would then love to spend her time with you. And remember to always treat that person with love and respect. Women love kindness and respect much more that the hair on your head or your best Brad Pitt imitation. Good luck.
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Avatar universal
Go lower then a 6. Nothing you can do about height but try a different hair style? Shave your head.
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Avatar universal
I sometimes write to the 10s but usually go for the 6-8s. It does't matter, either they have an issue with my hieght or lack of hair or something else. I'm not picky, really. It's so much more about personality and who they are.

The confidence thing is not really something I think I can control. It's part of my personality and I can't change my personality, I was born with it. And even if I could change it, I'd not be being true to you I am.

Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
With confidence it's not something you are born with. Just like sports players you gain it and lose it.
On any site you need to play yourself up and talk about what is great and stay away from anything negative. For example me...I am 5'11" 165, I played college lacrosse, so i am athletic and willing to do anything once. I love to cook, read and sometimes just watch tv. Stay away from Hi I never had a relationship before and I want one. I don't do much but I love video games.
Now take something like I wrote and apply it to you. Build yourself up but also make yourself a mystery.

Condoms-they do not fail unless you use them incorrectly. I had 1 break once only because I put it on wrong. So they are going to protect you from STD's. And just because people are on AFF doesn't mean they have a STD. Most people don't have STD's and most people are not having sex with everyone they meet or date. people on AFF are looking for sex but just because 50 guys respond to an ad doesn't mean some woman is going to have sex with all of them or any of them.
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Avatar universal
I would not worry about sending her any money, but I think you are doing the right thing by calling it off under these circumstances.

Trust me I am far from Brad Pitt. As AJ said confidence is really the key. if you gain that confidence then women will actually approach you. But also on some dating sites like cupid and eharmoney you can't go for the 10's. Everyone wants a beautiful woman but they are out of our reach. Go for a 6 or a 7 or even lower. (I hate putting women on a scale like that, but just trying to make a point). My wife I find beautiful, yes I was attracted to her but what made her the most beautiful women I have ever know is when i really found out who she was, what kind of heart she has.

I know how you feel to some extent. i was not in a real relationship until i was 23. yeah I had sex before that but it was drunken sex and 1/2 of the time i don't remember it. And to be honest I wish I had waited.

We will have to disagree on the porn industry.
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Avatar universal
Yes, I've been working with a therapist. I tired AFF, with now luck. Even among a buch of hornballs I can't get anything going. Besides, I figure it's almost a certainty I'd catch something from there.

I know condoms fail. Even if it's once, that's all it takes.

If that where the case about what attacts women, I wouldn't be able to decide between all the girls. I am always described as a nice guys, good guy or whatever, but that's the problem. Confidence, well, you either have it or your don't, not much choice there.
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Avatar universal
I am seeing a therapist, mostly for my fear of sex. I have ODC and am in and out of a state of depression. It's hard to have confidence when your life experiences have beaten it out of you. I've tried the dating sites. I've tried Yahoo Personals, American Singles, Plenty of Fish, OK Cupid and a few others - nothing - ever. I've never even had a real girlfriend and never even kissed a girl until I was 26! I really don't see any other options. I guess I'm doomed to be single and celebate.

I wish we where all average. For example, people like Brad Pitt and Colin Farell are not average. I can post a picture of myself on my profile or send you a link to a profile on facebook or one of the dating sites or something and maybe you'll see what I mean about average.

Thanks for clearing up the entrapment thing.

I know STDs are reduced with condoms but far from full proof. I'd never have unprotected sex unless I was 100% sure the other person was STD free and monogamous.

But honestly, saying the porn industry is regulated is a major stretch. Maybe the big companies but that's it. And saying they are payed to act is a total joke, like saying escorts are paid for companionship.

I think I'll call it off by saying the actor backed out becuase he's a wuss. It wouldn't be wholey untrue. I'm sure she'll be pissed off at me and since I'll have screwed her over, I'll send a small payment her way as retribution.
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207091 tn?1337709493
COMMUNITY LEADER
When you were here awhile ago, I suggested counseling for you.  Have you given that any thought?

If you are going to do this, why not to go Adult Friend Finder and find someone there?  The membership has to be cheaper than what you are paying this woman, and there are all kinds of women there.  You wouldn't have to negotiate, or lie - they are all looking for sexual activity.

Just use condoms, and you'll be fine.

Remember that one of the biggest things that women are attracted to is confidence.   And if you are nice to us, and don't lie, you are more attractive than many men out there.

Aj
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Avatar universal
To start the world is nothing but average guys and a lot of them are married or in relationships. I think somehow you have gotten down on yourself and maybe seeing a therapist might help build up your self confidence. Why not try going on eharmony or other dating websites to find someone to date?

I work at an average job and make average money, I am average height, weight and looks. Nothing special about me. I did not have women banging down my door. Most of the women I slept with were average or even below average depending on your classification and it was when both of us were drunk.

No this would not be entrapment from law enforcement. They did nothing to make you do anything. I have a degree in Criminal Justice I know what entraptment is and this is no where close to it.

When condoms are used STD's are not passed, so this is how high priced call girls get less STD's then average jane who has unprotected sex.

The porn industry is providing a service in form of a movie, not prostitution. They get paid to act on camera for profit to a larger company. they are regulated and licensed. It is a lot different then just paying someone to have sex and filming it yourself.

I am trying to make you see things in a different light and see other things that you have ignored. Do what you want but you have a lot of other options.
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Avatar universal
Most people wouldn't know that. The porn inudstry in nothing more than prostitution somehow regulated. I guess it's because ti can be taxed. The governements lets anything go if they can profit from it.

How could they be less likely to have an STD when they have hundreds if not thousands of partners? They might say they test ferquently but I can't very well ask for proof. And the tests would be irrelevant anyway if thier having sex all the time.

I figure if law enforcement did this, it would be entrapment.

I doubt you're an average guy. Either that or you wound a one in a million lady.
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Avatar universal
Why would she not know that? Your assuming she is dumb. How is this different from the porn industry...well to start they are liscenced and are a real business. This again is fraud.

Actually prostitues that you would pay $600 are less likely to have a STD then a normal person. They use condoms everytime and test frequently.

Law enforcement will do a lot. I have several friends who are local police in my town and I know several state troopers. When they have a sting and get one guy hooked they keep going until they get that person.

Average guys do get women, I am very average and I am married and have had relationships in the past. i am not swimming with money or anything like that.
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Avatar universal
A condom would be being used. And, I know it would not hold up in court but doubt she would know that. How is anything here different than the actual porn industry?

Like I said, I'll tell her the truth before anythign happens.

I can't go to a prostitute, I'm bound to me a nervious wreck, likely to get caaught and arrested and more likely to get somebody with an STD.

I don't know for sure it's not a sting but I doubt a cop would send me revealing pictures or sign off on anything. At first I told her I wanted a certian look and she said she didn't fit it and wasn't going to persue it any further until I contacted her. So that too seems to be something they wouldn't do.

If I could just have a real relationship, this would never even be an issues. But nice, average guys can't win in this world, unless you have a ton of money. For example, she'd never agree to this is it wasn't for cash or even give me the time of day if we met in a conventional way.
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Avatar universal
As for the info kdaily gave you on STD's and testing she is right. But you also are taking her word that she has not had sex in 6 months and that could or could not be truthful.

As for what you are doing...1. You can not sue if you get a STD if she has no knowledge. And the release will not hold up in court because it was your choice not to use a condom. 2. What you are doing is solisitation and making her into a prostitute. 3. You are committing fraud. 2 of the 3 things I just said above can result in jail time.

I understand your situation with being a virgin and not being able to have sex one way or another but I highly advise against doing it this way. If you want sex then go to a prostitute, but don't con some woman into thinking she is going to be in a movie. What happens when she comes back and says where is the movie? Why can't I get a copy? Why is it not for sale? She could then take legal action again you.
Also how do you know this is not a police sting?
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Avatar universal
I know this is a bad road. I just don't really see any other chance a guy like me will ever have. Relationships and sex are for the lucky or the beautiful, not average Joe's like me. Anyway, I do plan to come clean, right before we begin filming. If she has an issue with it, I'll give her $50 or so for her trouble and just let her go.
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652407 tn?1300737199
Any time you have unprotected sex you are at risk, if she hasn't had sex in 6 months then her results will be conclusive as she has past all window periods...

on another note you need to be honest with you as she could sue you too for what your doing, your pretending to be someone your not and you're paying her for sex... prostitution come to mind.... you heading down a bad road if you continue in this manner
Helpful - 0
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