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Debate: is watching porn cheating?
I know everyone has their own opinions, I am curious what you guys think. Is it ok to masturbate watching porn, or is that a form of betraying your significant other? Or is it circumstancial, and up to the people in each individual relationship to decide together?
how is it disrespectful ? is reading a romance novel disrespectful ? how about a movie with nudity and love scenes ? if you masturbate thinking of your boyfriend i can assure you that you are in the .000000001 % of people who do . and i can also guarantee you that if your boyfriend is a guy he doesnt masturbate thinking of you . masturbation is a normal and healthy part of our sexuality . so is fantasizing . they are called fantasies because they are not our reality .
i love my wife more than life itself . i am more turned on by her now after 16 years than i was when i was 25 . my fantasies still revolve around which ever super hot starlet or sexy model or porn star that is not my reality .
i love my wife more than life itself . i am more turned on by her now after 16 years than i was when i was 25 . my fantasies still revolve around which ever super hot starlet or sexy model or porn star that is not my reality .
im curious where do you draw the line ? is it ok to watch a movie that has nudity ? how about a love scene ? how about a movie like 9 1/2 weeks ? how could it be cheating when you are by your self ? that just doesnt even remotely make sense . watching porn is like any other form of stimulation for either self or mutual pleasure . all men masturbate . when we do we tend to visualize something sexually desireable . and im sorry to say 99% of the times it is not our wives . while our wives are sexually desireable we have you in the flesh and in action . our fantasies are fantasies . if you do not like watching porn then by all means do not watch it . but there is nothing wrong with someone else likeing it . we should all respect our spouses opinions , and we should more importantly respect their needs .
i know this has been a couple years since you posted but i agree with you. i am going thru this right now...it hurts so bad. i really dont know where to turn. to end it, and to believe him a second time that it wont happen....i dont know how we are going to have sex ever again...before this, i pursued him EVERY night, sometimes he didnt even want to have sex every night...and its still not enough?
My husband is a porn addict, a sex addict and a sexual anorexic. All his life he's thought it was fine to stare at attractive women in public and sexualize and objectify them. Then came online porn. What an insane trip this has been.
Even though I told him repeatedly that I didn't like his secret online porn life, that I wanted to watch porn with him (I actually do enjoy a lot of it) and that I wanted him to stop sneaking and lying, he did it again. And again and again and again. So then I had to face the reality that his online porn activity was more important to him than my feelings. Meanwhile, he's still staring at women who catch his eye in public. And I mean STARING, obsessively, to the point that I was humiliated, first for myself, secondly for the women he stared at.
All the while, over 16 years, we'd have a little sex, then no sex. Four months, six months, finally 18 months and no sex at all. When I went out of town for two weeks, I found porn all over his computer. The list of URLs is outrageous. He spent about 12 hours a day for the first three days, then a little less as the days went on. Of course, he ended up masturbating for two days in a row just before I came home. The whole scene: He crammed in as much porn as he would and satisfied himself sexually before I came back because my presence interferes with his opportunities. That's what I thought...
I printed his URLs and confronted him in black and white. As the truth slowly came out, he was watching online porn when I was in the shower, when I was at the grocery store buying food to make us dinner, while I was at the doctor's office, the dentist's office, the hair salon...anywhere and everywhere. And there's little or no sex for me. But he's had a blast.
If two people agree that they enjoy porn and can use it together, I have no problem. If one person in a relationship is using porn after the partner has expressed that s/he doesn't like it, it's time to stop or get out of the relationship out of respect for the other individual. If porn takes up hours out of a user's day, if he can't say he did one productive thing all day and night, if s/he doesn't want sex with the partner, there's a serious problem. Porn is just the tip of the iceberg. It's all the betrayal, deceit and manipulation that comes with it that makes this so devastating.
My message to anyone reading this is: Get real. Be honest. Be respectful of your partner. Take an online test to determine if you have a sex addiction, porn addiction or any other sort of sexual disorder.
Women: Don't let these men destroy your self-esteem or create body issues for you. We are deserving of the fullness of this life, despite the selfish actions of those who place their sexual fulfillment ahead of your relationship. If your partner is negatively impacting your sexual self-esteem and refuses to stop, be prepared to end the partnership.
Even though I told him repeatedly that I didn't like his secret online porn life, that I wanted to watch porn with him (I actually do enjoy a lot of it) and that I wanted him to stop sneaking and lying, he did it again. And again and again and again. So then I had to face the reality that his online porn activity was more important to him than my feelings. Meanwhile, he's still staring at women who catch his eye in public. And I mean STARING, obsessively, to the point that I was humiliated, first for myself, secondly for the women he stared at.
All the while, over 16 years, we'd have a little sex, then no sex. Four months, six months, finally 18 months and no sex at all. When I went out of town for two weeks, I found porn all over his computer. The list of URLs is outrageous. He spent about 12 hours a day for the first three days, then a little less as the days went on. Of course, he ended up masturbating for two days in a row just before I came home. The whole scene: He crammed in as much porn as he would and satisfied himself sexually before I came back because my presence interferes with his opportunities. That's what I thought...
I printed his URLs and confronted him in black and white. As the truth slowly came out, he was watching online porn when I was in the shower, when I was at the grocery store buying food to make us dinner, while I was at the doctor's office, the dentist's office, the hair salon...anywhere and everywhere. And there's little or no sex for me. But he's had a blast.
If two people agree that they enjoy porn and can use it together, I have no problem. If one person in a relationship is using porn after the partner has expressed that s/he doesn't like it, it's time to stop or get out of the relationship out of respect for the other individual. If porn takes up hours out of a user's day, if he can't say he did one productive thing all day and night, if s/he doesn't want sex with the partner, there's a serious problem. Porn is just the tip of the iceberg. It's all the betrayal, deceit and manipulation that comes with it that makes this so devastating.
My message to anyone reading this is: Get real. Be honest. Be respectful of your partner. Take an online test to determine if you have a sex addiction, porn addiction or any other sort of sexual disorder.
Women: Don't let these men destroy your self-esteem or create body issues for you. We are deserving of the fullness of this life, despite the selfish actions of those who place their sexual fulfillment ahead of your relationship. If your partner is negatively impacting your sexual self-esteem and refuses to stop, be prepared to end the partnership.
I really liked your comment to the debate and I agree with you in so many ways.
My partner (male) used to watch a lot of porn before we became a couple and afterwards as well. When we started dating it didn't bother me, actually we were watching porn together. I have never really watched porn so I thought it was quite interesting and it turned me on.
But suddenly it started to bother me...we have sex 1-3 a day since we meet each other a year ago. So loads of sex. He is a guy with a big sex drive but luckily for both of us so have I.
I guess I thought his need for porn would be = zero with the amount of sex we have and I have a hart time understanding why he still need to watch porn....
I really understand guys who watch porn because their partner doesn't have the same sex drive as the other and they have a need
but this is nok the case! We couldnt have more sex, (on less we made a business out of it:)
I told him how I feel about it. I didn't ask him to stop but he said himself that he wouldn't do it anymore if it hurt my feelings and it was only because he wasn't aware it was such a big deal for me. and he said sorry for hurting me and it wasn't a big deal to stop as it was just an old habit to jump on the porn side once in a while.........
But then I find out the other day that he still watch porn which really made me upset.
1. That he was watching porn in secret even though he knows it makes me feel sad
2. But the worst thing is that he lied to me about that he didn't had the need but just a habit. I never told him to stop it ( but because I was really happy when he said that he would and it wasn't a big deal) and then he does it anyway .....aw!
I compare myself to the girls all the time (I am a attractive girl with small breast though) I have no doubt that my partner finds me attractive (otherwise we wouldn't do it 1-3 daily) but I know he likes big breasts and I can't stop thinking and compare myself to the big **** that pops into his face when he watch porn and it is something I don't have....
I'm going to confront him with it no doubt but I just want your opinion on this and maybe some reasons for why he still wants to watch porn even though our sex life is great?
My partner (male) used to watch a lot of porn before we became a couple and afterwards as well. When we started dating it didn't bother me, actually we were watching porn together. I have never really watched porn so I thought it was quite interesting and it turned me on.
But suddenly it started to bother me...we have sex 1-3 a day since we meet each other a year ago. So loads of sex. He is a guy with a big sex drive but luckily for both of us so have I.
I guess I thought his need for porn would be = zero with the amount of sex we have and I have a hart time understanding why he still need to watch porn....
I really understand guys who watch porn because their partner doesn't have the same sex drive as the other and they have a need
but this is nok the case! We couldnt have more sex, (on less we made a business out of it:)
I told him how I feel about it. I didn't ask him to stop but he said himself that he wouldn't do it anymore if it hurt my feelings and it was only because he wasn't aware it was such a big deal for me. and he said sorry for hurting me and it wasn't a big deal to stop as it was just an old habit to jump on the porn side once in a while.........
But then I find out the other day that he still watch porn which really made me upset.
1. That he was watching porn in secret even though he knows it makes me feel sad
2. But the worst thing is that he lied to me about that he didn't had the need but just a habit. I never told him to stop it ( but because I was really happy when he said that he would and it wasn't a big deal) and then he does it anyway .....aw!
I compare myself to the girls all the time (I am a attractive girl with small breast though) I have no doubt that my partner finds me attractive (otherwise we wouldn't do it 1-3 daily) but I know he likes big breasts and I can't stop thinking and compare myself to the big **** that pops into his face when he watch porn and it is something I don't have....
I'm going to confront him with it no doubt but I just want your opinion on this and maybe some reasons for why he still wants to watch porn even though our sex life is great?
I see this is an old post, but I want to put in my 2 cents..
I don't care for porn.. I think it can be degrading (and sad) to both men and women. I don't believe it is cheating. I think, in a committed relationship, honesty is key! Lying to your significant other about it is wrong and would cause that person to question the lying party's integrity.
I think communication is so important in a relationship. If you feel like you need to view porn because your bf\gf isn't fulfilling your sexual needs, speak up! I would be a little upset if my bf watched porn.. but he would be honest about it. He watched a lot of it when he was a teen, and he said he felt gross when he finished masterbating.
I don't see anything wrong with masterbation... its natural. Lying about porn and making excuses is not. Its especially wrong when they can't be intimate with their partner.
Porn can be so destructive in peoples lives.. it is really sad how many lives have been devestated because of it. Anyways, again... I don't believe it is cheating if you watch porn.. I don't like it, but we like what we like. And guys, if your girl isn't fulfilling your needs, speak up.. and girls, if its gone to the point where your man chooses porn over having sex with you... it is seriously time to re-evaluate your relationship...
Best wishes to everyone!
I have chiari malformation and less than a month ago had brain surgery.. if I sound all over the place or repeatative, that is why lol.
I don't care for porn.. I think it can be degrading (and sad) to both men and women. I don't believe it is cheating. I think, in a committed relationship, honesty is key! Lying to your significant other about it is wrong and would cause that person to question the lying party's integrity.
I think communication is so important in a relationship. If you feel like you need to view porn because your bf\gf isn't fulfilling your sexual needs, speak up! I would be a little upset if my bf watched porn.. but he would be honest about it. He watched a lot of it when he was a teen, and he said he felt gross when he finished masterbating.
I don't see anything wrong with masterbation... its natural. Lying about porn and making excuses is not. Its especially wrong when they can't be intimate with their partner.
Porn can be so destructive in peoples lives.. it is really sad how many lives have been devestated because of it. Anyways, again... I don't believe it is cheating if you watch porn.. I don't like it, but we like what we like. And guys, if your girl isn't fulfilling your needs, speak up.. and girls, if its gone to the point where your man chooses porn over having sex with you... it is seriously time to re-evaluate your relationship...
Best wishes to everyone!
I have chiari malformation and less than a month ago had brain surgery.. if I sound all over the place or repeatative, that is why lol.
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