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married life without sex
Hi i am married since 3 years 2 months and I would say absolutely so sex life. I am very romantic and i wanted to enjoy the life to fullest. But the problem is like, my wife is very fat and that too hanging fat. During engegement she was little plumy and I thougt she will have exercise and fit. but by marriage she put on a wit like any thing. She is less than 5 feet and now weihs about 67kg. Till today we attempted to have sex 6 or 7 times. I know she like it because I am very fit and fine. But even though I get into mood and approach her, the moment I touch her body I get dissappointed and I struggle to retain the mood and it comes down so fast. Not even single day I felt like getting tempted to her and kiss her and get into romatic sex. Its not than I am not healthy and I have a problem. I get tempted like a hell she would be sleeping next to me and doesn't feel like hug her.
I always think about sexual pleasure these days and with that I am getting into deppression.
i am also worried about her, and her desires. we never discussed about this and I know, its of no use since she can't change. so now I am loosing my focus on career, and very happy staying alone by killing sexual desire. Is there any medicene where in sexual desires can be killed and I should not get any feeling towards woman?
And i am in an environment where in I see beautifull babes with nice figure and very healthy... this kills me a lot.... and get deppressed.
I always think about sexual pleasure these days and with that I am getting into deppression.
i am also worried about her, and her desires. we never discussed about this and I know, its of no use since she can't change. so now I am loosing my focus on career, and very happy staying alone by killing sexual desire. Is there any medicene where in sexual desires can be killed and I should not get any feeling towards woman?
And i am in an environment where in I see beautifull babes with nice figure and very healthy... this kills me a lot.... and get deppressed.
You give men a bad name. First of all she is your wife and you loved her enough to marry her. If you find her unattractive because of her weight then talk to her about it. Communication is the key to every relationship. Don't make her feel bad about the way she looks but ask her if she is happy, if she wants to change anything. Maybe she needs help from you?
And get off your high horse, "I know she like it because I am very fit and fine". How do you know that? What if she faked everything with you? You don't know anything.
I am a man who married a women who was overweight to start with but I fell in love with her, not her body. She gained weight and I asked her if she was happy, and she was happy with us, she was not happy about her weight. I helped her lose weight and get down to a weight she was comfortable with. But if she was fine with her weight then I was fine with that. My love for her will never die and I find her more attractive now then I did when I first met her, not because of weight but because of the natural beauty she has.
And get off your high horse, "I know she like it because I am very fit and fine". How do you know that? What if she faked everything with you? You don't know anything.
I am a man who married a women who was overweight to start with but I fell in love with her, not her body. She gained weight and I asked her if she was happy, and she was happy with us, she was not happy about her weight. I helped her lose weight and get down to a weight she was comfortable with. But if she was fine with her weight then I was fine with that. My love for her will never die and I find her more attractive now then I did when I first met her, not because of weight but because of the natural beauty she has.
thank god somewhere said something!!! if you're THAT unattracted to your wife...save her the heart ache and divorce her. i had twins. i went from 120- 125 lbs to 240 and am back down to 140. i didn't loose weight for my husband. i lost it for my kids. i want to be able to play with them, take them for walks, to the park. if my husband was so disgusted by me that he couldn't touch me....we have a couch and extra blankets. women are NOT sex objects for their husbands. if she's overweight...oh well. perhaps she has a thyroid condition and CAN'T loose the weight. perhaps she's depressed by the way you act towards her. when i'm depressed....i eat. try being more positive towards her. ask her to go for a walk ...ask if she wants help working out. find out what is wrong and why she doesn't work out. maybe she's tired. maybe she's deficient in vital nutrients.
try thinking about her feelings.
try thinking about her feelings.
If you are so negative about your wife here she must feel like ****. Babies do change us. Having a baby and the fluctuating weight is traumatic for a woman and if your husband looks at you in disgust that is even worse. You get back what you put in and if you are feeling so negative and only seeing your wife as fat and unattractive then no wonder your sex life is not great. She deserves better. With support and positive attention she may be inspired to pay attention to her looks. She is a human being and not a robot. Sure be sucked in by those play bunny types who probably have diseases and no maternal instincts because they are so consumed with sex and drugs as opposed to normal healthy family dynamics. I am an attractive, fit 32 year old mother of 3 and No we are not sex objects for men. No we are not responsible for your feeling of "Poor Me". If you really feel you can do better, leave her so she can find someone who values all the good she does and who can nurture her into becoming a happier more self attentive woman. Negativity breeds contempt and shame on all those mothers out there who believe women should bow down to their men. In fact after childbirth, women should be respected and allowed to blossom. Water a plant and it will grow. pee on it and it will die. You hold the answers. be man enough to find them.
it sounds like there is a great dea of emotional heaviness (sadness) going on for you both.
the first thing I would suggest is that you and your wife get counseling: not talking about this issue is making it worse. for all you know it is the silence and lack of sex that is making your wife turn to food, just like you are getting depressed. for women, very often, depression and eating go hand in hand.
You can't kill the sex drive (well you shouldn't try to): it's one of the essential parts of what keeps us healthy.
how about changing your living style? even though you are fit, why not start taking walks in the evening and inviting your wife along--and talk to one another. buy a pair of bikes--not only exercise together but start enjoying companionship and stop tiptoeing around the problem. Start making healthier food choices for weight, heart, bloodpressure reasons...
it's great that you are so concerned about hurting your wife's feeling that you have pretended for three years, but you are hurting you and you are still hurting her. she certainly has noticed the lack of sex. she might be turning to food to comfort herself...you may be contributing to the problem. maybe the issue is you are both afraid to get close emotionally. so she eats which makes you avoid sex, which makes her eat, which turns you off and keeps you both silent and trapped right here, no getting closer, no going anywhere.
...sorry, my dictionary is not on and i am not english or american...
im ashamed to expose this problem of my marriage , but it resembles yours.
im a married woman , we have a child and my husband tells me every day he loves me.
but like your wife i put some 20 kg when i was pregnant and i look like a mushroom. a big one. when he first met me i was tall and slim, fit , hicking in the mountains....now, im not only fat, but i do not have the time or the mood to exercise, to get a nice haircut and so.
but the really big problem of our sex life was this: a short time before our wedding i found out , by chance that he likes things that i had never heard before. and im open minded , i had other relationships before and i do not get scared easily. i was shocked and didnt know how to react. he has a fetish for needles and cbt if you know what i mean. and he did this to himself. i do not think he did or does this with a woman. i always noticed he wasnt really satisfied after sex, but he wanted me, he loved me and i wasnt sure what to think. after i found out about the needles he said it was a thing of the past but i fear this will always be his way of feeling good.
btw, he was not on drugs, ever! i do not know where this issue started and how to react.
so, im not sure if is any reason to loose weight and look like years ago, because he will not notice this changes. i do not arrouse him either way. we sleep together, he is always tired , and we do it once a month or two months. it was incredible to me to realise my sex life is over. but i love him and my baby and we do not mention this problem so often.
what can i do? does anybody know something about this things? please help!!!!!
im ashamed to expose this problem of my marriage , but it resembles yours.
im a married woman , we have a child and my husband tells me every day he loves me.
but like your wife i put some 20 kg when i was pregnant and i look like a mushroom. a big one. when he first met me i was tall and slim, fit , hicking in the mountains....now, im not only fat, but i do not have the time or the mood to exercise, to get a nice haircut and so.
but the really big problem of our sex life was this: a short time before our wedding i found out , by chance that he likes things that i had never heard before. and im open minded , i had other relationships before and i do not get scared easily. i was shocked and didnt know how to react. he has a fetish for needles and cbt if you know what i mean. and he did this to himself. i do not think he did or does this with a woman. i always noticed he wasnt really satisfied after sex, but he wanted me, he loved me and i wasnt sure what to think. after i found out about the needles he said it was a thing of the past but i fear this will always be his way of feeling good.
btw, he was not on drugs, ever! i do not know where this issue started and how to react.
so, im not sure if is any reason to loose weight and look like years ago, because he will not notice this changes. i do not arrouse him either way. we sleep together, he is always tired , and we do it once a month or two months. it was incredible to me to realise my sex life is over. but i love him and my baby and we do not mention this problem so often.
what can i do? does anybody know something about this things? please help!!!!!
It is great that you are willing to make that sacrifise for her, but sex is a part of life and is a vital part of marriage. I hope you are able to work through this for both of your sakes.
Hi,
Thanks first of all,
I know, sex is not just physical, thats why I kept loving her till 3 years without even letting her know about the problem and never hurt her. I am only saying I am ok without pleasure.... but she has all the right..... to have it... thats my worry.... thanks for your concern.... and I will try my best....
Thanks first of all,
I know, sex is not just physical, thats why I kept loving her till 3 years without even letting her know about the problem and never hurt her. I am only saying I am ok without pleasure.... but she has all the right..... to have it... thats my worry.... thanks for your concern.... and I will try my best....
Sex is just not a physical thing, it is mental as well. If you are physically no longer attracted to your wife, then your mind will tell your body not to react. If you truely still love your wife, then I would suggest that you sit down with your wife and have a good heart to heart talk. Most women want their husbands to be attracted to them, and will do whatever it takes to make that happen. So without being critical of her, try explaining to her that her weight is a turn off for you and that you will help her in anyway you can to loses some of the weight so that you can both resume a active and loving sex life.
im am sorry youre having to deal w/ this. when people marry, i think it's their duty to keep themselves up and attempt to remain attractive to their spouses. it's not like you met her and she was large and now you're complaining. i know women go through the weight thing with childbearing and hormones but staying that way is unacceptable.
you may need to sit down and talk and discuss some of your concerns. mention her health and your dwindling sex life. maybe you could suggest/insist that she join you in walking each evening. you volunteer to do all the grocery shopping and buy delicious healthy foods for the household. continue to tell her she's beautiful and wonderful and even though you might not have much of a romantic inkling towards her now, pretend to be romantic and kiss and hug her up a lot. perhaps this will cause her to feel wanted, desired, anxious and proud to please you, her husband. hopefully this will help things
you may need to sit down and talk and discuss some of your concerns. mention her health and your dwindling sex life. maybe you could suggest/insist that she join you in walking each evening. you volunteer to do all the grocery shopping and buy delicious healthy foods for the household. continue to tell her she's beautiful and wonderful and even though you might not have much of a romantic inkling towards her now, pretend to be romantic and kiss and hug her up a lot. perhaps this will cause her to feel wanted, desired, anxious and proud to please you, her husband. hopefully this will help things
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