sweety i'm so sorry you're going through this =(
I, unfortunatly dont have any real answers for you on this topic. I just wantedt to say hang in there, getting cheated on *****, especially when you feel the other woman is more attractive... and especially when it's hard to get back into the swing of things =(
Have you sat your hubby down and bluntly told him how his change in the bedroom makes you feel? telling him "regardless of whether you think i'm being irrationnal or emotional, when you act that way it makes me feel undesired... you dont have to understand WHY i feel that way but you DO have to understand it's an issue. Now how can we fix it"
I'm sorry, i wish there was more i could say.
Good luck and keep your head up =)
First of all I would like to say that you are a very strong and caring woman to forgive such betrayal....I was thinking though... with the issue involving your husband saying sweet things to you before, during or after sex....maybe he doesnt want to say those things to you because he did say those things to the "other" woman....maybe that was his way of making you and "her" feel wanted and connected with him.... I know this doesnt benefit your needs and desires but if you try and think about it from his side.... he uttered those words to the woman he cheated with.... if he's trying to move past his betrayal and trying to make everything right with you again... maybe saying those things brings back what he did to you...I dont know....but I'm sure he loves you the same, he seems to be showing it in other ways....but if I were you and the "other" woman was telling me how he said those things to her... I would never want to hear anything like that come out of his mouth again....to me it would bring back the betrayal...all I would think about is "oh this is your technique"....Sorry personal opinion...
I just found this post today as I was searching for some help online and your story touched me deeply. Your post was 5 years ago and I wonder how you and your husband are doing. I sure hope he has come around to verbal reaffirmations of his love for you because I know how important they are to a survivor of an affair. My husband of 15 years cheated with my very best girlfriend. The affair lasted 8 months - we were social couples and she and I were inseparable together - sharing intimate details of all aspects of our life and kids including our sex lives - it all happened right under my nose I never noticed a thing.
We reconciled after the **** storm erupted and like your husband he worked very hard to do everything he could to reassure me. Like your slutty woman, my best friend has a body like a supermodel with fake ****. I had a lot of **** to work through. Proud to say I lost 60 lbs. I never spoke to her since the day I found out and haven't run into her either. There is no way I could have done what you did - confront her and ask the hard questions. There are just some things my mind could not let go of. I know that. But also, because of her betrayal - which in many ways I feel is even worse than the one my husband committed - I would probably just want to wrap my hands around her throat and break her neck, so giving her a moment of my time or even one word is too much of a waste of my time. She is worthless and deserves none of my attention.
Its been 2 years since the reveal, and we've had a really good run. Lots of intimacy, sexting, dates, better sex, strong future plans. I love him more than I ever did. I know he feels the same. BUT. That was then and this is now. As of late, the texting has slowed, the dates are infrequent now and impotency in the bedroom has increased. Also, he very rarely pleasures me - I'm talking once a month if that. Sex has decreased to once a week. I've stated my discomfort with all of this he just reassures me its pressure at work, not me, blah blah blah. He just left this morning for a golf trip with his male friends for 5 days and I initiated sex before he left but he couldn't get an erection. I fell into tears and was inconsolable, which is probably not the best thing - but ALL I can think of is he never would have not performed for her. I know thats not a fair comparison - an affair is a sexual energy completely different from real life - but still. I plan on calling our marriage counsellor for an appointment together - we stopped counselling over a year and a half ago. Maybe that will work but in the meantime I'm feeling too old to be wasting my time like this. I need to have better sex in my life I've wasted too much time already. Anyone have some advice?
Ageing does play havoc with sexual activities.If medial complications are ruled out, one can add few exercises to add vim and vigor to sexual activities. Male and female deer exercises, kegel exercises, Navel yogic lock, and others like kundalini yoga.You may find number of exercises to enhance sexual pleasure.
Kegel is quite popular for strengthening pelvic floor of a woman. It will be useful for man as well.One can kegel each other alternatively during intercourse. For man prostate internal and external massage can also be done to excite sexually.Cooperation from both the partner is reqired.
Your story reads so much like mine however the discovery of an affair is only one month old for me. I have been married 21 years this Nov.
I thought we had a good sex life before having our son and after he was born it was a rare occasion kind of sex-life. I always felt very connected to my husband regardless of the sex aspect which I know now was so wrong. I confronted him about our issues in the bedroom several times and he always pointed out my lack of initiation. I have to admit I thought about it but never saw why this would be such a deal breaker in the bedroom. I missed it and it made me very sad that we were not physical in bed other than cuddling.
After bringing the affair out in the open we agreed to start over. We gave our intimacy a jump start and sex is often and good. It has been a short time but the efforts on every level have been noticeable. I do have a big issue though he cant orgasm. At first he admitted that emotionally he is in a bad place. He is seeing a therapist weekly and I am hoping this will change.
I am an emotional roller coaster because some days I am obsessed with the person whom he had the affair with and also with everything to do with his on-line activities. I found dating services and other sexual content that I cant get out of my mind. I get that for years we were more friends than anything. How do I move forward!
I hope you can enlighten me. I realize your post is close to a year old, how are you doing today?
Google prostate massage. There are 4 types of massage. Read Anal Peripheral prostate massage. Do this massage to your partner, or let him do it . This massage will stimulate prostate, in turn he will be stimulating his sexual system.It is claimed that it is better than kegel massage for sexual recovery. He may also do male deer exercise.
My husband of 25 years cheated on me for 8 months and even left me for 7 weeks. It has been 7 months since his return and things are a rollercoaster. I always thought our sex life was great before his affair. We had a dry patch for a few months and he became so disconnected from me. Then he began cheating (I did not know). Now he is back and the sex is fantastic but he does have bouts of impotency that never occurred before the affair and he never initiates sex. Before affair--3 times a week. now? 3 times a month and it's always me initiating (it was twice a day the first three weeks he was back). I feel undesirable. I know the other woman isn't in the picture. He says that his eyes are opened to the "new" intimacies we have like holding hands and hugging. It just isn't enough for me. He is loving and thoughtful and apologetic but I feel like I am not enough. I am up for anything in the bedroom and he could take it or leave it. I wish this was an answer for you but at least you know youre not the only one. Sometimes I think it is the guilt that keeps him from initiating sex? sometimes I think the impotency is because he is thinking about her and the guilt sets in.......
I;m a 38 year old man married for close to 10 years that just recently learned of my wife having an affair with 2 different men one for 18 months and another for 6 months that she was doing drugs with. Both at the same time . I was devastated. The first man was getting high with my wife and tried having sex with her but she refused until he brought coke into the scene. They went on in their affair for 14 months. The other garbage was feeding my wife pain killers for sexual acts that lasted 6 months.We are getting divorced next month, the papers are signed and she is getting help for the drug problem in a good program. My wife doesn&amp;#39;t work, she had a lot of free time while I was working. My heart still hurts and my soul is bruised. I loved and provided for her the best way I could. We have a child and I&amp;#39;ll have soul custody til my wife shows me she can be trusted. We will revisit our marriage in a year or so if she proves to be faithful and clean from drugs. Does anyone have thoughts on this. The date today is 03/16/2017..
I'm sorry to see this article. I just came across this. Same as others it's commendable how strong you are. It seems that at that time your husband is still emotionally connected and still love the other women. It seems to me he isn't just doing his duty and is not in love with you. And Men will say I love you if they love you. You are not supposed to be left guessing. If you have given it enough time and he still has not come back, I would recommend leaving him. You deserve someone that will love you as much as you love him. or you will continued to be reminded that he loves someone else. If he has returned since then, I'm happy for you.
After reading all these stories, I just want to say, you all have my sympathy and are much better people than I. I've been married 22 yrs and my husband has always been faithful, and so have I. I love him more than anything, but if he were to cheat, we would be done. I dont know how a marriage can ever survive that kind of betrayal and I am in awe of those of you who are able to give second chances and try again, as I said, you are better people than me because I could not. I could never forgive that. It would kill me to leave my husband, but if he cheated, any attempt at trying to stay together would be pointless, I could never get past it and I know myself enough to know that. For those of you who were cheated on, my heart breaks for you and I hope you have found, or find, your happy. Best to all of you!!
He cheated on you. You shouldn’t have continued your marriage. And if he does make you feel desired then, leavehim. There are many fish in the sea.