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Why don't the thoughts go away?
I have been having suicidal thoughts for six months and have had made two attempts in the past five months, the first time my therapist rang the police and they found me, the 2nd time a family member found me the 2nd time i was hospitalized. I still have the thoughts, i hate being like this, does anyone feel like this and does it ever go away. I do suffer from depression and post traumatic stress and i am receiving therapy for this but i still have the thoughts, does it ever go away?
I refused meds and refused meds in hospital. There didn't seem much point though as I was restrained and given intra-muscular meds until I would comply.
From my position now I think taking something short-term can be useful. In your situation I would probably look at taking something for anxiety. I think once the anxiety is better managed you will be better able to assess your options. Sometimes everything just spirals out of control too because of fatigue. Anxiety, depression, etc can be exhausting. Really exhausting.
The place you are going too would probably be the equivalent of our crisis respite care.
I used that option once but became even more unwell. I was triggered by seeing people passively taking medications and behaving almost zombie like. I couldn't deal with the rubbish food they were dishing up either. There were long-term residents there and I was appalled by the lack of good nutrition.
I'm not a very social person and I didn't really respond too well to staff saying I had to interact with people talking to their apples and tv's.
Respite can be good depending on how it is structured and how you utilize it.
Sometimes it seems as though people, therapists, etc, don't really think. Not all suicidal people want too or can keep themselves safe. One has to feel in control (to a degree) to be able to access or initiate interventions.
It's an effort because emotionally you're not well contained.
Many people often appear more competent than they actually are and that can be a problem. Also some people seem quite insightful regarding some things and that can also work against them.
A staff member at the out-patient clinic I was going to for therapy told my therapist that I was well because I said hello to him. Does that even follow? I'm not typically a rude person and will acknowledge someone and hold a door open for them. That doesn't mean I am well though.
It's hard for a lot of people to have to deal with the consequences of mental illness and seemingly ill qualified and experienced staff.
I don't currently have a T. My last one left nearly two years ago. I am still waiting for a new one (who can treat me). I have been approved for an independent psych assessment some time. Hopefully the waiting list won't be too long.
I have learned a lot about myself through adversity and also by talking to experts on these forums. The doctor on the mental health expert forum is really good if you ever need advice.
No problem. Take care and if you do go away make sure you take advantage of what is being offered. Talk to the staff about thoughts, feelings and issues if need be. A break is sometimes better than anything. Relax and enjoy it.
From my position now I think taking something short-term can be useful. In your situation I would probably look at taking something for anxiety. I think once the anxiety is better managed you will be better able to assess your options. Sometimes everything just spirals out of control too because of fatigue. Anxiety, depression, etc can be exhausting. Really exhausting.
The place you are going too would probably be the equivalent of our crisis respite care.
I used that option once but became even more unwell. I was triggered by seeing people passively taking medications and behaving almost zombie like. I couldn't deal with the rubbish food they were dishing up either. There were long-term residents there and I was appalled by the lack of good nutrition.
I'm not a very social person and I didn't really respond too well to staff saying I had to interact with people talking to their apples and tv's.
Respite can be good depending on how it is structured and how you utilize it.
Sometimes it seems as though people, therapists, etc, don't really think. Not all suicidal people want too or can keep themselves safe. One has to feel in control (to a degree) to be able to access or initiate interventions.
It's an effort because emotionally you're not well contained.
Many people often appear more competent than they actually are and that can be a problem. Also some people seem quite insightful regarding some things and that can also work against them.
A staff member at the out-patient clinic I was going to for therapy told my therapist that I was well because I said hello to him. Does that even follow? I'm not typically a rude person and will acknowledge someone and hold a door open for them. That doesn't mean I am well though.
It's hard for a lot of people to have to deal with the consequences of mental illness and seemingly ill qualified and experienced staff.
I don't currently have a T. My last one left nearly two years ago. I am still waiting for a new one (who can treat me). I have been approved for an independent psych assessment some time. Hopefully the waiting list won't be too long.
I have learned a lot about myself through adversity and also by talking to experts on these forums. The doctor on the mental health expert forum is really good if you ever need advice.
No problem. Take care and if you do go away make sure you take advantage of what is being offered. Talk to the staff about thoughts, feelings and issues if need be. A break is sometimes better than anything. Relax and enjoy it.
It is actually very comforting to read what you have written because you sound like you really know what i am thinking and feeling. It is a respite place i went too and it is also a residental place there about 8 people who live there full time they are much worse than me and i didn't feel like i should have been there, i know i was going to be in a seperate apartment but i had to share and the other woman was not like me, i went on Friday and stayed 5 minutes i panicked and made my partner take me home, its a 40 minute drive from where i live and i am argraphobic so that scared me it just didn't suit me, i felt bad for wasting their time but i really couldn't have stayed i would have left in the middle of the night. The doors were alarmed but still opened and they came to check on you every two hours i could have got far in two hours.
I felt really suicidal yesterday so i rang my local mental health team like my therapist told me too she told me to take a bath to relax and put my pyjamas on and stay at home, they really don't understand but the distraction of talking to someone helped a bit. I actually preferred the hospital to that respite place i felt safer in hospital.
I don't find it easy to talk to people so i probably wouldn't have talked to the staff although they were nice.
I feel like i don't need medication that i will get better on my own but part of me is scared that maybe i am in denial of it and that i am sicker than i know or accept but then if i can think like that i must be ok right? I get so confused and hardly ever say what i need too i am afraid i want the feelings away but i don't want locked up but then i think what if i act on how i feel some day. I am exhausted, totally i just want to stay i bed but i have a family and i carry on for them but i think they are beginning to notice that i am not the same. I know something has to give somewhere and sometimes i wish i would take the medication but i know i won't.
You sound like you know yourself really well which is great and reading what you have written i can see that you understand alot better than any therapist i have ever met, i guess its because you have experienced it though. Thanks again
I felt really suicidal yesterday so i rang my local mental health team like my therapist told me too she told me to take a bath to relax and put my pyjamas on and stay at home, they really don't understand but the distraction of talking to someone helped a bit. I actually preferred the hospital to that respite place i felt safer in hospital.
I don't find it easy to talk to people so i probably wouldn't have talked to the staff although they were nice.
I feel like i don't need medication that i will get better on my own but part of me is scared that maybe i am in denial of it and that i am sicker than i know or accept but then if i can think like that i must be ok right? I get so confused and hardly ever say what i need too i am afraid i want the feelings away but i don't want locked up but then i think what if i act on how i feel some day. I am exhausted, totally i just want to stay i bed but i have a family and i carry on for them but i think they are beginning to notice that i am not the same. I know something has to give somewhere and sometimes i wish i would take the medication but i know i won't.
You sound like you know yourself really well which is great and reading what you have written i can see that you understand alot better than any therapist i have ever met, i guess its because you have experienced it though. Thanks again
OK but not OK. When I start thinking like that I am actually pretty unwell. I probably get a little paranoid too because I know I'm not well and not functioning but then I feel like I'm not sick enough to warrant interventions, etc. Or are really sick and don't want help but feel really hyped up/ agitated and out of control and know I need it.
I have hurt myself at times, I think, to get the support I need but can't ask for. Not too many people deny or reject a comatosed patient. The conditions some people put on support seem misplaced. Or maybe they are just my perceptions?
I don't know if anything I can say about meds will help. I personally are very anti-meds but because I have experienced such low moments, out of desperation I have trialled some. I take some medication occasionally for anxiety or to help me sleep. After months of 2 hrs sleep a night I feel pretty wasted (and desperate).
I sometimes wonder if me taking meds would have made a difference to the journey my recovery has since taken.
Are you able to ask for more intensive psychotherapy? At one point my therapist offered me three sessions per week. Those sessions are what have gotten me to where I am now. Before I started with her I was severely depressed and had given up. I don't expect it would have been too long before I did kill myself. My T was good but therapy was still hard.
If you are able too I would ask if you could access psychoanalytical psychotherapy. That is the type of therapy that I found made the greatest difference.
When I was unwell I had this saying that a prerequisite for becoming a mental health professional was stupidity. To me a lot of the stuff just seems like basic common sense.
I have learned a lot about myself through adversity. Most of that has been through the local mhs. I often wonder why they have a service because they are so useless. But then that gets confusing because it says a lot about me and my need as well.
There is a saying in mental health that you either become better or bitter.
If you have a good treatment team and learn to be accepting your quality of life can be dramatically improved.
If you are near Grimsby my ex-T is working at the new inpatient unit there. She is brilliant.
If you feel things are really bad again you could always admit yourself to hospital. In hindsight I think me talking to someone up at the hospital could have made a huge difference to my level of care.
I have hurt myself at times, I think, to get the support I need but can't ask for. Not too many people deny or reject a comatosed patient. The conditions some people put on support seem misplaced. Or maybe they are just my perceptions?
I don't know if anything I can say about meds will help. I personally are very anti-meds but because I have experienced such low moments, out of desperation I have trialled some. I take some medication occasionally for anxiety or to help me sleep. After months of 2 hrs sleep a night I feel pretty wasted (and desperate).
I sometimes wonder if me taking meds would have made a difference to the journey my recovery has since taken.
Are you able to ask for more intensive psychotherapy? At one point my therapist offered me three sessions per week. Those sessions are what have gotten me to where I am now. Before I started with her I was severely depressed and had given up. I don't expect it would have been too long before I did kill myself. My T was good but therapy was still hard.
If you are able too I would ask if you could access psychoanalytical psychotherapy. That is the type of therapy that I found made the greatest difference.
When I was unwell I had this saying that a prerequisite for becoming a mental health professional was stupidity. To me a lot of the stuff just seems like basic common sense.
I have learned a lot about myself through adversity. Most of that has been through the local mhs. I often wonder why they have a service because they are so useless. But then that gets confusing because it says a lot about me and my need as well.
There is a saying in mental health that you either become better or bitter.
If you have a good treatment team and learn to be accepting your quality of life can be dramatically improved.
If you are near Grimsby my ex-T is working at the new inpatient unit there. She is brilliant.
If you feel things are really bad again you could always admit yourself to hospital. In hindsight I think me talking to someone up at the hospital could have made a huge difference to my level of care.
Hi, my therapist has been really good, i see him sometimes twice a week from i started feeling suicidal it helps a bit i guess to have him there, he also got me a social worker as extra support. He wants to start therapy where i will see him everyday for a few hours a day for a week to see if it will help, i feel like i am a hopeless cause nothing works although i suppose i still haven't taken them. I had a really bad day i wanted to kill myself i ended up being so angry i threw all my stuff around my room, my partner then got angry and we rowed he doesn't understand i am so confused and i hate this, i got sicssors to cut my wrists but my partner got them and he went mad, but i don't care he keeps saying what about him but what about me i don't want to feel like this and i feel like i am loosing control a bit more everyday. I will talk to my social worker tomorrow to see what can be done, they need to listen i really can't take much more of this, i am so tired. I will think about the hospital some more although it scared me before but if it helped i would try anything.
Your T sounds as though he might have some ideas. Offering you that much support shows he realizes you need containment. I don't know if the way he is approaching it is necessarily the best way though. What happens after that initial week? It has the potential to create more problems. My T would have said that 50 minute sessions were enough. I don't know if anything is to be gained by the longer sessions. Maybe three sessions for a month or two (or three) would be more effective?
If you need to see him everyday for long periods then I think you probably need to be in hospital.
What aren't you feeling or saying? What is causing you to behave or react in this way? Can you put a thought or feeling to it or is it just a bunch of tension?
When you behave this way it means that you have a need that isn't being met? What is that need? The need to be heard, understood, have someone take responsibility, etc. What is it? What do you most want? I know you need this to stop. Maybe telling your T that would be enough. In my experience this crappy mood/ tension stuff continues until something happens to reduce it. Hurting yourself isn't an option so don't even bother going there.
Would having someone ask why you are so angry help?
What would have helped me in a similar state? Basic things like good sleep, nutrition, exercise, etc. You know, an anti-anxiety med would help dissipate this tension/ uneasy feeling quite quickly. I don't know why I never took meds when I was feeling that awful.
I think both you and your partner need to talk to your T or doctor. What's happening is dangerous. I know, I've been there.
Talk to your partner and tell him you can't cope, etc. You need to deal with this. There are both constructive and destructive ways to go about this. I would urge you to do what is most healthy or skillful. Even if you don't want to do it or feel like doing it. You will feel much better once you get appropriate support.
If you need to see him everyday for long periods then I think you probably need to be in hospital.
What aren't you feeling or saying? What is causing you to behave or react in this way? Can you put a thought or feeling to it or is it just a bunch of tension?
When you behave this way it means that you have a need that isn't being met? What is that need? The need to be heard, understood, have someone take responsibility, etc. What is it? What do you most want? I know you need this to stop. Maybe telling your T that would be enough. In my experience this crappy mood/ tension stuff continues until something happens to reduce it. Hurting yourself isn't an option so don't even bother going there.
Would having someone ask why you are so angry help?
What would have helped me in a similar state? Basic things like good sleep, nutrition, exercise, etc. You know, an anti-anxiety med would help dissipate this tension/ uneasy feeling quite quickly. I don't know why I never took meds when I was feeling that awful.
I think both you and your partner need to talk to your T or doctor. What's happening is dangerous. I know, I've been there.
Talk to your partner and tell him you can't cope, etc. You need to deal with this. There are both constructive and destructive ways to go about this. I would urge you to do what is most healthy or skillful. Even if you don't want to do it or feel like doing it. You will feel much better once you get appropriate support.
I met with my social worker today and told her what happened i also told her that sometimes i felt like no-one was listening so she asked what was it that i really needed to say, i told her that i feel so desperate to escape this and at times i will do anything to get away she asked did i want to go to hospital today but i said no its ok today she said if i ever feel like that again or if i don't feel safe from myself i need to contact them and tell them that i need to go to hospital she said that way the control stays with me.
I don't know what has caused all this i have always had anxiety and panic for years them i can deal with but i was diganosed with major depressive disorder and ptsd in December and it has all been downhill since then. They upped my support because in November i went away with the intention of killing myself the police brought me back and in January i went missing for 10 hours i had the medication to do it just not the guts then i ended up in hospital. My therapist is wanting to start therapy for trauma from my past but i'm not in a stable place he wants me to stay in one of the respite places so he knows i am safer when he does the therapy i'm not sure i can cope with it even there, i can walk out of there but i am sure they will be aware of that.
I can't put a thought to the feeling, maybe anger, frustration, sadness, hopeless and iuseless i feel them all, I thought after being in hospital that i wouldn't feel like this anymore i didn't have the guts to do it so why do i still want to do it? My personaility has totally changed in the past few months i forget everything and lose concentration in everything, my mind has to be doing something all the time, i can't relax, i am driving my partner mad because i won't tell him anything but i don't want to burden him. I will consider admitting myself the next time i get like that, if i can when i feel that way i am so angry i don't want help i want it to go away. Thankyou for your advice it really helps, i know i need to do something and soon.
I don't know what has caused all this i have always had anxiety and panic for years them i can deal with but i was diganosed with major depressive disorder and ptsd in December and it has all been downhill since then. They upped my support because in November i went away with the intention of killing myself the police brought me back and in January i went missing for 10 hours i had the medication to do it just not the guts then i ended up in hospital. My therapist is wanting to start therapy for trauma from my past but i'm not in a stable place he wants me to stay in one of the respite places so he knows i am safer when he does the therapy i'm not sure i can cope with it even there, i can walk out of there but i am sure they will be aware of that.
I can't put a thought to the feeling, maybe anger, frustration, sadness, hopeless and iuseless i feel them all, I thought after being in hospital that i wouldn't feel like this anymore i didn't have the guts to do it so why do i still want to do it? My personaility has totally changed in the past few months i forget everything and lose concentration in everything, my mind has to be doing something all the time, i can't relax, i am driving my partner mad because i won't tell him anything but i don't want to burden him. I will consider admitting myself the next time i get like that, if i can when i feel that way i am so angry i don't want help i want it to go away. Thankyou for your advice it really helps, i know i need to do something and soon.
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