40 and frustrated

[blossom0730]

I am 40 yrs olf and my husband and I have been ttc. I was really disappointed today (of all days...Mother's Day) when I started my period after our second round of iui. I have two kids and he has a daughter but we have only been married a little over a year and would like to have a child together. All tests seem to be normal so the only thing that I can contribute our struggle with is my age. I am not going to lie, I am scared and frustrated that having a child may not happen for us. My husband is very positive and I am trying to be but it's difficult. Two months ago we did the iui for the first time. We were so excited because I felt like I might have been pregnant but I started my period (of all days) on our 1 year anniversary!

I am willing to do whatever it takes but I sure would like a friend who understands what I am going thru! : (  Also, any suggestions would be helpful. I too am tired of hearing about the statistics of women our age who (because of our age) are not likely to conceive. I know that I am rambling...I just want to cry right now! I am sad. I need someone to talk to. My husband is awesome and totally supportive but I need to talk to someone who is feeling what I feel!

Help! : (

[sue68]

Hi there,

I read your post yesterday and another one - replied to you both - see post titled : Support group......pushing age 43  by kk619.

I'm not in the same shoes as you - I didn't have children and had been ttc'ing for a while ( dh and I have been together since late 80's ).  But, I understand the urgency you feel and frustration and heartache and all  those "what if's" that scare you and you try hard not to think about them.  You try to keep your hopes up but, hearing all these negative comments and statistics don't help.  I got pg naturally at 40. Sadly I m/c'd.

I don't know if it made a difference but, someone I'd met who had multiple m/c's told me about low dose/ baby aspirin.  But don't self medicate - talk to your doctor about this first in case it is not for you.  I had gone in to get results of blood tests and asked him about it - he okayed it and I took it until he told me to go off it.  I gave birth to my son almost 11 months ago - I recently turned 43. I just want to tell you don't give up. Its hard, I know - but you're still able to do it. All it takes is that one good egg and that one good swimmer.  I met someone on MedHelp who had her share of losses and several rounds of IUI - and she just gave birth to a baby boy.  She is also 43.  So you see - don't give up hope.  You already have children so you know you can do it again. Its just a matter of time.  Good luck to you - hope you and your dh will be blessed soon.  

[kristine625]

I know exactly how you feel.  We started ttc when I was 38.  We didn't get married until I was 36, first marriage for both of us and first child for both.  We went through eeeeeverything.  All tests came back normal.  Not a thing wrong with either of us.  
We tried Clomid, then went to injectibles with IUI, then we tried one IVF.  None of that got us pregnant.

Two months after our failed IVF and trying to come to terms with the fact that we may be a childless couple.... preggo.  All on our own.  I am scheduled to deliver on Tuesday via c-section.  It's a boy.  I am 41 years old.

I have to say (my  humble opinion) something no one ever really told me.... really, if all tests are showing nothing wrong with you guys, your periods are regular, you are ovulating, if all this stuff is aligned then you DEFINITELY still have a chance of getting pregnant and having a baby.  And I want to go so far as to say you probably will, but with time.  it's annoying but it takes time.

My RE was honest enough with us to say, all along the way, we could do "nothing" (in other words no fertility treatments) and get pregnant because he knew he couldn't find a reason why we couldn't carry to term.

Now, I had an issue with 4m/c within 18 months prior to starting fertility treatments.  But again, they never found a reason for all the m/c.  And once we STARTED the fertility treatments we STOPPED getting pregnant.

Hang in there.  Easier said than done.  Age is a bunch of malarky.  Unless, again there is a glaring reason, i.e. you've started menopause, if you're tubes are blocked, etc.  If there is no medical or glaring reason why you can't... then remember, you CAN!  Good luck.

[creativemack]

Hello!

I am so sorry you are struggling and if it's any consolation....I am in the same boat with you. I too am at the 40 mark and to be honest, most of my friends have children graduating high school while my husband and I are trying to start a family. Even the fertility doctor we went to in our city said,"hmm, most people STOP having children your age." Well thanks for the confidence and encouragement pal. Anyway, we went out of the country for IVF. Unfortunately the cycle failed....but we had a nice vacation out of it. I have to find humor because I too understand I'm up against a wall that can't revserse the clock....so all I can do is try and be cautiously optimistic. But just wanted to let you know that you are not alone! :)

[mjmom69]

I'm sorry the IUIs didn't work for you. That doesn't mean it still can't happen. Try not to get down and keep doing what you're doing. If you can't afford IVF, you might try IUI again. I've heard it takes 3 times to work sometimes. And 3 could be your lucky number! Good luck to you.

[lynnanda]

I think at 40 you probably have an extremely good chance at IVF if you all can afford it.  Has your husband been checked?  Be glad you're not 50 in the same situation like I am.  Just keep trying and don't let all the negative stuff get to you if possible.  I know that's hard cause it sure gets to me but I would love to be your age and trying ;-)  I say you definitely have a chance!  Good wishes!