Hi Ladies....last night and today have been rough for me. I won't write too much because I'm so full of worry and I don't want to focus on it, but I wanted to write you'll so that you can keep me in positive thoughts and prayers...especially now. I started spotting yesterday evening, and my husband and I went to the emergency room. around 7:30 pm. He was worried that something could be wrong with me..not just the baby. Sorry for TMI...but...we had sex Sun nite and we both felt comfortable with it, and I guess subliminally I was hoping that all would be ok too. I really don't believe one night of romance with the man I love could cause a problem like this...could it? We've had it before, and always keeping in mind the little one on the way. I'm just so worried, and numb to myself. Was I wrong? My husband cried when I told him last night...he said is "this my fault"? He does'nt want me to go through another mc. We both are in pretty bad shape, wishing we could change things back. But we can't. I'm still spotting today..lightly, but still I am. Doc put me on bed rest, and I see my OB on this Thurs 3/17.
Back to last night, the E/R doctor did blood work and ultrasound. hCG blood level has risen since last week (was 640), now it's at a little above 1400. The ultrasound was still just the gest sac, and he said he thinks I'm @ 6 wks and too soon to see yolk and fetal pole. Awful long wait in that cold room last night. Wanted to be home in my warm bed having a normal night with hubbie. Not so. We got home around 2 am this morning. Way too long at hospital.
So today I've been resting...and wondering. It seems like a bad dream, and I want to wake up from it. Still believing I may be one to become a Mommy...praying this baby makes it. Just don't know and God's love seems a little distant now. I know he's here...just seems like my world is spinning and upside down. So much joy one moment, and feeling so unsure the next. Don't know how to focus. I've been here before, want to believe it'll be different this time What could I have done and can I do now to help me and my baby....these thoughts are on my mind.