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Can i stop being gay

When i was young like 9 or 10 one of my club friends was 16 he ****** mee but i was a kid and didn’t understand anything it happened 2 times with him and 2 times with his friend and in my old school me and other two boys would kiss each other , when puberty hit i masturbated on straight porn for a long time than by accident i opened gay porn and started masturbating on it it got me on for a while that i wanted to experiment i called that boy who ****** me while i was young we ****** again but i didn’t feel anything or enjoyment and went home that day so happy that i wasn’t gay , but when he called me again after a month i don’t know why but i agreed to meet him again , i started masturbating on online video chats and things like this and i enjoy it but after i cum i feel so bad and ashamed and when i remember what i was masturbating on i feel so disgusted, i’m in a country were i can’t be gay culture wise or religion wise , i don’t want to be gay and i don’t know if i’m like this gay or bi but whatever i don’t want to be like this as if it was just culture or religion i’m now 16 and going to study abroad and then live in usa or Europe so that won’t be a problem but deep down inside me i don’t want to be gay at all and i get disgusted from myself so please can you help me on how to stop masturbating on gay videos or masturbating at all and how to get all those gay thoughts out of my head , i blocked that boy’s number and deleted it so i can’t call him again he tried to reach to me on social media but i blocked him on it also
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3191940 tn?1447268717
You cannot stop being who you are - you can't stop having the color of eyes or skin that you have, and you can't stop being homosexual, heterosexual, bisexual, or whatever your sexuality may be.  

Having said that, you are young.  Many people your age, and even people of any age, can have questions about their sexual orientation.  This is not a great time in your life to focus a lot of thoughts on what your sexual orientation may be.  This IS a great time to  focus on accepting whoever you may become - as auntiejessi said, a great time to be kind to yourself, and learn to love yourself.  It is also a great time to focus on the future that you want for yourself.  If sounds like you want to travel and eventually live elsewhere.  That means you should be focusing on your education.  It is much easier to travel and live elsewhere if you are educated or have valuable skills.  Put your mind and effort toward that goal.

It is hard for me to accept a religion that makes you feel like you are wrong, just for being who you are.  Religion is supposed to make your life better, not worse.

As auntiejessi said, please stop watching the videos.  You could get in legal trouble for doing that, and pornography videos are NOT a realistic representation of sex.  Also, spending your time watching those videos is not a good use of your time, and should not be the focus of your life at this age.  

Be good to yourself, and focus on the important things in your life.
Helpful - 0
207091 tn?1337709493
I'm so sorry these things have happened to you.

I think it's really important to separate your sexual feelings today from what happened to you when you were so much younger. Those weren't actual sexual experiences - that was something you couldn't consent to.

What happens to us as kids can play a role in how we view our sexuality, and maybe you would have found yourself attracted to other boys anyway, but those experiences don't make you gay.

I think you should stop doing the online video things. First, I don't know where you are, but in most places, at your age, it's illegal for you to do that, but more importantly, it's making you feel terrible after. :(

So far, all you've experienced is sexual activity with other males. You like it. That's okay. You're young - everything is hot, sexy and fun when you're young. Have you found yourself attracted to any girls? Tried anything with girls?

Religion is a tricky subject, and I won't get into whether or not your religion is right - that's up to you to decide. I don't personally think God makes us in ways he doesn't want us to be, and doesn't want us to hate ourselves, but that's something you need to work through for yourself with your religion.

Being gay or bi, if you are and you don't really know this yet, isn't bad, and it isn't a choice, but don't worry about that part yet. What you do now doesn't determine who you are in a year, 5 years, 10 years.

Since you're in a place where being gay or bi is so bad, I imagine it would be hard to get counseling for this. I'm glad you are reaching out here. When you get to the US or Europe, maybe you will view things differently, and can get counseling then.

For now, just focus on being really kind to yourself. What would you tell me in the same situation? Would you shame me? If you wouldn't, don't shame yourself.

It's obvious that you're a smart guy with a big future if you're going to travel, and you're taking time to work through this. Just be kind to yourself while you do all that. Things have a way of working themselves out.
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