My life is normal. I'm sixteen in two weeks. I've got family and a close friend. I've been hit...often..when I was younger. I've been bullied before. My family calls me names and thinks I'm crazy and thinks that I'm "Devon's daughter with a black heart". Other than that, I have a pretty fair life. I'm socially awkward, a sociopath. No friends but that one close friend whom I knew since I was in first grade. She has depression--for the right and good reasons (parents divorced, no friends, horrible abuse, cutting, etc.). I have fair enough grades. But as I grow older, I become more sentimental. I cry and have emotional breakdowns. I try to hide it from my family. I often thought about hanging myself. I live with guilt that I once almost killed my brother. I have the most gruesome thoughts and dreams, thoughts and dreams of a psycho serial killer. Alone in my house sometimes, I talk to myself. I laugh to myself. If I let my family know that I'm weeping, they'd look at me as if I'm not part of them; I know that. I tried telling my mother that I feel like I have emotional problems; I was brought at once to the therapist. After one sedition, I pretended that I'm all fixed up even though I'm not, just so I don't have to go through that again. After that, I'm "numbing myself". I hate everyone. I can't show any affection. I have conversations with invisible people. I don't see a point in my life. It's the same everyday: wake up, eat breakfast, school, lunch, go home, shower, homework, dinner, sleep, and repeat. I can't stand it.
Do I have depression? If so, is it possible for me to get through without any help?
Or am I just slowly going crazy? A crazy girl who's conscience that she's going crazy?