I like feeling ugly. I don't want to feel beautiful. When people compliment my personality and looks I feel disgusted and angry, like "how blind are you?". I never believe it and I don't want to. I don't want help and I feel fine the way I am. I do envy those I find beautiful but I don't really want to change my self esteem.
And as I am writing this I guess I feel that way because of my past, when I was molested at eight years old. I think I despise being beautiful because I don't want anyone to use me.