So i dont know where to start. This is my first journal entry or diary or whatever the **** you wanna call it. I dont really know what to write so i guess ill start with my girlfriend..
So her names hailey and she around 5'6, blonde hair, blue eyes and the most perfect thing ive ever seen. weve been dating for about 3,4 months and ive loved every second of it. shes technacally my first girlfriend too. I dunno if its just young stupid love or something else, probably my naivety, but i love her to death more than anything else. we dont have anything in common, which some people dont understand, but it works for us cause it makes things interesting. another thing i should add is, i havent told any one in my family. this is because my dad got a girl pregnant at 16 and doesnt want me to ruin my life. he thinks he did which he didnt since i have 3 awesome sisters and a brother. i can understand why my dad is paranoid, but my mother i do not. i can honestly say that my mom does a lot of **** for me, but its like she throws it all away because apparently im a "*******".she called me this tonight because we got into a fight. again. weve been fighting for at least 3 years now and its always cause of school and girls. who ever reads this must be wondering "oh your probably failing thats why she hates you" or "bring your grades up to make her happy jackass," but i assure you that my marks are 90% +. i dont mean to brag but i am very intelligent (despite my poor spelling and grammar in this journal) and i get great marks on everything, except for my english mark which is a 84% other than that im pretty solid with my education. whenever we fight my dad always asks "are your numbers high?" hes an immigrant from greece so he doesnt know english very well. and i always tell him yes. because they are! like apparently my marks are just not good enough for my mom. which pisses me off becaue they are better than my sisters who is in medical school right now. my mother never lets me hangout with friends, she monitors all of my social network accounts, she makes me study since the time i get home till 1:00 in the morning. if i do poorly on a test i loose every single priveledge i have. this includes my phone, my guitar and my iPod. and other things she thinks of. i know this sounds stupid and me being winey and disrespectful but its gotten to the point where i have actually started thinking to myself that i hate her. i try to be a good son i really do, but to her i should be ashamed of myself. shes told me to my face before that she doestn trust me and she thinks im a terrible son. i dont mean to get angry but shes so unreasonable about everything. she doest even give me my own space. which i know sounds bad, but like im not allowed to go anywhere, she never lets me go on bus to school, she doesnt trust me when im at school, she thinks im going to skip classes and stuff, she thinks im a drug addict, when i have never done drugs and she thinks im always on facebook and twitter and instagram, when i dont even have twitter or instagram. i just feel helpless and like family memebers have tried to talk to her but shes so stubborn. if i told her that i had a girlfriend then shed just make me break up with her. and like shed have ways of me never even seeing her at school ever again. like all i want is to be left alone to do my own thing. like i can cook, i can clean, i can do my work, soon ill be able to drive and i dont do anything wrong. like she actually has no reason of not being able to trust me. i dont understand how my sister has pictures of her being drunk and drinking all over Facebook and im not even allowed to see the one person i like being around? were not even sexually active or anything. like i confront my mother about it too, and she just says get into medical school and you can do whatever you want. which i dont understand since my other siblings have been doing all they want all their life. it just annoys me how im not allowed to walk down the street to see someone for like an hour and come back, but my sister is allowed to drink and go wild. my mother also praises her and gives her anything she wants and i get told every day that she cant trust me and that i should be ashamed of myself for being a terrible son. i just dont understand why the **** she is the biggest ***** i know. i really dont because i try so hard to appeal to her and i get **** back. In a nutshel my mother violates my personal space, she favoratizes my sister, she undermines me, she demeans and critisizes me, she makes me look crazy when i complain to my dad, she lies all the time and i know it, she manipulates my emotions so i feel bad about her, she attacks and terrorizes me (not physically now since i have gotten bigger, but she use to hit me), shes very infantile and petty, shes very aggressive, she "parentifies," she is never wrong about anything apparently, she has no awareness of my feelings, she blames me all the time, and whenever she knows im right she begins to cry to manipulate my father . I just dont know what to do anymore and sometimes i wish i would never wake up.