All Alone

[Grace1000]

For al long time i haven't been myself. I have been quiet and lonely and really sad. In primary school i was bullied and because of that i have found high school really difficult. The bullying wasnt really terrible but it effected me so much more than i realise. I just want to cry all of the time and i just feel so sad and lonely. i dont have many friends at school and the ones i have are horrible to me. But i have lots of best friends out of school at my church. However i dont see them very often and things have changed so much that we dont really know each other properly anymore so its not the same. So i dont really have any proper friends anymore. All this and stress form exams and stuff going on at home has really been getting me down but even when i have had a really good day and things are looking up i still want to cry, but not for any reason really. I dont like the way i look and i have an unusual name that everyone teases me about. I could never get a boyfriend in a million years either and my social life is very nearly non- existent. And when my mom caught me crying and i said i was like that all the time she said she was a bit worried about me cause i might have depression. She forgot all about it but its stuck with me. But i thought that maybe i just wanted something to be wrong with me so that it wasnt just me, so i told myself i didnt have it and that it was just in my mind. But one time my parents were out and i looked on the internet a i took an online test thing that asked me ten questions and i had to answer them truthfuly and i did. You have to answer Yes or No and i answered 7 questions Yes and it said i needed to seek medical advice. But i didnt really believe it so i searched for more and i did others but they all came out the same so i thought maybe i did have it. I wanted to tell my mom but i couldnt, i dont know why but i just couldnt. And then i was going to tell my friend as we have been opening up to each other about our problems but i couldnt tell her either. I dont know what to do. I just want to stop being so sad and tired and lonely. But i dont want to have something wrong with me, i just want to be able to get on with my life finish high school and get on with my life, but then what if im still going to be like this then, what if the future isnt going to be better? im just really confused and i just want to know the truth about it

[jcnconnect]

Try not to care about what other people think, be yourself. Get Tyrosine this really helps. Friends that are not friendly to you are not friends. Dont try to get friends. Just dont try at all, be yourself. Dont contest anything negative or run away from it. If someone picks on you dont try to make a comeback and dont run away from it. Be the mature person. Be philosoical and think alot. Try to surrond yourself with positive thinks. Try not to care what friends and family think about you. You are You. There is a reason that you took those tests for depression. And it is not an obious reason. And yes contiouslty and socially you can say you dont want anything to be wrong with you and yet subcontiously you can want there to be something there, you dont want to have something wrong, but you want something. Since you are kinda lonely your mind really looks mental attention. Dont take that the wrong way. Please DONT STAND UP FOR YOURSELF IMMATURLEY. dont run away. Bullies have a simpathetic side - bring it out without being 'dorky'. Dont fight them cause thats what they want, and dont run away cause that is also what they want. Both ways empower them. Be mature. Hope this helps.

[fung]

I'm so sad to read how you are feeling but it's not uncommon for teenage your age feeling that way. It seems that you have a good sense of awareness for yourself, it's a very good sign.  Dont stay  in your room all the time.  you need  to go out  and  find  outdoor activities like joining a sport club. Make your physique tired so when you get home, what you wanna do in your room is  sleep. Start to contact a friend that you most comfortable with-may be one of your church group?Ask her to join  outdoor activities together. . Bullying is happened to people with low self-esteem. You have to stand up for your self. Dont let anybody else  threaten you. They are no better than you. You sure have so many capabilities in you that you can not see now. Engaging in many activities will make you see what you are capable of. You are still young, you have a lot of time to explore. Good Luck.

[soniq0491]

I am the exact same way! I find it very hard to talk to people and i only have one real friend who i never see. I try to avoid people as much as i can but it pains to see other people get along with others when i cant. Ive grown to be anti social and mostly just play video games or watch movies in my bedroom. ive dropped some classes in my final year just to get away a little more. Last year I was in hospital because i overdosed because my gf wanted nothing to do with me and it hurt alot. ive been pretty much like that since then, but a little before. i guess what happened didnt help it. But ive always seemed to not be albe to talk to people, or keep a conversation because either the other people dont care or i cant think of anything. it sounds simple but its not :/

[Jimmy223]

I'm not sure about this but I think might have trouble keeping friends too lol. The first one i realized must have some sort of problem cus no matter what I do he always ruins it and yeah i put up with it for a couple years but after I couldnt stand it anymore and just left him. The second just sort of grew apart from me because my other friends dont like it rude jokes and we were both really into computer games then when i realize im starting to get addicted i quit but my friend however would never stop talking about it and wont do anything else but play that game when we hang out. the third abandoned me because he was getting so over obsessed with this chick. I mean yea she's pretty and nice but dude you are around her 24/7 and so I can't even wave at you without interrupting your flirt parade and getting the "go away stare" so it ended. the fifth just started keeping away from me and I dont even know why, one day he and his other friend just started to  whispers to each other and then look at me and then laugh and it happened more often I ask "what" they say "nothin" it happens so much that I just gradually stopped hanging out with them because I feel like some weirdo alien when im with them.

[Grace1000]

thnx, that did help, i can't really say that i have much to say as everything is still sinking in or something. I just guess i keep thinking that this can't be happening, i can't have something like depression. Things like this never happen to me, they happen to other people, but never me. Ive been felling better recently, but i know it won't last, i think its just that there have been more things to distract myself with, more things going on than how i feel all the time. Not that thats a very good sloution cause its still there, and when it isn't i have a horrible feeling cause i know that my happiness is limited, tomorrow might be a bad day, or the day after, or the day after that. But i dont get this so much anymore because its harder to distract myself and theres not much i want to disract myself with, loss of interest and all that. Im rambling on a bit now so i just want to say thnx again. It helps to be able to say the things i want to say without anyone i know knowing ive said it, if you know what i mean. anyway...

[AddictivePersonality212]

wow i  have felt like that, their could be a hundred people next to you and you can be talking to 10 or 15 of them and yet you still feel so alone? Well atleast i feel that way i don't have a problem making friends, i have lots of those but i have a huge problem keeping them. No  matter what i do i end up hurting them leaving them behind, either they abandon me or i abandon them. I feel like i dont matter ect. Im not sure what to say but if you realize that you have a problem or that somethings holding you back, then you should seek treatment for it. Im going to suggest talking to people if you want you are more than welcome to talk to me, im always on, i tend to be like a lil psychologist although i cant solve my own problems i find that im good at giving advice to other especially with things ive felt and im still feeling, Even if your shy i feel that my words may be able to build up some confidence bc you seem to have low self esteem, dont worry i have that too but i get a feeling that if you trust me that i can maybe help :) but thats just a suggestion i understand if you dont want to now your other options would be to look for a therapist, not a psychiatrist he will only put you on anti depressants that sometimes make matter worse or make you Dependant off of them. Popping pills isnt always a good idea although some people may need it i dont think we do i think were both intelligent girls i can tell by the way you wrote the first thing that came into my head was that you were intelligent and that if you really wanted to you could overcome this. please message me i feel i may be of some help.