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Bad Experience with Cystoscopy
I am male, currently early 30s. When I was a child (c.12) I had a cystoscopy performed in a urologist's clinic. It was one of the most painful experiences in my life. Twenty years later I still have bad flashbacks to it, and sometimes it's like I can still feel the tube being pushed through various gateways of pain as it goes deeper inside. It felt like being raped.
Should the procedure be painful? When I read about it online they say "some discomfort". Is that just a euphemism? Should it hurt that much? Has the procedure changed substantially since the late 80s when this was done?
This was the second time I'd had the procedure done. The first time was in hospital under general to test bladder capacity. That was fine. I'm not sure why it was done a second time under different circumstances.
How often do people get bad psychological reactions to the procedure like this? Is it common for boys to experience the penetration of the penis as being akin to a sexual attack? Why is it still affecting me after all these years?
Should the procedure be painful? When I read about it online they say "some discomfort". Is that just a euphemism? Should it hurt that much? Has the procedure changed substantially since the late 80s when this was done?
This was the second time I'd had the procedure done. The first time was in hospital under general to test bladder capacity. That was fine. I'm not sure why it was done a second time under different circumstances.
How often do people get bad psychological reactions to the procedure like this? Is it common for boys to experience the penetration of the penis as being akin to a sexual attack? Why is it still affecting me after all these years?
My situation is very similar to yours. I too. had bladder cancer, which was discovered after my urologist did a cystoscopy back in April. He performed surgery a couple of weeks later and successfully removed the tumor. I am about to have my first follow-up cystoscopy next week. However, unlike your experience I felt about 30 seconds of excruciating pain the first time I had the procedure done. They applied the numbing gel but that of course, did nothing to relieve the pain when he pushed the instrument through my prostate. I did my best to relax while I dug holes through the sheet with my fingers. I have been trying to convince my doctor to at least give me some kind of sedative this time, but he hasn't been very understanding. I probably need to be more insistent about it.
Wow, I just read these posts, and I'm shocked but a little relieved that other people have had similar experiences. I can really relate to what Derinorsenpol wrote. When I was about 3 in the early 70s, I had a cystoscopy. I remember it clearly, and it's one of my earliest and most traumatic memories. I can still picture it. The bright lights over me. My legs spread while people "worked on" me in a place that no one was supposed to be touching. I remember having the idea that I could not move, because if I did move, they would hold me down (I don't remember being told that, but it was a clear though in my head). I remember the scope and a rubber tube coming out of it. (Okay, just describing it, I started feeling sick). All I remember being told was that I had to have a "test" and afterward, when I felt so upset, I remember my Mom saying not to be a baby, and it was "just a test." So I never talked about it, but I thought about it all the time. I was so ashamed whenever I thought about it.
When I learned that kids older than me who were already in school sometimes had "tests" in school, I remember feeling terrified of one day having to go through that "test" in school when I got older. To me, that's what the word "test" meant.
I must have experienced some physical arousal during the procedure, because after that, I started masturbating a lot (what seems like "a lot" to me, for a little girl who had never been sexually abused). I remember whenever I would see something medical on TV or in a magazine, especially when someone had to lie on a table to get examined under bright lights, and I'd have to go into my room to masturbate. I always just figured I was some kind of freak as a kid. That made me more ashamed.
I'm a generally healthy well-adjusted adult, so I don't want to exaggerate any trauma I went through, but it did affect me for a long time. Even in adulthood, I would find myself sometimes having to fantasize about medical stuff in order to completely enjoy sex. I would never tell anyone that, because it sounds so twisted and freaky. I'm okay with GYN exams, but I remember the intense fear I had before my first GYN exam, which was totally out of proportion to what it actually ended up being like.
I truly think that if I were ever told to get a cystoscope again, I would refuse it, even if I possibly had a serious issue. I'd rather be cut open.
When I think of the memory, I feel a combination of fear, violation, pain, with weird "excitement," and a "sick and dirty" guilty feeling like many sexual abuse survivors describe. Even today, in my 40s, I can see an image of a medical instrument, bright examination lights over a medical table, or a GYN table, and I get a weird, sinking, nauseous, guilty, scared feeling in my stomach. Since I understand where it came from, I cope with it, but it still bugs me.
I wonder about so many other people who had this done as small children, and the trauma they must have experienced. I mean, I had a normal upbringing with an intact family and no abuse or other trauma; I can't imagine what that kind of experience (the cystoscopy) is like for a child who also had other traumas in life.
Yes, a lot of medical procedures can be "invasive," but this was something incredibly frightening and painful, that made me feel ashamed and "dirty" afterward, from the age of three. They definitely should put kids under a general anesthetic for that procedure, or at least give them enough valium to be totally doped up.
Anyway, at least there are others in the same boat.
When I learned that kids older than me who were already in school sometimes had "tests" in school, I remember feeling terrified of one day having to go through that "test" in school when I got older. To me, that's what the word "test" meant.
I must have experienced some physical arousal during the procedure, because after that, I started masturbating a lot (what seems like "a lot" to me, for a little girl who had never been sexually abused). I remember whenever I would see something medical on TV or in a magazine, especially when someone had to lie on a table to get examined under bright lights, and I'd have to go into my room to masturbate. I always just figured I was some kind of freak as a kid. That made me more ashamed.
I'm a generally healthy well-adjusted adult, so I don't want to exaggerate any trauma I went through, but it did affect me for a long time. Even in adulthood, I would find myself sometimes having to fantasize about medical stuff in order to completely enjoy sex. I would never tell anyone that, because it sounds so twisted and freaky. I'm okay with GYN exams, but I remember the intense fear I had before my first GYN exam, which was totally out of proportion to what it actually ended up being like.
I truly think that if I were ever told to get a cystoscope again, I would refuse it, even if I possibly had a serious issue. I'd rather be cut open.
When I think of the memory, I feel a combination of fear, violation, pain, with weird "excitement," and a "sick and dirty" guilty feeling like many sexual abuse survivors describe. Even today, in my 40s, I can see an image of a medical instrument, bright examination lights over a medical table, or a GYN table, and I get a weird, sinking, nauseous, guilty, scared feeling in my stomach. Since I understand where it came from, I cope with it, but it still bugs me.
I wonder about so many other people who had this done as small children, and the trauma they must have experienced. I mean, I had a normal upbringing with an intact family and no abuse or other trauma; I can't imagine what that kind of experience (the cystoscopy) is like for a child who also had other traumas in life.
Yes, a lot of medical procedures can be "invasive," but this was something incredibly frightening and painful, that made me feel ashamed and "dirty" afterward, from the age of three. They definitely should put kids under a general anesthetic for that procedure, or at least give them enough valium to be totally doped up.
Anyway, at least there are others in the same boat.
I was catheterized for no reason in an emergency room back in May of 2013. I'm a thirty-five-year-old male. I could urinate on my own, but the Doctor claimed the only way to obtain a sterile specimen was to obtain the urine sample via catheterization. I politely objected, but was eventually talked into the procedure by my girlfriend. Needless to say the procedure was not performed correctly by the nurse and my life was ruined. I repeatedly asked her to stop several times because it was more pain than I could handle. She didn't listen. After she finished I was told I had blood in my urine. I had never noticed blood in my urine prior to that procedure. I looked down at my anatomy when I got out of the hospital bed and I noticed there was blood at the tip of my penis. My heart is broken. How could I be so stupid? I trusted and now I'm suffering. For the past two years I have been dealing with penile pain and now have a fear of urinating. I do feel I was raped, and that's exactly what happened in my eyes. To everyone here; I feel your pain. I will never understand why Doctors would perform procedures on patients they wouldn't actually allow to be performed on their own bodies. I think medical malpractice should be taken more seriously. What happened to, "First, do no harm." I'm a ruined person. I live in constant fear that I've been permanently injured down there, and by the way I feel after two years, I would say the pain is not going away. I'm quite sure it's scar tissue forming. I've been to several urologists since, and they seem apprehensive with me due to a fear of causing me further pain in my most sensitive of areas on my body. I just want to feel better.
I am a 53 year old female. When I was 9 years old, I had to be catheterized before a surgical procedure. I was wheeled into a room and was made to lie on a table with my legs spread. I remember the pain and hearing a nurse say "this is too big for her". I asked over and over "what are you doing to me?" but she wouldn't speak to me at all. I had always been taught to never let anyone touch you "down there" (and especially never let anyone put anything in you down there!) so I thought I'd done something terribly wrong and felt extreme guilt and shame for years. I was never told before, during or after what had been done to me and as a result, I kept this "terrible secret." To say I felt violated is an understatement. I didn't realize how badly traumatized I was until recently. I have had intermittent, visible blood in my urine without pain or symptoms of infection. (All are possibly signs of bladder cancer.) I am scheduled for cystoscopy next week. I am not afraid of the pain or even the chance of having cancer but I cry uncontrollably at the thought of what I went through. When my family doctor told me I need to have the procedure, all I could think of was "I'd rather die of bladder cancer." I'm only considering going ahead with the test out of love for my family (I'm still not sure I can actually go through with it.) I had no idea others were also emotionally scarred from this experience. Why is it that children who are fondled are given therapy to get over their experience but what we went through was considered "no big deal." (And my children wondered why I explained any medical procedure they were going to have over and over to the point where they said "alright already, Mom...we understand!)
I know this is a 6 year old conversation, but I just came across this while searching for some topics about psychological issues rooted in bad experiences from medical procedures. So I decided to share my own feelings about the thing.
I am female, in my 20s. I was about 6 year old when I underwent a cystoscopy. I don't remember much of it, but I think it affected my life in many ways and I still feel traumatized. I have flashbacks too.
As a child, I didn't know what was going on and why exactly had to be done that, so I clearly felt violated. The feeling of having no control over my body, penetration and forced urination by few men standing around got stuck in my mind and probably totally ruined my sexual life. I am too afraid of losing control over my body. I also have too many reasons to think that this experience is the cause of my nearly obsessive devious sexual thoughts, mainly focused on medical fetishism. I became confused about my sexuality. It's disturbing to know that I get aroused by things that have origin in the worst experience of my life.
Further, for a long time I wasn't able to urinate in public toilets at all and I am still unable to urinate if I hear people somewhere around. I have a strong mental block.
I realize that it was a necessary medical intervention, yet I can't shake off the feeling that I was "raped". It made a huge mess in my head. That's just how I feel about it. At the same time I blame myself for making a tragedy out of it. Saying "I feel raped" sounds absurd in compare to what real rape victims went through. I can't even say for sure that all my problems were necessarily caused exclusively by the cystoscopy. Only flashbacks make me think so.
I wish I could hear experiences of other people too, especially those who had similar experience at such an early age.
I am female, in my 20s. I was about 6 year old when I underwent a cystoscopy. I don't remember much of it, but I think it affected my life in many ways and I still feel traumatized. I have flashbacks too.
As a child, I didn't know what was going on and why exactly had to be done that, so I clearly felt violated. The feeling of having no control over my body, penetration and forced urination by few men standing around got stuck in my mind and probably totally ruined my sexual life. I am too afraid of losing control over my body. I also have too many reasons to think that this experience is the cause of my nearly obsessive devious sexual thoughts, mainly focused on medical fetishism. I became confused about my sexuality. It's disturbing to know that I get aroused by things that have origin in the worst experience of my life.
Further, for a long time I wasn't able to urinate in public toilets at all and I am still unable to urinate if I hear people somewhere around. I have a strong mental block.
I realize that it was a necessary medical intervention, yet I can't shake off the feeling that I was "raped". It made a huge mess in my head. That's just how I feel about it. At the same time I blame myself for making a tragedy out of it. Saying "I feel raped" sounds absurd in compare to what real rape victims went through. I can't even say for sure that all my problems were necessarily caused exclusively by the cystoscopy. Only flashbacks make me think so.
I wish I could hear experiences of other people too, especially those who had similar experience at such an early age.
This is an old conversation but I'll answer anyway. I can truly understand what you mean by the feeling of being raped. That is awful. I am a woman, also in my thirties. When I was really young they did a catheterization for me many times. And as a child's point of view, it doesn't much differ from a rape. A child isn't able to deal with that kind of thing. I was so young that I couldn't rationalize it at all. Procedures like that can be really traumatizing even for adults.
I've had quite bad phobia, and it hasn't helped much that also when I was a little bit older they still did everything in the same way. Not giving me any feeling of being in control, I mean. That really is the whole point, and if other people just use their power and do something painful and "abusive" to you and not seem to care what you think... That's really traumatizing. Especially when it has something to do with your private parts. I've had really bad psychological and physiological problems because of those traumatic experiences.
I have to admit that I'm still SO bitter and angry of the fact that medical professionals just do thing like that to you, and seem to have no empathy. They are just concentrating on the bladder, and do not care about the person around the bladder. It seems not to be their problem if the person gets really traumatized. That's how it feels. I really would like to know what do those medical professionals think when they perform some operation while the patient is really shocked, afraid and feels like being violated. Is it just money, or what the hell?! Or do they think that children are so stupid that they don't care, remember or something. I can't understand that. I hope that nowadays things are different than in the 80's.
I really have tried to rationalize things afterwards and I've even managed to be able to trust doctors somehow. For example nowadays going to the gynecologist is ok, because the experiences there have been ok and the doctors really wonderful and respectful.
But a while ago I was in another kind of operation (Fess surgery) that was a surprise for me, and a shock. It wasn't not at all as easy as they lied it to be. The phobia got back. I am not able to trust doctors and I feel really bitter, angry, distressed and fearful. Now I have anxiety again, and I am constantly afraid of being forced in some terrible operations. I lost the feeling of being respected, safe and being allowed to be in control of my own body. Even though this Fess-experiment was nothing like those catheterization.
I've had quite bad phobia, and it hasn't helped much that also when I was a little bit older they still did everything in the same way. Not giving me any feeling of being in control, I mean. That really is the whole point, and if other people just use their power and do something painful and "abusive" to you and not seem to care what you think... That's really traumatizing. Especially when it has something to do with your private parts. I've had really bad psychological and physiological problems because of those traumatic experiences.
I have to admit that I'm still SO bitter and angry of the fact that medical professionals just do thing like that to you, and seem to have no empathy. They are just concentrating on the bladder, and do not care about the person around the bladder. It seems not to be their problem if the person gets really traumatized. That's how it feels. I really would like to know what do those medical professionals think when they perform some operation while the patient is really shocked, afraid and feels like being violated. Is it just money, or what the hell?! Or do they think that children are so stupid that they don't care, remember or something. I can't understand that. I hope that nowadays things are different than in the 80's.
I really have tried to rationalize things afterwards and I've even managed to be able to trust doctors somehow. For example nowadays going to the gynecologist is ok, because the experiences there have been ok and the doctors really wonderful and respectful.
But a while ago I was in another kind of operation (Fess surgery) that was a surprise for me, and a shock. It wasn't not at all as easy as they lied it to be. The phobia got back. I am not able to trust doctors and I feel really bitter, angry, distressed and fearful. Now I have anxiety again, and I am constantly afraid of being forced in some terrible operations. I lost the feeling of being respected, safe and being allowed to be in control of my own body. Even though this Fess-experiment was nothing like those catheterization.
Thankyou all for your responses and especially for your honesty about difficult topics. The trend I'm seeing is the importance of the way in which doctors approach sensitive procedures like these. Keyzersoce, whose doctor seems to keep him informed and offer him choices, is able to sit through the procedure without using anesthetic, while others of us who have been surprised or treated summarily by doctors come out feeling traumatised and ill-used. The feeling of having no control over what is done to your most private parts is probably the cause of a lot of this stress, as it is with sexual violation (although on a different scale, as Ron rightly points out). Similarly it can be very difficult to discuss afterwards, which makes it harder to process and increases the feeling of lost control.
I think it can be very difficult to be assertive when dealing with doctors, especially specialists who carry an extra weight of authority. But we do need to be able to insist on our rights in sensitive situations (without throwing a hissy fit like the other patient Ron described) in particular our right to know what is being done to us and why and what other options exist.
I think it can be very difficult to be assertive when dealing with doctors, especially specialists who carry an extra weight of authority. But we do need to be able to insist on our rights in sensitive situations (without throwing a hissy fit like the other patient Ron described) in particular our right to know what is being done to us and why and what other options exist.
Hi,
I have had to many cystoscopies to remember the exact number.
My very first cystoscopy was done at the age of 29, and I have to agree that that was one of the worst experienses that I had to endure of all the cystoscopies that I have had.
I believe that this was caused by a urologist that was realy rough in performing the procedure. Only about 5 minutes after the procedure wich included a biopsy, my wife was told to get me dressed and that we had to leave the recovery room to make place for others. I never went back to the same urologist.
I can honoustly say that eventhough some of the following cystoscopies have been uncomfortable, none of them were as bad as the first one.
I have had both the ridgid scope as well as a flexible scope. Once again the ridged scope caused discomfort but it was not something that I was not able to endure.
Due to fact that I have several medical conditons (one being a neurogenic bladder) I have endured cystoscopies colonoscopies and had my stomach scoped as well. Out of all of these, having my stomach scoped cause me the most discomfort.
One thing that I have learned is trying not to resist the procedure. This way you will expereince the least discomfort. It also seems to depend on the mood of the doctor performing the prodedure as well as what time of the day the procedure takes place.
I should have kicked the first urologist because the treament that I received was not needed. I did not even stop bleeding from the biopsies and were told to leave the area after only 5 minutes.
On the other hand put yourself in the postion of the doctor performing the procedure.
Just over my second last cycstoscopy in July of 2008, I was able to hear what the poor urologist had to endure. In the room next to mine he was working an a female patient while I was being prepped. This female patient screemed and yelled at him, threw instument trays around and finaly the procedure was stopped and she was removed from the adjacent room of mine.
The same urologist who has allways been ver pleasant to me came into the room and tried to make me as comfortable as possible.During the procedure he warned me of actions by him that could cause some pain, yet it seemed mild to me. This man who previously had been cursed by the female patient treated me with dignity and respect. He continued to speak to my during the procedure, telling me what he was doing.
Just since March of 2008, I have had four cystoscopies, none of them were beyond of what I could endure.
It might sound impossible to do, but if you can remain relaxed, the procedure will go well without major discomfort.
Ixion, You had this procedure as a child and I'm convinced that it was very uncomfortable for you, since you were ill adviced on the procedure. You must also realize that the instrumentation used (scope) might have been large and uncomfortable in a patient your age. Had the urologist taken the needed time with you, things might have been different
I had several procedure performed on me as a child. I was born with undecended testicles which was treated by monthly manual manipulation to try and bring the testicles down to the scrotum. I was around 10 or 11 before my testicles settled into my scrotum. At the age of 8 I was molested by a teenage male in a swimming pool dressing room. What happend there can in no form be compaired to medical procedures that were performed on me. However I can understand what you are saying, because at your age at the time, it seemed like a violation on your person.
It was not untill I got married that I dealt with what had happened to me at the age of 8.
Good luck,
Ron
I have had to many cystoscopies to remember the exact number.
My very first cystoscopy was done at the age of 29, and I have to agree that that was one of the worst experienses that I had to endure of all the cystoscopies that I have had.
I believe that this was caused by a urologist that was realy rough in performing the procedure. Only about 5 minutes after the procedure wich included a biopsy, my wife was told to get me dressed and that we had to leave the recovery room to make place for others. I never went back to the same urologist.
I can honoustly say that eventhough some of the following cystoscopies have been uncomfortable, none of them were as bad as the first one.
I have had both the ridgid scope as well as a flexible scope. Once again the ridged scope caused discomfort but it was not something that I was not able to endure.
Due to fact that I have several medical conditons (one being a neurogenic bladder) I have endured cystoscopies colonoscopies and had my stomach scoped as well. Out of all of these, having my stomach scoped cause me the most discomfort.
One thing that I have learned is trying not to resist the procedure. This way you will expereince the least discomfort. It also seems to depend on the mood of the doctor performing the prodedure as well as what time of the day the procedure takes place.
I should have kicked the first urologist because the treament that I received was not needed. I did not even stop bleeding from the biopsies and were told to leave the area after only 5 minutes.
On the other hand put yourself in the postion of the doctor performing the procedure.
Just over my second last cycstoscopy in July of 2008, I was able to hear what the poor urologist had to endure. In the room next to mine he was working an a female patient while I was being prepped. This female patient screemed and yelled at him, threw instument trays around and finaly the procedure was stopped and she was removed from the adjacent room of mine.
The same urologist who has allways been ver pleasant to me came into the room and tried to make me as comfortable as possible.During the procedure he warned me of actions by him that could cause some pain, yet it seemed mild to me. This man who previously had been cursed by the female patient treated me with dignity and respect. He continued to speak to my during the procedure, telling me what he was doing.
Just since March of 2008, I have had four cystoscopies, none of them were beyond of what I could endure.
It might sound impossible to do, but if you can remain relaxed, the procedure will go well without major discomfort.
Ixion, You had this procedure as a child and I'm convinced that it was very uncomfortable for you, since you were ill adviced on the procedure. You must also realize that the instrumentation used (scope) might have been large and uncomfortable in a patient your age. Had the urologist taken the needed time with you, things might have been different
I had several procedure performed on me as a child. I was born with undecended testicles which was treated by monthly manual manipulation to try and bring the testicles down to the scrotum. I was around 10 or 11 before my testicles settled into my scrotum. At the age of 8 I was molested by a teenage male in a swimming pool dressing room. What happend there can in no form be compaired to medical procedures that were performed on me. However I can understand what you are saying, because at your age at the time, it seemed like a violation on your person.
It was not untill I got married that I dealt with what had happened to me at the age of 8.
Good luck,
Ron
I dont know about everybody else, but I just had a cystoscopy a few days ago and it was done with a flex scope and it was the most excruciating pain of my life. im a young woman, and i dont think it matters if youre male or female, i also felt like i was being violated. ive had a catheter "surprised" on me before by a urologist and that really has affected my ability to trust urologists. now after this incredibly painful cystoscopy, which they assured me was not going to hurt too bad, and the pain and bleeding that is continuing and worsening... well, im not really sure what i think about all this. it's definitely been the most physically and psychologically challenging things ive ever dealt with with regard to dr's and my health.
and btw, why did my doctor not tell me i could have anesthesia? i asked if i could be put under or numbed and they said it wouldn't be necessary despite his knowledge of my previous, intensely painful, catheter ambush and his own noting of an abnormal degree of sensitivity on my part. Does anybody have any advice for me?
and btw, why did my doctor not tell me i could have anesthesia? i asked if i could be put under or numbed and they said it wouldn't be necessary despite his knowledge of my previous, intensely painful, catheter ambush and his own noting of an abnormal degree of sensitivity on my part. Does anybody have any advice for me?
I am not a doctor, but have had numerous cystoscopies performed since I had a bladder tumor removed a few years ago.
I have been told that up until a few years ago, doctors used a rigid scope which was quite uncomfortable. Technological advances have now made available a flexible scope, which is a great improvement. I would guess initially you were subjected to a rigid scope which left bad memories.
When I tell my friends about the cystoscopy, the males will always wince and recoil. I believe it is natural for a man to shudder at the thought of a camera being shoved into his penis. However, I do not find the experience that bad and considering I am trying to catch a recurrence of the bladder cancer, it is certainly necessary.
I understand why my urologist offers the choice of anesthesia to his patients for the procedure, but I haven't felt the need to be put under.
I have been told that up until a few years ago, doctors used a rigid scope which was quite uncomfortable. Technological advances have now made available a flexible scope, which is a great improvement. I would guess initially you were subjected to a rigid scope which left bad memories.
When I tell my friends about the cystoscopy, the males will always wince and recoil. I believe it is natural for a man to shudder at the thought of a camera being shoved into his penis. However, I do not find the experience that bad and considering I am trying to catch a recurrence of the bladder cancer, it is certainly necessary.
I understand why my urologist offers the choice of anesthesia to his patients for the procedure, but I haven't felt the need to be put under.
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