My boyfriend can't stay hard for long and can't ejaculate.

[Raquel182]

I'm 19 and my boyfriend is 20. We met a few months ago and began dating. We have a really good connection, great chemistry and we have trust, respect and a lot of affection for each other. When we decided to have sex for the first time, he told me that he was a virgin and that he'd been circumcised. At first I thought it was because he was nervous that he couldn't get an erection but after a month, although it has steadily improved, he's still having trouble. He can get an erection during foreplay but when it comes to actually having sex he seems to lose it after a few minutes and he can't come. I can't even make him come through oral sex or by handjob. It's very frustrating for the both of us. He assures me that it's got nothing to do with me and he doesn't think that it's a medical issue but I'm not so sure anymore. If anyone has got any advice as to what I can do or what he can do that will help, it would be greatly appreciated.
Thanks!

[Anonymouse88]

He could be spending all of his resources on porn/masturbation, but he could still be nervous.  And worrying about not being able to stay hard for you could make it worse.  If he vehemently denies masturbating a lot, it will probably take a lot of patience from you and you making him feel very accepted to work past it.  

Ask to watch him masturbate so that you can see his technique.  You can incorporate it into sexytimes, maybe have him pleasure you and then you watch him pleasure himself.  This will let you see how he does it, and might help you be able to get him to come from oral sex or a handjob.  Ask him what his fantasies are.  Maybe there's something that would really turn him on that's not outside of your comfort range that you could try.  If he loses his erection, you can try moving focus to you (if that turns him on), or focusing on the rest of his body until he gets hard again.  Being able to do this could reduce the pressure he feels to perform.  You are also allowed to bring toys in (some guys like vibrators).  No need for the "look ma, no hands" approach to sex.  This goes for your pleasure too.  

Most importantly, you two should have a rational talk about this and try to come up with solutions together.  Try to use "I" statements, so that you state how you feel, but don't sound accusing.  And make sure to tell him it's because you want his experience to be good.  

Best of luck with this situation.

[Babygurly22]

Hello sweeite im sorry to say but i have to agree with nohard above. Its very possible that he could be masturbating to porn. Porn is linked to erectial disfunction as he can only get and erection and ejaculate over porn because thats what hes used to. I know its hard to hear, trust me...i know. And im sorry that he is that young and that could be the cause. It can create premanent damage so maybe try talking to him about it because if thats the case he deff needs some help with it. There are many groups etc that can help him. I hate to say it but it could also be possible that he is cheating. A lot of tomes that can also be a cause. Im sorry hun <3 im here if u need me and like i said i mnow how it feels. But please try talking to him. I know its hard n will e hard but u really need to to fond out whats really going on. Good luck and like i said im here if u need me xoxox

[Stollin]

Please please pleaseplease tell me how you can fix this and how long it takes

[NOHARD]

Hi Raquel, I think you b/f is either masturbating, but not just masturbating but over masturbating, or he is a porn lover and masturbating to porn.
These two things can do what your saying, men just cant raise to the occasion or if they do lose it very quickly.
I think you need a long talk with him, or have a good look on his computer, his favorites or history, will tell you that side if its porn, if it is that there is a way out for him.
Please come back

[Stollin]

Okay but how can you fix this? Please tell me