Out of town in laws and pregnancy

[megberg33]

I am 26 weeks pregnant and my in-laws are wanting to be more "involved" in my pregnancy. It is their first grandchild, but they live over 3 and 1/2 hours away. They have also stated that they will drive up here as soon as they hear that we are in labor. My husband wants them to be "part of the process" but can't really describe what he means. I am worried that they think they can hang out at the hospital all day with us while we are in labor and then after the baby is born. I am also really concerned because they both smoke and we asked them to quit. I am asthmatic and am very adamant about not exposing my child to smoke, 1st, 2nd or 3rd hand. I am really worried that they will not have the will power to quit and that my husband will allow them to expose our child to smoke. This is really difficult because I don't really feel very close with my in-laws because we don't spend a lot of time with them and my family lives in the same town as I do, so we are with them often. My husband is really naive when it comes to what childbirth will be like and I am afraid he won't back me up with these difficult situations. It isn't anything personal about his parents, it is just that I would prefer if they wait until we have been home for a week to come visit us so we can spend more time with them and not have any awkward situations in the hospital. This is my first baby and it is going to be hard enough without having to worry about his parents and their feelings too. Any suggestions or help would be appreciated! Thanks!!

[PrincessLotti]

I say do what yu feel is best for the child and you and your husband.by the way CONGRATS

[jemma116]

I agree with what BluCrystal says.

This is your and your husband's baby.  When you give birth to the baby, you do not need to have other people there.  

Tell your husband to tell your in-laws that you will be having the baby with no one present apart from your husband and that you will let them know when the baby is born whether it is a boy or a girl (if you do not already know) and that you will let them know when it is OK for them to visit.  Your husband also needs to make it clear to them that smoking will not be allowed when they visit.

The birth of your baby is a very special and precious moment and it is up to you who you want to be present at the birth.  Excited as they may be, they need to respect what you want at your labour time.

My daughter-in-law chose to have her mother present at the birth of all her babies.  My husband was with me and helped me with our second baby, he was absolutely exhausted after the labour LOL.  I was on my own with the first as my water broke and I went off in the ambulance.

Be firm what you want, this is your time and it is your decision who you want to be present with you when the time comes.  Do not feel guilty about telling people that you do not want them there.  

Enjoy the rest of your pregnancy.  

Best wishes.

[BluCrystal]

Hi, Meg!  Congratulations on the upcoming birth of your first child!  Notice that I said YOUR CHILD, yours and your husband's together.  No one else.  Everyone else's responsibility to you as a new family on your own is to GIVE YOU SPACE.  Space to bond with your new baby and with each other.  Your birth experience is YOURS to have as you want.  Whatever you don't want will not be allowed.  This is not about anyone's feelings.  It is all about you, your husband, and your new baby.  If anyone CHOOSES to feel hurt over your descisions for yourself, that is their problem, not yours.  Tell the nurses who you want in your room, and to disallow anyone else.  Period.  Make it known to all family and friends that you will not accept ANY visits from anyone for the first week after coming home with the baby.  Also make it clear that you refuse to tolerate anyone smoking within 100 feet of your baby.  YOUR BABY.  You are about to become the mother of a new life.  Be a proud and protective mother, and put all of the baby's needs before ANYONE elses requests or wants.  I have given birth FOUR times.  Every time, family and friends came right out of the woodwork.  I knew they meant well, but I had a draw the line somewhere, inspite of feelings of others.  So I wound up, every time, disallowing EVERYONE but my husband, my baby, and doctors and nurses in my room for the birth AND For my whole hospital stay, then refused visits at home, too.  Your first baby is especially important in your life: you and your husband must have room to bond with the baby, choose a name without anyone else's input, figure out together how to take care of the baby, etc.  There is NOTHING as special as the first time you and your husband are in your room alone with your new baby.  CHERISH THAT, make it yours.  Funny, but somehow all my friends and family managed to forgive us for 'hiding away with the baby'.  They were just happy to visit when we were ready. :-)  Blessings to your growing family, that you may have a healthy child, and that you may have the experience you want while getting to know your new little life. :-) - Blu