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Lack of arousal after first time having sex?
My wife and I recently got married and had sex for the first time. It's been painful for her. But from what we've read that's fairly typical so we're taking all of the steps we've seen (lube, foreplay, taking it slow, massages, relaxation, etc.)
What has been more unexpected and worrisome is that she has not been able to get aroused at all. Things that would get her on the brink while dating do nothing now. Even oral sex just feels "really good" but no arousal. Is this typical? Is there anything we can do?
What has been more unexpected and worrisome is that she has not been able to get aroused at all. Things that would get her on the brink while dating do nothing now. Even oral sex just feels "really good" but no arousal. Is this typical? Is there anything we can do?
Dear newlywed, has she specified what kind of pain it is? It does make a difference. If it is in the abdominal region (like stomach or at the level of her ovaries/womb) then most likely the penis is too long or her vagina hasn't fully elongated and that it is hitting the neck of her cervix during intercourse. Hammering against the womb in other words, causes pain. This is likely the case and its more tricky to nip in the bud than it would be if it were a Girth issue. But maybe it's both. As for girth there is not much to say other than her vagina eventually will stretch out to accommodate you. Btw it's great that you are taking it slow. So going back to the issue of hitting the neck of her cervix with your dong, I have been experiencing the same pain since I started having sex with my husband two years ago.. I will always be too small for him, as his penis has a zip code of its own, but all I can say is that the two of you can work together and make lemonade out of lemons! Now you are off to a great start about all the relaxation, foreplay and using lots of lube! But from a woman's perspective with this same issue, if we are not relaxed and associate going into the bedroom like facing the gallows, then she is still going to be VERY tense down there. She needs to really relax, and know that you will be so patient with her as long as she needs. To do this, message is great, but make sure it is tender and not too hard for her, while you are messaging her, whisper once in a while to her if the pressure is OK. Also she might want to start some sort of yoga or meditation she can do every day or evening, as it can do wonders to take her mind off pain or worrying. After lots of foreplay and lube, be sure to try different positions like her on top or lizard lap. It's just doing her from the back but you are both lying down with you on top of her. One more ting, I don't know if you guys can drink alcohol or if it is against your beliefs, but you might want to make one temporary exception for her if it is. When she drunk, she won't be afraid of anything, and then there will be no more pain :D hurray and good luck!
Thanks for the comment, loves! Just for clarification, we haven't tried panetration since the first night. We've tried easing with fingers.
As noted, we think that will get better with time. What we are wondering and concerned about is the lack of arousal. Are the two linked? This is even happening when she does we will not be penetrating after.
As noted, we think that will get better with time. What we are wondering and concerned about is the lack of arousal. Are the two linked? This is even happening when she does we will not be penetrating after.
Ya if ur hurting u ain't ganna b boring but. I've been wit my hubby 7 yrs n sometimes u need to switch it up try something new. Role pale? Or talking dirty to her. Cuz same sex gets boring after a while. Ya know? Spice up ur sex life lol
Gypsy makes a good point, always gotta keep each other interested by trying new things as well. Now, from what you tell me, I get the feeling that it is likely a fear of experiencing pain again associated with sex that is causing the lack of arousal. Any slight discomfort or worry can trigger a lack if arousal. She may feel worried or even self conscious that she is not good, or many other things that our minds can run wild with. Just be patient you guys are doing fine :) and keep reassuring her and just relaxing and having fun in your journey
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