Hi my name is Ari, I'm 20, and I feel like committing suicide, cause I can't stop blaming myself.
Here's my story:
Since 2010, August I'm away from my home county & studying abroad. I'm physically in good shape, but I think I have some mental problem.
The thing is that after I came here, I met a boy, then in this February, 2011 we had sex once. At first, I didn't think it was serious. So after a month my menstruation didn't show up on time. I went to the doctor in March, and found out I was pregnant, cause we didn't use protection the other day.
I'm a freshman student, and I thought I was not ready to have a baby, so I decided to have an abortion two weeks later. I hesitated about hundred times whether I should keep the baby or not, until I got up on the abortion chair. Even though I had an abortion.
Now, 6 months had past since I had an abortion, and I can't forgive myself.
All I want to do is being alone & cry. In addition, I feel like want to be isolated from others. As time goes by I'm feeling terrible.
Actually, before this incident my only dream was to have a child and live in a healthy family, cause I lost both my parents when I was little.
Right now I'm even thinking of committing suicide. I have no passion to live.
Is it temporary feeling or is it a mental disease?
What should I do?