The question is above, as is. My immense emotional issues are tearing me apart and it doesn't help that I have a partner who is more or less "crazy" as well, who completely abandons me, dumps on me, insults me and hurts me whenever there's conflict between us. When there's no conflict, he can actually be supportive and help to get me through panic attacks or emotional crises that come on at random. If we even get into the LIGHTEST of arguments though, even about something stupid like a brand of coffee or an opinion on a TV show, things can fly out of control within minutes; he can go from telling me I'm the most beautiful woman in the world and he can't do without me, to "GTFO you stupid b*tch, you'll never find anyone else, you are f*cking batsh*t crazy" etc. etc. I'm constantly blamed because apparently I'm the one who's too sensitive and who "sets him off" to begin with. It is terribly emotionally abusive and yes I know I probably should leave for both our sakes, but that isn't the issue.
As it stands, I have no choice currently but to be here and to try to keep things together with him. I'm not working, I'm a constant wreck. I was working before, from home, but now there's nothing for me and no one to help me. I have to make this work and I need to know how others cope with being too sensitive or too paranoid, or need help dealing with a difficult spouse without having things spiral out of control.
If you need a bit of background first, I've had these issues since I was 18, I've been down at least a dozen medications since then (none worked), as well as sessions of CBT, DBT, counselors, psychiatrists, psychologists. I've tried abandoning all of that the past six years or so, to try and get better on my own but now it's worse than it's ever been and I feel like I have no purpose in this world anymore. So hard to even get out of bed, especially knowing I have no job or anything going for me. I don't drive. Don't have friends.
Anyway, if anyone can help me deal with the relationship issues I'd love a few tips to turn around in my brain. Thanks...