My husband is a good father and provider however he is an alcoholic. His father was an alcoholic. He works in construction and works very hard. He will use the excuse that since he works hard he is entitled to having a few drinks after work every day. Monday through Thursday he most likely drinks 2-4 24 oz beers. Fri at least a 12 pack. Saturday he will drink most of the day maybe 4- 24 oz beers and later that night a 12 pack or more. Sunday’s probably 4-6 24 oz beers. He will basically drink until he falls asleep on the couch. He is in denial that he is an alcoholic. I will avoid all invitations to parties From my friend and work colleagues that I get invited too because I do not want my husband to drink he is not able to drink just a few he will drink until he is wasted. I will not go to bars with him because again I refuse to be his enabler. However I will attend family gatherings because my family knows him and they try to limit alcohol but my husband will just bring his own. Our relationship is just getting worse, I try to spend time with him invite him places where there’s no alcohol and he is not interested. Therefore we do nothing as a couple. I’ve told him let’s go to AA meetings together and he refuses. He says he is capable to stop on his own, but to him stopping means not drinking Mon- Th and resume in Fr-Sat. He will do that for a little while but returns to his normal drinking schedule and will lie about how much he’s been drinking. I have learned that we can not have conversations while under the influence he makes no sense and gets easily angry so I’d rather not speak to him while drinking. Therefore he becomes useless to me as a husband and father. He will just come home eat dinner, drink his beers and fall asleep on the couch. We have two girls who go to school, have daily school or sport activities that I get stuck with doing all of that. In have become very resentful.
Then he will go ahead and say he needs a social life and hang out with friends. Which means go to friends houses/bars and drink. He will accuse me of not wanting to have a personal social life because I don’t like having friends that I am boring. However I do have friends which I do see occasionally for lunch, brunch and shopping. And yes occasional happy hour where I have 1-2 drinks max and I’m home on time to take the girls to their after school activities. And I will not accept many invitations to friends events because I know there will be alcohol and I do not want my husband tempted. However I do not tell him about those invitations to avoid the discussion. Therefore if it seems I am antisocial in his eyes it’s because of him.
We have been married 13 years and gradually is been getting worse to where I know that it’s not going to get better if we do not address this issues. Sometimes I think it’s not worth my stress and my time to help him. I want peace and for us to be on the same team. I want us to be the best role models that we can to our girls and break the cycle of addiction. I do not want my daughters to someday deal with this problem.
Financially I can handle my own, I can pay my bills, pay my home and capable of raising my girls to the best of my ability on my own But I love my husband need him as a partner, that we raise our girls, make healthy choices so we can be healthier, that I can trust and depend on. We are both 40 and in time to have a better future.
What do I do?